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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Please advise. How does one go about getting a termination?

38 replies

obimu · 04/09/2010 12:17

Firstly may I apologise in advance about how insensitive this post will come across to those who are ttc or who have struggled to become pregnant.

I just took a test and it read positive. No part of me is happy about this. I have the two children I wanted and the youngest just started school. DH was close to getting a vasectomy. We were using condoms but had a mishap this month. I've taken a test on day 28 of my cycle, my cycles are usually 23/24 days.

With that in mind, it is possible I could miscarry - I've had two in the past when my cycles were short. I had to take a load of B6 to lengthen my cycles to get pregnant with my second child. But as I am very early on in pregnany, if I do have a termination, I'd prefer to do it straight away.

I have no idea how this works. What is the cost of going private? Can I have a medical abortion just by seeing my GP? How long does it all take if I go through the NHS?

It's not great timing as I have my mother staying with me next week and I won't have any privacy. Do I have to let my DH know? Is it easier to bear the burden of this myself, given that I am 100% decided?

Please advise me. I never thought this would happen to me and I feel foolish and childlike being in this predicament. If there was a part of me that could bear pregnancy and bringing up another child, then I know my husband would come round to being happy about it too, but I don't feel that way.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 04/09/2010 12:20

It's impossible to say how long it will take/how quickly you can get an appointment, but call your GP straight away, the sooner you set things in motion the better.
Best of luck with getting things sorted.

Original poster

obimu · 04/09/2010 12:22

Do I have to see my GP? I dislike all the GPs at my practice. Is there another route? FPA?

OP posts:

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 04/09/2010 12:24

I am not sure, but you may be able to via a family planning clinic. Or pay to go private . XXx {{hugs}}

SolidGoldBrass · 04/09/2010 12:25

yes this lot will be able to help you. I would strongly recommend going with them rather than a random one out of the phone book as there are 'abortion/pregnancy advice' services which are fronts for antichoice organisations, BPAS are well-respected.

LadyintheRadiator · 04/09/2010 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaigeTurner · 04/09/2010 12:26

Have a look at the BPAS website, they will have info about going private.

PaigeTurner · 04/09/2010 12:26

sorry x post

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2010 12:28

You can go to GP, family planning clinic, or you can go directly to somewhere like bpas or Marie Stopes. This is the FPA help line, 0845 310 1334 - they'll be able to tell you where your local clinic is.

As for talking to your DH... Well, that has to be your choice.

Good luck, either way.

Original poster

obimu · 04/09/2010 12:32

I have a lovely DH. But part of me just wants to keep the whole business to myself. Maybe I am afraid he'll want the baby, even though he hasn't wanted a third for a long time.

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2010 12:37

If it was me, I think I'd tell him after I'd spoken to the clinic - in a "Look, I'm pregnant, and neither of us have wanted another child for a long time. So this is when my appointment is, do you want to come with me?" kind of way. But that's me. If you want to just get it over with (to be blunt) then I get that too.

nottirednow · 04/09/2010 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

differentnameforthis · 04/09/2010 12:52

Don't feel foolish...it happens! Happened to me too (condom & mini pill in my case). I went to my GP & told her I was pregnant & didn't want to be. She set the wheels in motion and referred me.

Mine took a few weeks to happen, mainly because I couldn't make the last appointment before Christmas, so had to wait until the week after. I was 9 weeks.

PLEASE tell your dh. You will need his support. I knew with no doubt that what I was going to do was the right decision for myself & my family, but I still needed to lean on dh as it was emotionally hard - more that I was in the situation I was in & that I had to do something that I never thought I would have to do.

Don't bank on a miscarriage. Especially as you are so set against continuing this pregnancy, because if it doesn't happen & you still don't want to continue, you could be looking at a whole different situation.

canella · 04/09/2010 13:01

to have it done on the NHS can mean you wait a few weeks so you might be towards 9 weeks or so when you had it done.

Private clinics can do it for you pretty soon but it costs about £500.

you need to tell your DH at some point - it will still upset you even if you're sure its the absolute right decision for you.

Rocklover · 04/09/2010 13:27

If you don't tell your dh and he finds out at a later date (for example, what if there are complications after the procedure?), he is going to feel like you couldn't trust him enough to tell him. In my opinion that could lead to a big fissure in your relationship, whether he wanted the baby or not.

Would he ever be able to trust you again? He may not think so. I understand that you definitely don't want the baby, but an abortion is a very emotional thing to go through, so having some support will be invaluable to you.

Good luck with it all.

Marjee · 04/09/2010 13:29

I think you need to tell your dh, its a big thing to go through on your own. Fwiw when I first found out I was pregnant I went to my gp and told him. He asked if it was good news (it was) but I assume he would have helped me arrange a termination if I'd have said no. I didn't feel judged at all, they must deal with situations like yours all the time so they will be sensitive and professional about it

Rocklover · 04/09/2010 13:41

Sorry, reading that back it sounds a little harsh, I didn't mean it to be.

I just wanted to get across that these sorts of crises in life are where you should pull be able to together as a couple, it's one of the reasons we choose a life partner, to go through all our ups and downs with.

I really do hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Rocklover · 04/09/2010 13:42

*be able to pull. Scuse the stupid typo!

WannaBeMeAgain · 04/09/2010 13:47

You are very early so should be fine to have the pill version. MS were very good when i used them. It certainly didnt cost £500 (and not the pill version either)

Please think again about telling your husband, even if it could be all over and done within a week you will have to keep this secret forever.

canella · 04/09/2010 16:50

wannabemeagain - thats how much it cost to have an abortion at MS - i paid the bill! but it wasnt the pill abortion - no idea how much that costs.

i wouldnt put a price in a post on a subject like this if i wasnt sure.

DingALongCow · 04/09/2010 17:35

I went to my doctor for advice and then Marie Stopes. Potential third child due to contraception failure. Did the test on Thursday, saw the doctor Friday and had the surgical abortion on Tuesday at almost 6 weeks. It would have been within a fortnight if I had gone with the NHS.
You should definitely tell your DH. I found the termination incredibly hard to deal with, although I didnt think I would at first. There was lots of waiting around and thinking time at the clinic, especially after the scan which had uncomfortable reminders of the scans with my first two children. I am so glad I had DH to text and pick me up afterwards as I was a wreck. Its been well over two months and I still get weepy over what happened and it would be worse if I didnt have DH there.

Afterwards I was in quite a bit of pain and was told not to lift anything so it would have been hard to hide from him.

Original poster

obimu · 04/09/2010 17:53

Yes, you're right. I know I must share this with him. I will. He already wonders why I am acting so quietly. Gah - this is terrible. I hate going to doctors anyway. I tend to get morning sickness from 5 weeks onwards. I really hope I don't have to wait until 9 weeks.

OP posts:

Flighttattendant · 04/09/2010 18:01

I think it is the right thing to tell your DH. This isn't something you should decide on his behalf, ideally. It will be better with his agreement.

differentnameforthis · 05/09/2010 08:28

DingALongCow Sympathies. It WILL get better...I promise! Hang in there!

Original poster

obimu · 05/09/2010 08:39

Can I go to my fpc instead of my gp? I'd much rather do that.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2010 08:42

i agree with SGB. I had a termination with BPAS and they were truly lovely. a lot of their terminations are done free via the NHS so it;s definitely worth going through your GP if you can face it

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