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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*Contains graphic photo* - To not go back until all completely healed?

64 replies

PumpkinPastiez · 27/01/2023 23:53

I had a mole removed 2 weeks ago from the top of my shoulder. I was told at the time I was being over cautious and it was probably a wart.

However it was a stage 2 melanoma. I'm having a wide local excision with flap repair and sentinel node biopsy + node clearance at a cancer hospital In 2 weeks.

I work as a nurse at the moment in theatres, if anyone recognises this story please just keep scrolling! My job is extremely heavy and we are so busy at the moment, I would be expected to go back to normal immediately. I don't have a date for my surgery yet but it will be within 4 weeks, and then I'll need another 6 off work, because of the stitches and staples and the fact my job includes lugging around very heavy equipment.

In the nhs if I was to go back in for the 4 weeks whilst I'm waiting for my surgery date and then go off again it will be counted as a second sickness and I will have to speak with HR about how long I've been off, if I stay off it's just 1 and not as bad.

I also have an infection in the wound so I'm on daily wound dressings and antibiotics to try and clear it up. I've added a photo to show what I'm dealing with.

Aibu to ask my dr for a note to cover the next 4 weeks so this can heal properly and then my surgery can go ahead? Also then I'll get a note from the surgeon at the Christie after my operation.

I know my boss is mad at me for not being in and I really am feeling the pressure to return but omg it's agony and if it's not healed by the end of feb I doubt the Christie will operate because it's a bigger risk.

I just keep getting phone calls and texts about how short staffed they are and how he didn't hire me to take time off. The melanoma diagnosis came out of the blue

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 28/01/2023 02:26

I don't know. If you're sick, get signed off. If you can work, but in a limited capacity, go in and say you need adjustments. I worked in an office and teaching and I'd probably go in with that. But maybe, with the worry of cancer, I wouldn't.
Like, I say, I don't know.

Toddlerteaplease · 28/01/2023 03:01

Your manager is terrible. I'm
A nurse and my manager would insist I stayed off until I was ready to come back. You've just been diagnosed with cancer FFS. Not a cold! You need time and support to come to therms with that.

Poppins2016 · 28/01/2023 03:10

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 28/01/2023 00:03

So- in a nutshell,
A) you have had surgery and are expecting more in the very near future, currently unwell on two fronts 1) post surgical healing 2) recovery from infection.
B) You have a physically demanding job. The surgery is effectively on a joint upon which you will, by the nature of your job, place under more stress/pressure than if sitting at a desk pushing paperwork around.
You Are Definitely Not Being Unreasonable. Recovery impeded now will lead to further sick leave in the future.
they only person who is going to look after your health is you - ask for the sick note. (The Bradford sick leave policy should be abandoned in favour of common sense but that is a separate thread)
Good luck and get that note.

The Bradford factor, if applied correctly, actually shouldn't include absence due to cancer (which is classed as a disability under the equality act).

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 28/01/2023 11:35

@Poppins2016 whilat that maybe true- we all know managers /hr that apply it to all sickness and will continue to use it to make peoples working life far more stressful than it needs to be. As I said it’s a whole other thread and a working tool I believe is detrimental to both employer and employee.

Original poster
PumpkinPastiez · 28/01/2023 11:47

Thanks for the support last night I really needed it.

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 28/01/2023 11:50

Don't mess with melanoma.
Stay off work - health first.

JackieQueen · 28/01/2023 11:56

Best of luck op 💐. Take all the time you need, don't feel intimidated, you are 100% in the right.

bananafishbones1 · 28/01/2023 12:02

Absolutely ask the GP to sign you off. Somehow there is a special type of guilt associated working in the NHS. Put yourself first. Go to occ health before you return after the opp.

breatheinskipthegym · 28/01/2023 12:30

Get signed off by the GP. Submit your fit note to HR with a copy of the inappropriate comms from your manager, and ask them to ensure that only appropriate communication comes your way for the duration of your (very legitimate) sickness leave. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

MavisMcMinty · 28/01/2023 12:40

Nurses can be awful to their sick colleagues. For some it seems that sickness is only for patients, it’s some kind of personal failure for nurses to take sick leave. A ward sister I’d just started working with told me with scorn about a staff nurse in her 20s who’d taken a year off sick after her breast cancer diagnosis - “It was only chemotherapy, she could have worked around it”.

Bamboozle123 · 28/01/2023 12:45

Ouch that looks sore.

If I were you I'd discuss with my manager what the next couple of months will bring and how they could make adjustments to enable you to do only the work you are fit for. The NHS is a massive organisation - if they can't find something else for an experienced nurse to do, no wonder they are in such turmoil!

Original poster
PumpkinPastiez · 29/01/2023 01:27

I sent an email to my boss and told him to leave me alone. I asked my gp for a fit note and told them how i feel physically and mentally. I did it online because they're available 24/7 on ask my gp. I hope they follow up pretty quickly next week but I'm prepared for a fight with my boss about why I don't have an immediate fit note. Thank you all for so much support.

I am going to try really hard in this little gap between operations to get as fit as is possible in the time available so eating healthy and walking the dog every day. I hope it will help. Although I really do feel like shit!

OP posts:
halfshutknife · 29/01/2023 01:34

I would do as you say.

My husband had a bcc removed from the same place and his scar is very raised, noticeable and unsightly. I'd put it down to exercising whilst it was healing and the amount of movement of the shoulder.

Wishing you well for your surgery.

MrsMotts · 31/01/2023 01:23

@PumpkinPastiez one of the few plus points of the NHS is good sickness cover and this is precisely what it is for. Take the time you need to recover mentally and physically.
Also, I know exactly what you mean about feeling self conscious - I had to get my bum out and have a colonoscopy where I work. But looked at it from the angle that I knew the person doing it was great at what they do and I was in safe hands, and I trusted them completely. ❤️

FairyBatman · 31/01/2023 12:03

@PumpkinPastiez just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Hope you are OK?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/01/2023 12:15

Don't forget to make use of your union rep.

MavisMcMinty · 31/01/2023 12:21

I had to get my bum out and have a colonoscopy where I work.

OMG @MrsMotts ! Where I worked, my skin CNS colleague got the dermatology consultant to look at a mole I was concerned about at the end of one of his clinics. He was lovely (and thought my mole was fine), but every time I saw him afterwards around the hospital and exchanged pleasantries, all I could think was “You’ve seen me NAKED!” and inwardly cringed.

caramac04 · 31/01/2023 12:46

You definitely need to be at home, resting, healing and processing. Be kind to you.
Definitely keep screenshots of all communications from your terrible manager. When you’re fully recovered you might want to consider a grievance against them for their appalling attitude and actions.
I bet you’d rather be at work than have this diagnosis and I doubt your manager would want to be in your shoes.
Get a fit note, contact HR and state no more contact unless necessary unless it’s a bunch of flowers and a get well card. (Not 100% serious).
Even without the diagnosis I don’t think you’re currently fit to work looking at that pic.
Sending huge bunch of flowers and hope you are soon better and can put this behind you.

RumItOver · 31/01/2023 15:00

I hope you are doing OK. I am pleased you met almost unnaminous support. I just wondered what you would say, as a nurse, to your patient? I expect you would say.... you have a lot going on, physically and emotionally. Spend time get strong all round. That is your job as a patient- prepare for the surgery and get well asap. Please don't be bullied into going back before you are

MrsMotts · 31/01/2023 23:16

@MavisMcMinty i do colonoscopy myself and have scoped several of my colleagues too so we’ve all been there 😂
definitely had my head in my hands during the initial examination of my bottom though 🙊 Just tried to remind myself it’s just another day at work for them 😂

MrsMotts · 31/01/2023 23:18

@PumpkinPastiez hope you’re feeling ok today ❤️

Original poster
PumpkinPastiez · 01/02/2023 16:24

@MrsMotts fair play!

I'm doing ok. I've got bi weekly dressing changes so I really can't go back anyway. It's become quite painful actually!

Thank you for the support!

OP posts:
sandranista · 01/02/2023 17:15

That looks really sore. My husband had the same and didn't look after the wound, it ended up in a nasty state and getting badly infected. Look after yourself

Original poster
PumpkinPastiez · 02/02/2023 01:41

Oh my god, it's agony tonight. It feels like it's burning. It hurts when I move it and i want to scratch it but it burns if I touch the dressing. The nurse used inadine to try and dry it up today and it's obviously still there. Is this normal?

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 02/02/2023 02:09

as a retired nurse i would say a bit of an allergic type reaction to the product (new form of iodine or spelling mistake).
try a cold pack to help with the itching and pain till you speak to someone.