Anxious , depression and suicidal

[Lolly127]

Currently 10weeks 4 . Found out at 6 weeks and have been so unwell since . I was already in the midst of a mental health relapse . It’s out of control I’ve been promised I’m going to get help for my anxiety which is bad anyway off perinatal but I’ve heard nothing . I’m scared this 4.1cm foetus is already killing me as I feel so tired , sick erx all the time . I know I’m either going to die in pregnancy or childbirth . Even if I have an abortion I’ll probably die from a complication of that . I have severe anxiety , around death . I’ve also become deeply depressed and I feel nothing but sadness . I’m scared of dying yet feel like it’s the only way out . No one is helping me .

Who have you asked for help OP?
You don’t know these things. You can’t see the future. Your illness is telling you they are true.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our mental health resources here: www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health.

You can also go to the Samaritans website: www.samaritans.org

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I have been to midwife , she said about perinatal Weeks ago . Dr told me to speak to midwife , midwife told me to ring crisis team when feeling suicidal . But I’ve not actually spoke to anyone in depth or seen a single person at this point 6 weeks later : I’m terrified ; I get a racing heart , I Csnt sleep ; head is pounding and I can’t rationalise . I am adamant this baby is killing me already

Have you spoken to crisis team? If you were physically unwell they would be getting you in for treatment. This is your MH convincing you. Not reality.

not yet , I found last time they didn’t really help me . I just feel so lost and broken and like my days are numbered D. I’m terrified

@Lolly127 you are terrified as it’s a symptom of your poor mental health. You must seek RL professional help with this.

Do not believe what your brain is telling you. It's I'll so it's lying to you. See a GP immediately!

Hi,

Here for you.
I know I'm a bit late posting this and I hope you see my reply.

I have/ do suffer from anxiety especially severe health anxiety and phobia of death. I've suffered for a number of years now so I know how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. I was convinced I was going to get every complication. I was going to die in childbirth. Or immediately after. My baby would die or have some horrible illness. I was obsessed and spent hours obsessively googling things seeking reassurance that I would be okay. I would seek statistics for the chances of me dying but ultimately came to the conclusion every time that I was doomed. It was a very long nine months.

BUT I did it. I made it and each day that I got closer to meeting my little baby was more terrifying. But I did it. It's so scary especially when you have such anxiety and fear but something keeps you going and you will get there.

I now have a healthy 12 week old. My anxiety is through the roof of course and I finally sought help from my health visitor who I must say had been very helpful and referred me immediately and I'm now working with community mental health who are helping me cope with my anxiety. The help is there you just need to find it. See your GP. Keep on at your midwife.

There are some free websites that I have been using to help me, there's lots of posts and forums for people who are in the same boat. It's called qwell.co.uk and I have found it useful.

I know it's scary and our anxious minds don't k me how to cope with the pressure and worries that becoming a new parent brings but I promise you. Take each day as it comes, and then the next and the next and you will get there.

Sophie x

Thanks for your reply Sophie . I can’t get exited as I can’t see past the birth as I feel I’m not gonna make it . I wake up each night around 3:4 am thinking about it . I’m so sad and withdrawn . Plus the anxiety , I feel a shell of my former self . I put off having a child for this reason , I’m 33 and in a long term stable relationship . But now that seems hindered as I’m ruining it for my partner . As you can prob realise it was a misconception issue. As harsh as it sounds I’m thinking I shouldn’t have gone through with the pregnancy , but I was extremely vulnerable at the start to even make a phone call , let alone a serious decision . Congratulations to you and well done !

Have you sought RL professional help yet OP. You must.

Hi I’m under peri natal but it’s still difficult I’m having nightmare and won’t plan for the future . I’m convinced this will be the death of me as my heart beats so fast when anxious and feel like my body won’t cope . I have a massive hospital phobia , I feel like I should have ended the pregnancy to keep safe . And I know that’s awful

What are they doing to help? It must be so scary to feel like that every day.

They haven’t really . Like I’m going to start cbt but have done it before without success . They have prescribed citalopram which I was previously on but im unsure . I struggle with side effects of meds and it wasn’t a great drug . I was still anxious on it so I’m wondering why put a drug in me with no benefits . It’s a dark lonely place to be

You need to work with them. It can take a while to find the right medication but it can really help. I tried several but fluoxetine has been a life saver. CBT is good but only if you do the HW and look for things you can change. Do they know you’re not taking the meds?

Lolly.

You must remember that your body is changing. All sorts of weird things happen to our bodies when we are pregnant. The heart racing being one of them. It's a normal physical change during pregnancy, just heightened by your anxiety. I know it's so tough. I was exactly the same. But it will get better I promise. Just hang in there.

When I get really panicked. I always try to think of normal rational explanations as to why I might be feeling that physical symptom. For example- heart racing, breathless- I would tell myself it's just my body changing.
Nightmares- also very common in pregnancy. I had them too.
You just need some firm reassurance that everything will be okay,
I always told myself that thousands of women have babies and 99.9% of them are fine

Xx

Yes I did , I’ve been honest from the get go . The side effects are brutal for me and as I’m in a new job , I can’t image them being understanding. I just feel so afraid of it all .

Maybe a different medication would be better. Some have more side effects for different people than others. How you feel now is brutal!