I am likely to need to end this pregnancy over the next few weeks due to very early and complete rupture of membranes.

[Methe]

Basically, I am 15+4 and on Friday at 14+5 my waters went just after having a laparoscopic cervical cerclage placed due to cervical incompetence. There is no fluid around the baby at all and although we are hoping for a miracle this is, realistically, unlikely to change. Without fluid the babys lungs will not develop and there is a likely hood of limb deformity not to mention prematurity an the risks this poses to my body.

I have had several scans and the baby is alive, I can hear it with my doppler and feel it from time to time too. The baby also appeared absolutely perfect :( I had been so excited about this pregnancy and am gutted beyond words that I am going through this again. My previous pregnancies we're both cut short by prom, at 30 and 22 weeks although thankfully both of by children are ok, despite being born prematurely. I have also had 4 miscarriages.

I just can't get it straight in my mind what is likely to happen. There is the (slim) possibility of the membranes resealing and the water re accumulating and as such we have decided to wait 3 weeks and see what happens. If after 3 weeks there is not an improvement in the amount of fluid then we have no option but to remove the stitch and induce labour. We are living in limbo :(

When you end a pregnancy at 17/18 weeks, what happens?

I am so sorry for your loss, Methe.

I lost my daughter, Rosanna, in similar circumstances 5 years ago.

It does get easier, I promise.

Thinking of you and RIP baby Sam

I'm really struggling today :( The bereavement midwife has just called with a date for the funeral, it's the 8th may which is the day before my birthday. I am so sad, it's just not fair.

All I can think about is getting pregnant again but my consultant follow up appointment isn't for another 10 weeks and I cannot get pregnant until i've had the stitch put back in and we have the results of the clotting tests, it feels like ages.

Oh Methe so sorry it is so hard. It does not get easier as people say it will you just get better at coping. Sam will always be your child and will always be with you.

Have you chosen a blanket or something to wrap Sam in or anything to put in with her. I wrote my son a letter and popped some photos of his family in with him and a cuddly tigger toy the same one as his twin has.

Thank you for taking the time to reply :) I made a blanket for Sam, the midwife put it in her coffin with her yesterday, I have the blanket that she was wrapped in when she was born it's in my memory box but I don't think I can look in there yet. My daughter made her a card and i will write her a letter before the burial, some photos are a great idea too.

The bereavement midwives at the hospital have been wonderful but my family have been shit, my brother and sil have not so much as send me a message and other people who have been in contact have not even mentioned the baby at all, it's as if she never existed. Tbh I am finding speaking to anyone in real life almost impossible anyway and am avoiding talking to anyone but a simple 'sorry about the baby' message isn't much to ask is it ? :( Dh keeps asking if I am ok but I daren't start talking to him about it incase he says he doesn't want to try again.. I dont think I could cope with that, I want to have a baby :(

I need to go to the drs this week as i'm supposed to be going back to work soon and don't feel even remotely ready physically or mentally, i'm hoping they will sign me off for a bit longer. I know she will suggest restarting Sertraline but i have read that that can increase the incidence of the omphalocele ( which Sam had, I was taking it when she was conceived, managed to stop taking it by 10 weeks )and other birth abnormalities so don't want to take anything like that really but something to help me sleep would be nice.

I dont really know why I'm posting this here i just cant find anywhere which fits really.

Oh Methe Sams blanket sound lovely and so nice you made it for her. I'm afraid the death of a child seems to go under the banner of "topic that shall not be discussed"

The only people to mention my son to me on his birthday recently were my husband and a friend of my sons Mum who has a son in the row of graves in fornt of my son. IYSWIM. People dare not mention in case it upsets you not realising that not even acknowledging your child makes you feel even worse.

Get the GP to sign you off if you are not ready to return to work. They should have no trouble doing that for you. Try a warm bath followed by some warm milk/horlicks at bedtime.

Try to talk to your DH but be prepared for him not to get it to the extent you do. Mine did not feel the same bond as I did with our son as he did not have that physical bond at the time he was born, he had not felt movements etc and he had not seen him as much as I had (daily scans at some points). It di dnot mean he did not feel the loss but he felt it differently. Don't worry if you lose it with him, he is your DH, he will be there for you.

The bereavement thread has a lovely group of Mums on it that may be able to help. Will try to link for you later.

Take care

for you!

Will try and come back later tonight to type some more advice, very busy at the moment but couldn't read and run!
x

so sorry about the way you're feeling Methe I totally understand! People just don't dare to talk about your baby... They are scared they would hurt you by mentioning your precious baby, and that is probably the only thing you want to talk about at the moment!

Please ask your doctor for a longer period off work, I had a month off, but when I started back it was summer holidays and I wasn't so busy so that worked well for me! Your GP should understand and will give you extra off work!
You don't need to accept the Sertraline if you don't want to! I'm sure they can prescribe you some sleeping pills!

I totally understand that you want a baby! I felt exactly the same... Why does it take 10 weeks for your follow up? I had mine about 6 weeks later and got the all clear to ttc again. Of course it will depend on the outcome of the tests whether you can try straight away again or not!

If you are ready or just want to read what other people have been through come over to our Angel Mum's bereavement thread We are there to support each other every day through the ups and downs of this long winding road...

Hi Methe. Obviously not a lot I can say really but a few tips from my own experience:

-cocodamol / codeine helped me sleep, had some left over from the hospital and I didn't become in any way dependent on it. Also cough medicines that cause drowsiness (obv not at the same time).

-Did you take a photo of the lovely blanket you made Sam or have you kept some of the material? I put a teddy bear in my baby's coffin and I put a photo of the teddy in my memory book.

-So sorry your family have been shit. I found people want you to 'feel better' after a couple of weeks. I still think about my baby nearly every day and it is coming up for 3 years later.

-Understand about not wanting to talk to DH. Personally found emailing the SANDS people really helpful, they send lovely emails back. Also had counselling from women's health counsellor / bereavement midwife, they let me blether on and know to some extent what you are going through.

• Not sure whether this helps but I was pregnant again by my 6-8 weeks check. Not sure with hindsight whether I should've waited but didn't know how long postmortem results were going to take, it felt really really wrong to use any form of contraception, and I had a real biological imperative for another baby. The clotting tests shouldn't take that long, I had those back before the postmortem results.

Thinking of you, hope you can get signed off for a while.

Hi, Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this, I find it really hard. I know it's a but rude of me not to reply :(

We buried Sam yesterday and it was all so quick. We were only there for 15 minutes. Sam was buried in a cemetery closes to our house, it's only 10 minutes away so i'll be able to go whenever I want. I had actually not realised how close it was.. I'm not a native Black Country lass so I am still getting my head around where things are in relation to each other. Sams coffin was tiny and my husband carried it to the graveside which was very hard to see and then they lowered her down and the undertaker read a poem we had chose and that was it.

The GP signed me off her another 4 weeks so I will be going back at the beginning of June and then having a weeks annual leave too so hopefully I'll be feeling a bit more myself by then. I am still absolutely exhausted.

Blue Thankyou for the invite to the bereaved mummys thread. I have read it but one of your mummies if having her rainbow baby when sam was due and it would be wrong of me to post there I think. It just doesn't feel right. Lots of conflicting emotions which make me feel worse :(

I told DH that not trying about was absolutely out of the question, TBH the only thing keeping me going is the thought that the Drs will fix whatever it is about me that causes the problems, i will get pregnant again and have a baby at the end of it. Without that i'd be a real mess.

We have still not heard anything from the hospital.

Methe glad to hear that things went as well as can be expected and Sam is nearby to you.

Just dip in and out of the bereaved mums thread Merhe, there are no rules, there is usually someone around to pick you up or give you a hug if you need it. I for example don't post much but lurk a lot.

A lot of the mums on her have gone on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies and sometimes in he depths of despair it can give you hope.

Take care and take as much time off work as you need. Glad to hear your GP has signed you off for a bit longer.

Methe, I've just read your thread and I'm so dreadfully sorry for the loss of your little Sam.
I don't have anyhting constructive to say at all, just that I'm thinking of you and your family. Take care of yourself.

oh Methe I can understand it must be difficult, but please never feel like it would be wrong to post on there! I know some of us are pregnant again with Rainbow babies (so am I) but that doesn't mean we don't understand how you feel! ((hugs)) there will always be lots of conflicting emotions!
Please keep posting on here when you feel like it, I'll try and keep a look out!
Take plenty of rest when you feel you have to! Take care x
I'm glad Sam is buried close to where you live and you have a place to go to when you want!