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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU would it be cruel to leave siblings out of my will?

50 replies

Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 17:39

I need to make a will indicating what should happen if DH and I were to die together (e.g. in a car crash).

I'd like to distribute ££ etc among the people who have shown me kindness and respect.

Unfortunately, that doesn't really include my siblings 😁

How rude/cruel/nasty would it be to just leave everything to friends rather than family (DH and I have no children, he has no family)? Is it really unusual?

I don't want to make some kind of grand theatrical gesture causing massive shock and dismay that's out of proportion to the casual indifference I've experienced from my siblings.

OP posts:
Barrell · 03/08/2023 18:44

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 18:04

Are you sure you will never have children?

fine not to leave to siblings.

You can change a will if your circumstances change.

BoohooWoohoo · 03/08/2023 18:46

Do you think that you're in their wills? Don't feel bad leaving them out of yours.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:46

Thanks everyone, some really helpful insights here.

I like the idea of thanking each of my friends, by way of explaining how they have become my "family", rather than explaining the lack of enthusiasm for my siblings. It wouldn't be rocket science for them to read between the lines.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:48

BoohooWoohoo · 03/08/2023 18:46

Do you think that you're in their wills? Don't feel bad leaving them out of yours.

True, I never considered that! 😎 I doubt it very much!

OP posts:
SausageinaBun · 03/08/2023 18:49

For me it partly depends on where your assets came from. I've inherited from my grandparents and I don't think it is unreasonable that my family expect those assets to stay in the family. But in the circumstances that our DC aren't around to inherit, we've skipped our siblings and left everything to their children. That's because one of them is feckless and would just squander everything.

BlossomCloud · 03/08/2023 18:49

Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:46

Thanks everyone, some really helpful insights here.

I like the idea of thanking each of my friends, by way of explaining how they have become my "family", rather than explaining the lack of enthusiasm for my siblings. It wouldn't be rocket science for them to read between the lines.

I think that's a totally reasonable approach

How lovely to have great friends Smile

Nw22 · 03/08/2023 18:50

Our wills currently only leave fairly small amounts to our siblings. The bast majority is split between by best friend, who would take care of our dog, and a couple of charities.

Noorandapples · 03/08/2023 18:50

I find it odd that people leave anything to anyone other than their partner/children. My priority is to provide as much as possible for those I'm responsible for, my kids will get everything!

10HailMarys · 03/08/2023 18:51

Do whatever you want. Nobody’s entitled to your money just because they’re related to you. Who cares what the fallout is? You’ll be dead so it won’t affect you.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 18:55

It's not that I'm scared of them being cross with me. I gave up long ago on the idea of them ever thinking much of me. It's more that if leaving them out of my will was a theatrical thing to do, I don't want to posthumously inflict terrible distress on them. I'm not a vindictive person and don't want this to be an emphatic gesture of rejection, I just would rather leave my hard-earned assets to people who actually understood and appreciated me.

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 03/08/2023 18:59

Noorandapples · 03/08/2023 18:50

I find it odd that people leave anything to anyone other than their partner/children. My priority is to provide as much as possible for those I'm responsible for, my kids will get everything!

The OP doesn't have children and is talking about what happens if she and her DP die together.

I do have children and my will has provision for what happens if DH predeceases me, if the DC predecease me and if my siblings predecease me. Even though I went in saying 'it'll all go to DH'.

Lamelie · 03/08/2023 19:08

Whatever you do, research it properly. Lovely relative of mine has saved us all a lot of paperwork by leaving 50% to charity. As she had no direct descendants the rest is divided up between a dozen of us so hasn’t made a life changing difference in what we get. But not having to calculate everything for inheritance tax (which is due at a much lower amount if you don’t have descendants) was wonderful.
In fact if you really dislike them make them executors of a complicated will.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 19:13

I didn't know that, about inheritance tax being lower if you have no children. I'll look into that, thank you! Might be the excuse I need to do a sort of scattershot approach to all the friends I hold dear 🥰

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2023 19:16

You can state in your will that you are purposely leaving your siblings out of your will and that they are not receiving anything from your estate, that way, they can't try and claim you "forgot" to add them.

StrawberryWater · 03/08/2023 19:20

I have 7 siblings. I don’t plan on leaving them anything if ds reaches adulthood. If we die before ds is an adult my sister will be awarded custody of ds and some money to raise him (with the rest, including the house, going to ds).

gogomoto · 03/08/2023 19:42

If you have nieces and nephews i would potentially leave them money for use for university or matures at 21 rather than siblings, they can't be blamed for the parents shortcomings

Luxell934 · 03/08/2023 19:53

It's your choice. You can leave it to whoever you want.

You may out live your siblings anyway so it won't matter.

Isabelle70 · 03/08/2023 20:07

I was wondering at the start of the year if I should leave something to my sibling. Who is not the best sibling and said some awful things when our parent died so I have not had much contact with her.
I then decided that she would never think of me and I didn't need to think of her so all my assets go to my 2 DC.

Purplemertle · 03/08/2023 20:18

Definitely leaving out siblings, would rather leave to anyone than them.

Lamelie · 03/08/2023 20:21

Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 19:13

I didn't know that, about inheritance tax being lower if you have no children. I'll look into that, thank you! Might be the excuse I need to do a sort of scattershot approach to all the friends I hold dear 🥰

For clarity inheritance tax becomes payable at a lower amount if you don’t have direct descendants, not at a lower rate. Do research it.

Marchitectmummy · 03/08/2023 20:24

Where did the money come from ? Any of it come from your parents, if so I would think about what they would want you to do with the money.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 03/08/2023 20:30

DH and I are both the youngest children in our families so we're working on the basis that we'll be the last to go (I know, I know...).

We have no children so it's divided between all our nieces and nephews with no qualms.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 03/08/2023 20:31

Marchitectmummy · 03/08/2023 20:24

Where did the money come from ? Any of it come from your parents, if so I would think about what they would want you to do with the money.

Even if it did, presumably the siblings have already had their shares.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 03/08/2023 20:40

Marchitectmummy · 03/08/2023 20:24

Where did the money come from ? Any of it come from your parents, if so I would think about what they would want you to do with the money.

We each inherited a little, equally, a while back, so I don't feel I need to give them my share too. The vast majority of what I have is the result of a lifetime's hard work.

OP posts:
WingingItSince1973 · 03/08/2023 20:53

You should leave your money to whoever you choose. Why people expect inheritance from anyone is beyond me. When it's your hard worked for money and these people haven't played any significant role in your life I definitely would leave it to those you love and care for. Don't feel guilty.

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