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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU would it be cruel to leave siblings out of my will?

50 replies

Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 17:39

I need to make a will indicating what should happen if DH and I were to die together (e.g. in a car crash).

I'd like to distribute ££ etc among the people who have shown me kindness and respect.

Unfortunately, that doesn't really include my siblings 😁

How rude/cruel/nasty would it be to just leave everything to friends rather than family (DH and I have no children, he has no family)? Is it really unusual?

I don't want to make some kind of grand theatrical gesture causing massive shock and dismay that's out of proportion to the casual indifference I've experienced from my siblings.

OP posts:
Sunshineclouds11 · 03/08/2023 17:41

Not unusual if you don't have a good relationship with them.

Your money, your things give them to who you want. That's what it's all about.

IncompleteSenten · 03/08/2023 17:42

You'll be dead so it won't affect you if they have a tantrum.
Maybe leave them a quid each so they can't try to claim you accidentally left them out.

Restinggoddess · 03/08/2023 17:43

Your money - your choice

Best to make a will that stipulates what you want rather than no will and them being next of kin

BranchGold · 03/08/2023 17:44

Honestly, it’s one of the gifts/curses of not having children that you are able to ‘choose’ where your legacy goes.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 17:47

Thank you!

I like the idea of leaving a small amount to each of them. I can then divvy up the rest among people who are nice. Maybe my siblings can console themselves that perhaps I didn't realise how much £££ I had!

I just don't want to be cruel out of proportion to the vaguely insulting way they treat me, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
user1469908686 · 03/08/2023 17:58

Do your siblings have kids? I’d probably leave the children something and the rest to your friends/charity.

Jackydaytona · 03/08/2023 17:59

Nope
My useless siblings are getting feck all :)

HopityHope · 03/08/2023 18:01

Fuck them.
Gove it all to your friends, as my DH says, he’ll be dead and doesn’t care who gets what. If you’ve got nieces/nephews then if you like them leave it directly to them, but give it to your friends.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/08/2023 18:03

You don't sound close to them - why would they expect anything?
Mine goes to a mix of charity and children of close friends - friends are a similar age to me & well off, so no point in adding it to their estate to attract double taxation.

Maggiesgirl · 03/08/2023 18:03

My brother and his husband had to decide similar, not that we do t get on, but we don't need his money.

They ended up going for a Trust Fund, which will benefit all children descendant from my parents who need university fees paid, or similar for further education.

Is this possible for you ?

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 18:04

Are you sure you will never have children?

fine not to leave to siblings.

minisoksmakehardwork · 03/08/2023 18:06

I've heard of wills where those cut out were left an amount like £1 so it was clear that these were the wishes of the deceased and not an oversight. I quite liked that idea as it would limit future challenges on any assets.

LiOLeary · 03/08/2023 18:07

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 18:04

Are you sure you will never have children?

fine not to leave to siblings.

Why does this matter? Even if they do, they need a will now. It’s not permanent.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:08

Thanks for all the input.

I'll definitely never have children (too old!).

There's a tendency towards snobbery in the family, so I don't fancy a Trust Fund to assist future generations with their empty social climbing, oooohhh did I really just say that 😜

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 03/08/2023 18:10

I work in Probate. Cutting close relatives out of wills is pretty common

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:11

Justcallmebebes · 03/08/2023 18:10

I work in Probate. Cutting close relatives out of wills is pretty common

Thank you for confirming!

OP posts:
Anyotherdude · 03/08/2023 18:15

We recently had to redraft our wills. Being older, we skipped all of our generation and named our adult kids as the main beneficiaries, but left substantial, but not excessive amounts for the nieces and nephews. If all us in our nuclear family perish, it all gets divided between the nieces and nephews.
Our siblings have all had quite enough time to sort themselves out!

VWT5 · 03/08/2023 18:16

When leaving a nominal sum to your family I think you can stipulate that if the amount is queried, then the whole amount is forfeited. (Or words to that effect).

You can also expand on it by including a Letter of Wishes with your will, where you can explain that you are bequeathing to friends who are important to you or suchlike.

RainRainPissOff · 03/08/2023 18:18

If I hadn’t have had children mine would have been given to charity for the same reasons!

If they treat you badly, they won’t think any worse of you after you have gone, so it makes no difference.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/08/2023 18:30

But if you leave them something, they will see a copy of the will and they will know how much you had to leave. The thing is, they are not going to be happy unless you leave everything to them anyway. If you left them e.g. £1000 but you left your friend £10,000 your siblings will be bitching about you. If I were you, I would leave it to my friends and I would say that they were like my family.

One of my relatives did leave £1000 to 30 different people and gave a really nice reason why she was leaving it to each person e.g. I leave £1000 to my colleague, Susan, to remember all the wonderful chats we had a coffee time. I thought that was a really lovely will.

LlynTegid · 03/08/2023 18:32

Your will, your choice, nothing wrong with it, hope your DH understands and even respects your decision.

LKM23 · 03/08/2023 18:35

Your money you can do what you like, not cruel at all, you reap what you sow 🤷‍♀️

Blanketpolicy · 03/08/2023 18:36

Your will your choice. But you obviously won't be there to explain so I would be tempted to try to do that in your will.

Not by saying why you didn't leave them anything, but by giving compelling reasons why you left to your friends as they might not understand why your friends were so important to you.

Leaving questions unanswered when you are gone can leave a lot of hurt.

Ericaequites · 03/08/2023 18:41

It’s best to specify that you purposely excluded your sibling from the will. I did this with my sister for good reason.

BlossomCloud · 03/08/2023 18:42

Perfectly reasonable but it might be nice to leave a letter alongside explaining why

People can be thoughtless because they are wrapped up in their own dramas I think (and I say that as someone who has been pretty hurt by a lot of people this year over how little concern they have shown for my serious diagnosis - presumably just because it is a rare condition but it is just as devastating as the kind of conditions that people leap to show their concern for)