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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Original poster

Please help - don't know if I can continue with this pregnancy

35 replies

Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 11:17

Hi everyone,

I am really suffering with hideous antenatal anxiety. I am on sertraline and just upped my dose to 50mg but not feeling better yet.

I am so anxious that the stress hormones are hurting the baby and I will end up with a baby with special needs that are all my fault. I wonder how I will cope with the situation ans the guilt.

This was a wanted pregnancy it just fell as a time when I had a lot of bad news which triggered anxiety. I'm 13 weeks. I don't know whether it's best to terminate the pregnancy or carry on and hope for the best.

Any advice or experience would be appreciated. I feel so lost.

OP posts:
Freewanderer · 05/09/2019 17:51

Anxiety is the worst. So sorry you are feeling like this. It won’t last forever, but it doesn’t feel like that at the time. There is no evidence that having anxiety will negatively impact your baby though. It’s a common problem and a lot more common than you think, and most babies are healthy. It’s the anxiety talking when you worry that your baby will come to harm - your baby will be fine.
I know you must have visited your GP for sertraline. Have you been referred for cognitive behavioural therapy? Please ask for a referral.
There are places you can get support online too if you google ‘antepartum anxiety’ - like the charity MIND.
You won’t feel like this forever. Remember that. Xx

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 18:15

@Freewanderer thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it so much. It is such a horrible thing to go through and I can't quite believe I'm here. I'm like a shell of the person I was. Normally I am absolutely fine and cope well with life. X

OP posts:
Bloodycats · 05/09/2019 18:19

It’s completely your choice op, no one else can decide for you. Imo I think if this is a wanted pregnancy you could easily come to regret aborting it. There’s never a good time to have a baby but you just kind of muddle on with it and hope for the best.

Is there a reason other than anxiety that you think it may have SN?

ParkheadParadise · 05/09/2019 18:24

I had an horrendous pregnancy with dd2.
I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 5mths. It came as a total shock.
When I was 7mths pregnant Dd1 died suddenly. I spent the remainder of the pregnancy in my bed with the duvet over my head. I lost a lot of weight, I just didn't care anymore what happened to me.
Dd2 was born healthy on her due date.
Anxiety is really horrible, maybe you could go back to the GP and discuss your concerns.
Take Care of yourself.

Karkasaurus · 05/09/2019 18:28

That really sucks, OP.

I'm wondering if these thoughts are a symptom of your anxiety? Is it something you are struggling to get off your mind?

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 18:38

Thank you all for replying.

@Bloodycats no my anxiety is mainly around thinking my anxiety will have harmed the baby and if they have struggles it will be my fault.

@ParkheadParadise wow you had a really rough ride. I am so sorry to hear that you went through all that and I appreciate that you have shared it with me. I have a referral to the perinatal mental health team now. Hopefully they will help.

@karkasaurus I think you are absolutely right. I just can't get it out of my head. Feel like the worst person ever to be feeling like this.

X

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 05/09/2019 18:46

It sounds like you are having repetitive intrusive thoughts then. That's really tough.

One thing that can help is to talk about them and get some perspective on them, so it's great that you've posted here.

Are you getting any other symptoms? Have you got physical anxiety as well? Like palpitations, sweating, etc? Because some symptoms like that can be caused by vitamin deficiencies. It's really easy to become anaemic during pregnancy for example. Are you getting enough iron?

Are you sleeping ok too?

Roozy123 · 05/09/2019 18:53

@ParkheadParadise
I'm so sorry you went through that. That's truly heartbreaking. Flowers

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 19:04

@Karkasaurus yes I feel sick quite often and have a knot in my tummy. I have been speaking to my parents today and have started to feel better this evening. They are really supportive either way, but both believe I should continue with the pregnancy and that a termination may make me feel worse.

I am sleeping, some nights worse than others but always get some. I am also eating and taking all my vitamins.

I'm trying to find some good cbt in my area too.

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 05/09/2019 19:07

What are your thoughts towards a termination? Is it just the anxiety or are you worried about your circumstances?

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 19:16

@karkasaurus my thoughts towards termination are just that my anxiety will have harmed the baby. Feel like the worst mum. My circumstances are fine. Happily married with a good support network.

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 05/09/2019 19:19

I suspect that nature sends us into overdrive sometimes to make sure we are protective towards our children. I remember having a period when my son was a baby when I was convinced someone would grab him out of his pram and throw him in the river!

It will pass and get better, but these waves of hormones can be really challenging to get through. I'm sure you haven't damaged your baby with it though. They're pretty sturdy really. I'm sure you'll be a great mum x

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 20:06

@karkasaurus thank you for your responses and talking to me. I really hope I am able to get through this and everything be okay x

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 05/09/2019 20:12

It will definitely be OK.

Look at it this way - I could have a nightmare every night when I was pregnant and be really happy all day long. It would be the same amount of stress, but you wouldn't imagine that to be harmful, right? Smile

NewYoiker · 05/09/2019 20:28

@Luna2019 how long have you been taking sertraline for? I found my symptoms got so much worse for 2 weeks and then got better. Then my dose was upped and it got worse again for a week then I felt magically better!

Myriade · 05/09/2019 20:32

My experience with anxiety in pregnancy is that acupuncture can really help with that.
Maybe worth a try?

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 20:33

@Karkasaurus I like that analogy!

@newyoiker I have been on 25 mg for 5 weeks but just upped my dose to 50 mg a few days ago. Hopefully they kick in soon then. Was yours in pregnancy too?

OP posts:
Teenytinyvoice · 05/09/2019 20:36

I had a lot of success with hypnotherapy to support me when I had antenatal anxiety. It was a lovely break from feeling awful every minute of the day and night.

littlejalapeno · 05/09/2019 20:52

Oh this sounds so much like my experience OP. I had a boozy nights out after conception and went in a sauna a few days before I realised I was pregnant and had so much work stress in the first trimester. I was convinced I had done untold damage, I was full of anxiety and worried nonstop that the hormones would hurt the baby.

But I had nothing to be worried about because he is now 8 months old and so happy and healthy and “normal”.

I think I was worrying so much because unconsciously it meant I was doing something. More involved than just letting cell division happen and keeping healthy! I had intrusive thoughts and catastrophised and the worst insomnia. I wish I’d listened to the people who said not to worry or dwell or go down countless google rabbit holes trying to find answers online.

It’s fine to worry though, especially if you are that way inclined and it won’t hurt your baby at all. But It’s really good that you’re getting help to feel supported as that will make you feel better day today, and try to stay active and get some endorphins. I hope it goes easier for you now x

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 21:36

@Teenytinyvoice oh I hadn't considered that. There is a hypnotherapist in my area I think too so maybe I should give them a call.

@littlejalapeno thank you for sharing your story with me. It helps to hear people have been through and survived similar experiences because it can feel quite isolating! Not something I would discuss openly with my friends, only family really. I have tried swimming a bit more and it does help because I always feel calm in the pool. I know my thought process probably sounds irrational, but in my head it's very real.

OP posts:
NewYoiker · 05/09/2019 21:41

@Luna2019 yes but I've been pregnant a lot recently and lost them all however it had nothing to do with sertraline, it's just my body and genetics. I do feel like I wouldn't be here without it though, it helps me to feel in control. Also I like to think of the sertraline like a plaster and the cbt and other treatments I'm having as a treatment for the wound like antibiotics, I couldn't do counselling without the medication and I couldn't do the medication without the counselling.

My gp said that sertraline won't affect the babies and that you can Continue to take it whilst breast feeding. I absolutely would recommend speaking to your gp. I found 50mg wasn't enough and went up to 100mg and now I feel like me again. Please talk to your GP

bluejelly · 05/09/2019 21:48

Sorry to hear OP. Try not to worry that stress or anxiety is damaging the baby. I had a very stressful and tearful pregnancy. My dd was a very happy and secure baby, now a happy and secure adult. Get as much help as you can for you - your baby will be fine.

NuffingChora · 05/09/2019 21:55

Sorry you’re having such a rough time OP. The therapeutic dose of sertraline is 50mg+ so it’s therefore really unlikely that you’ve had any real effect from it yet - please give it a bit longer, and don’t feel pressure to make any decisions now. It’s not unreasonable to start at a lower dose and titrate upwards, and also as mentioned by a PP it can lead to jitteriness/heightened anxiety in the first couple of weeks, but given time is extremely effective and safe in pregnancy. (DOI: doctor, and previous anxiety sufferer!)

Original poster
Luna2019 · 05/09/2019 22:16

You are all so kind for responding. Thank you.

@newyoiker I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I totally get the plaster/treatment thing. I am definitely seeking additional therapy to help overcome this.

@bluejelly thank you for sharing your experience and letting me know it was all okay. Sorry to hear your pregnancy was also stressful. Feel guilty as I should be over the moon!

@nuffingchora thanks for your response and expertise. Yes I googled and found that 25mg is the recommended dose for children! So I asked to go up to 50 at 12 weeks. That might be why I've felt worse last few days as I only went up on Sunday. I am more worried about my stress hurting the baby than the medication to be honest. I have a few friends that have used ADs in pregnancy and knew from their experiences they are safe to use in pregnancy.

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 05/09/2019 23:17

@Luna2019 I have anxiety. It's awful. In 2017 I found out I was pregnant at the same time I found out my Mum was dying. I was devastated, stressed, constantly crying. I was an only child so I had to sort everything and look after my grieving dad. Just 6 weeks later I very unexpectedly found out my Dad was terminally ill, he'd been fine up to that week. I then had to fight with social workers to find him somewhere to go/care home. I visited Dad every day, I was all he had now. On top of this I had 3 other children to look after too. Dad died 3 weeks later. My whole family was gone. You can imagine the state I was in. My stress levels were through the roof, I cried every hour, I asked everyone if it would hurt my baby..... she's 19 months old now and perfect. It never affected her at all. Long story I know but I wanted to describe how I was through the whole pregnancy almost. I want to reassure you that you aren't hurting your baby. Please look after yourself.