Facing second termination for medical reasons this year...

[EggletinaClock]

I know there's the thread for post termination support as I used to be a regular poster, but I wanted to make an appeal to a wider audience.
I had a termination at 22 weeks in April 2011 for Edwards' syndrome (only detected at my 20 week scan as a result of a heart defect - NT and bloods came back as low risk). After several months ttc I got pregnant again and opted to go straight for CVS at 11 weeks. Unfortunately, the sample was contaminated with my cells and then there were Xmas Bank Holidays, so all in it took 19 days for me to get a result. That eventual result was that the baby has Down Syndrome.
From the day of the CVS onwards I have been bleeding and had mild to severe cramping, I've been in hospital five times and two consultants have said they think the pregnancy is slowly failing anyway as it is inherently faulty. I have opted to terminate to end this utter nightmare. As I desperately wanted to avoid going through another delivery, but as I was over 12 weeks, I was referred on to a private clinic. I was supposed to have the termination surgically yesterday but it was cancelled at the last minute due to a
potential airway problem. So now I have been left with no choice but to go through with a delivery. I took the initial pills this morning and will be admitted to be induced on Monday by which time I will be 14(2). I am not too worried about the delivery as it can surely not be as bad as the one at 22 weeks. They have also warned me that as the pregnancy is failing anyway I may well not get to the inducement in Monday so I am expecting miscarriage at any point.
At no point during this pregnancy have I been happy, merely anxious and fearful and all my fears have come true, again.
We are to be referred for genetic testing and have been advised not to ttc before then. My husband is refusing to even contemplate trying again. I still so desperately want a second child (I have one healthy daughter) but I fear what might happen should I conceive again. Time is not on my side as I am 38 and getting ever closer to 39.
I would really appreciate if any of you with similar experiences of repeated tfmr could share them with me. Particularly what you considered around trying again or giving up. I know there are women here who have had two terminations for medical reasons (Manitz and Cantdothisagain are two I remember.) How do you cope? At the moment I feel very calm, I was braced for bad news, and I have little of the fear I had about the induced delivery last time. Is it going to hit me later or am I toughened to this now?
Any help or advice gratefully received.

Hi Cant, I've been told to phone the clinic next week and have a chat to the nurse and if I'm at all worried I can go back in for more tests and a scan. The bleeding appears to be slowing down though so I tentatively hope there's an end in sight.

Mentally I'm still numb, I try not to think about things or I start crying. I bumped into to an acquaintance with a new born the other day and managed to coo and ask all the right questions without running away screaming. Very very hard though, I feel very isolated. I'm also having a lot of very vivid dreams, not exactly nightmares but unpleasant and mostly related to giving birth. I wonder if because I'm deliberately repressing things when I'm conscious my subconscious is processing it somehow through dreams?

Hi Eggletina,

I've PMd you - hope it works!

I just wanted to say and say that I have been through TFMR twice now, at 20wks in May 2009, and then again at 29wks in May 2011. Both boys had different symptoms picked up at different times in the pregnancies, so the docs didn't think they were connected. But they were. It turned out to be something called an unbalanced translocation, and because both boys had it, they knew either my husband or myself would have to have a balanced translocation, and it turned out that it's me. It's a chromosomal issue and has a very high reoccurrence, so facing a decision a third time is a very real possibility. But now they know what it is, at least they would be able to test for it at 11wks. But it's a cold comfort. I do know of a lady who TFMR-ed three times. She'd had a daughter oblivious that she and her husband carried a particular genetic condition, and then her next three pregnancies were all affected. Right now I've only just gone back to work after seven months off. I was pretty sure I'd had a nervous breakdown if I had to make a 'decision' a second time, so it's taken me time to get back on my feet. I'm still not ready to deal with pg ladies or people who have babies/children who'd be age mine should have been by now. I find it very, very heartbreaking. the impact on what had been a very happy, contorting marriage/friendship has been profound. I wonder if we'll ever go back to normal. And my blogis here, by the way, fryingpanorfire.blogspot.com/. Sorry for the long post, but it's good to meet others who've been in the same boat. It's a lonely place.

hi me larch, have you been on the support threads here? I have also terminated twice for different reasons (07 and 10) and my husband has a balanced translocation but the two reasons were totally unrelated to his translocation, anyway the threads were very helpful and supportive to me when I needed them. conception is a minefield and I think it's a terrible roll of the dice in my case - we have healthy children also so I don't think a balanced translocation should mean you will automatically have problems but I guess it depends on which chromosones. I'm sorry to hear you are still suffering. x

Hi Melarch, I'm sorry to hear you've been through all this too. I had a little look at your blog, it was all too horribly familiar. I have my appointment through for the genetic counselling so I am terrified they'll find something.

I too really really struggle with babies and pregnancies, especially if they are the same age as my lost ones should be. I have no answers as it is utterly heartbreaking, but I know how you feel.

It's also a massively lonely situation to be in so do post on here and the other threads manitz mentioned if it will help you. Sadly there's a fair few of us that has gone through this twice and had other losses.

Melarch I read your blog (I know a little about translocations as used to work on them years ago). I am horrified and shocked by what the consultant said to you. Especially if it's who I think it must be. Awful, awful, awful. My jaw hit the floor reading it.

Thank you for all your messages. I was just at a christening today (I know, bonkers for me to go to, and it was hard, but I managed it), and my friend who had her boy christened had a full-term stillbirth before him. Then I was talking to one of her uni friends who I hadn't seen for a long while, and it turned out she's having chemo as a result of her pg going drastically wrong.

Manitz - I can't believe you've had two losses and neither of them were to do with BT; what on earth are the odds!! I'm so sorry. No, I haven't seen those threads - pls msg me them if you get a moment. I'm glad you've managed to have healthy children though. I hope it works out for us.

Eggletina - I'm so sorry about your two losses. Nature is so cruel. I really don't understand. I know it seems bleak right now, but I really thought I would never want to risk trying again, but with time, I've found that I can face the possibility. I'm trying to accept that something could go wrong again and again (especially now i'm so aware of all the bad things that have happened to people) and I don't know how we'll get through it, but I just hope we do if that's what fate plans for us.

Saintly - I'm fascinated. You worked on translocations? What did you do? what did you find out? I've never met anyone who has proper experience of them. Do you work in genetics?

Hope you all had good weekends...

I'lll pm you mb as it will identify me easily!