Please help - don't know if I can continue with this pregnancy

[Luna2019]

Hi everyone,

I am really suffering with hideous antenatal anxiety. I am on sertraline and just upped my dose to 50mg but not feeling better yet.

I am so anxious that the stress hormones are hurting the baby and I will end up with a baby with special needs that are all my fault. I wonder how I will cope with the situation ans the guilt.

This was a wanted pregnancy it just fell as a time when I had a lot of bad news which triggered anxiety. I'm 13 weeks. I don't know whether it's best to terminate the pregnancy or carry on and hope for the best.

Any advice or experience would be appreciated. I feel so lost.

It might well be the sertraline making you anxious or contributing to it. Especially if it's only been a couple of days. But if so, it should even out in a couple of weeks.

@Karkasaurus thank you I am hoping it will even out. Feeling quite sick/anxious this morning. Keep thinking termination would be what's best as I've hurt the baby then trying to remind myself my thoughts aren't necessarily facts.

@Hotpinkangel19 I am so sorry to hear you had such an awful pregnancy. Losing your mum and dad in such a short space of time would have been devastating, and to do that alongside juggling motherhood. You are so strong. Thank you for taking the time to tell me your story, and I am so glad you have your perfect daughter. I think I just need to try and keep on going, but it's so hard when your head is telling you something different x

You're doing really well, OP x

When's your next scan booked, OP? You get one around now, don't you?

@Myriade sorry I missed your previous comment. I had never considered acupuncture but if you say it works I'll definitely look into it.

@karkasaurus I had a scan on Tuesday. I did feel emotional to see the baby in a good way, but soon after felt immense guilt that my anxiety may have hurt the baby in ways a scan cannot see.

My husband has also been really supportive and just says whatever happens and whatever baby we have we will love them unconditionally. It's just whether I would cope with the guilt if they had difficulties.

No, that's understandable. A scan wouldn't show you how the baby will develop, so I can understand it won't assuage your worries. I can appreciate what you mean about it making you anxious because you don't know what you haven't seen.

It does sound that you're having some quite intense irrational fears. I hope you don't mind me using that word. I don't mean it negatively. But I mean, fears that don't have any solid backing. That's what I was talking about earlier with the anxiety nature puts on you as a mother - you know mothers' intuition. But it doesn't always get the amount right. I know probably most mothers on earth have spent some time worrying about things that are completely out of the bounds of possibility. It can be a big shock consciously and unconsciously that you now have to look after one of the most vulnerable creatures on the planet.

We're all here for you though. You can post on MN any time of the day or night and there'll be someone who has been through something similar that can help you. You'll be OK x

@karkasaurus thank you so much. I totally agree with you and don't take offence at all. I've just got to work on convincing my mind.

This thread and hearing other people's stories is really helping me and I so appreciate you saying you are all here for me. It's the scariest time of my life for sure.

It's ok to feel the way you do though, ok? It's ok to have doubts and to have anxiety. We all do x

@Luna2019, yes it know it sounds bonkers but I found it really helpful and so has a good friend of mine.
My friend was pregnant at the time, went to see her with morning sickness initially but then saw her acupuncturist throughout her pregnancy as she found it so good to help her anxiety (she had a hard time during her first pregnancy).
I had it at a time when I was very anxious and stressed (probably depressed actually but I had never wanted to acknowledge it) and it really made a big difference to me.

@Karkasaurus thank you. I am getting through today a bit better.

@Myriade that does sound good I will look into it definitely.

It's silly as I know everyone takes a risk when they have a baby, but it's the thought it would be my fault.

Again, that sounds understandable. It's a big responsibility. But your body is growing the baby. You can just relax (as much as you are able) and it'll all happen exactly as it should by itself.