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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are 'phone me, I am not obliged to pick up!

50 replies

squashimodo · 10/07/2010 01:54

If people call me and I do not answer, then why do they then call again 2 minutes and ad finitum until I can't stand the noise any longer. Then when I pick it up and am in a bad mood, especially when it is mil, who has an 'emergency' to talk about, why be so surprised. Then if you ask to talk to the dc, please don't be surprised when I refuse.
FGS, if she rings me and I am not home, I am hardly likely to be there 2 minutes later. Then she started calling mobiles. Then she gets her daughter to ring

OP posts:
Original poster
squashimodo · 10/07/2010 01:55

Ugh, apologies for very bad grammar am v v tired....

OP posts:
rupert22 · 10/07/2010 02:10

I'm with you on this, oh yes. And, notice the tone of the ringing even starts to sound angry?

yanny · 10/07/2010 02:23

Argh, agreed! It's like having a phone line means you have to answer all calls. I often ignore mine (have caller dispay) so some days unless it's expected, I absolutely don't answer.

I detest when people call, then withold their number and call again. Trickery like that is wasted on me (thanks to caller ID!)

I'm actually not as anti-social as I sound

PurpleLostPrincess · 10/07/2010 02:23

My mum does this - DH has refused to give her his mobile number as she tries the house, then my mobile, then DS's, then she rings around them again!!!

Sometimes I do it to her as she has 2 mobiles (1 business, 1 personal), so I'll ring the house phone, her mobiles, then my Dad's. She wonders what the emergency is and I say "oh, no emergency, I just wanted to ask you about...blah blah blah". I honestly don't think she realises I'm trying to show her how annoying it is when she does it!

I still love her though...

sparkle12mar08 · 10/07/2010 07:48

So turn the ringer itself off then if you're not going to pick up and you've got an answerphone. If you haven't got an answerphone then pull the damn thing out of the wall so it can't ring.

Must admit I find it utterly bizarre that people refuse to answer the phone, and if I'm honest, a little bit rude as well. Don't have one if that's how you feel, or keep it unplugged until you need it. But let people know that you're not contactable in that way, and then it's their problem.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 10/07/2010 07:51

I guess it depends on who it is you're ringing or being rung by?

I ring my mum several times in a go because I know she doesn't always hear the house phone and she might not be answering it because she can't hear it. Same with her mobile.

Psammead · 10/07/2010 08:26

Sometimes I call twice because I have thought about it and would like to leave a message the second time.

Lougle · 10/07/2010 08:45

Clearly the fact you are annoyed is that you are there.

The fact that you answered the phone after the 8th time of ringing once, means that your MIL now knows that you ignore the phone sometimes. SHe really wants to talk to you, so phones until you answer.

FranSanDisco · 10/07/2010 08:52

YANBU. MIL does this. Rings house, rings mobile rings house, rings house, rings mobile. Never uses the answer phone or voice mail. Sometimes we are not here and sometimes are eating dinner or whatever. She has been asked to leave messages but doens't like to bother us .

Besom · 10/07/2010 09:00

Yanbu. The person in question can see you've phoned (even on a lot of landline phones) and will phone you back. Why keep phoning and phoning? If you went to someone's door and they didn't answer you wouldn't stand there for half an hour knocking and knocking, even if you thought they were in. Or maybe your mil would?

Obviously if it's something very urgent, or if you know the person is deaf or something it's OK.

ISNTitFUNtoBEinDISGUISE · 10/07/2010 09:00

Gotta love AIBU

So if it is the case that sometimes you don't feel like answeting the phone, then this means that you shouldn't bother having one

Fabulous.

OP I don't know anyone who does this, if we don't answer the phone the people try again later. I think people who do what you are describing are a bit odd TBH (exceptions for peope with hard of hearing relatives etc obv)

cakeywakey · 10/07/2010 09:03

I have this too. Just because the phone is ringing, doesn't mean that I have to, or am going to, pick it up.

People always manage to ring just when I'm in the middle of something - like changing a nappy or have just settled on the loo - so I'm not going to leap up and grab the phone.

People also forget that whenever they call, they are invariably interrupting what the person at the other end is doing. If people aren't expecting me to ring I always ask if it's a convenient time for me call. If it's not I call back when it is.

With your MIL OP, I'd do what others have suggested and just turn the ringer off when you don't want to be disturbed, then you won't be harrassed into picking up

Indaba · 10/07/2010 09:13

I think its a generational thing....oldy neighbours near me find it extraordinary we often don't answer our phone.....one lot almost called security to come round (we live in South Africa so not as bizarre as it sounds).

I love it when they finally get through to us and question me and I say oh, I didn't feel like answering.....they think we are so odd.

My (old) parents were the same...."you have to e phone".....think it stems back to the old days when phone calls were rare and were for important things.

Indaba · 10/07/2010 09:14

ooops........"you have to answer the phone"

pluperfect · 10/07/2010 09:23

I sometimes send a text message before calling, to make sure it's convenient to talk, or instead of calling. Given how intrusive mobile calls can be, it seems the best thing to do, sometimes...

twoisplenty · 10/07/2010 09:28

I don't like making phone calls to friend's homes (and hate making a call to someone's mobile) precisely because I don't know what I am interupting. Could be in the middle of town, or on the loo or asleep. Hate using the phone.

And I also ignore my phone ringing if I don't feel like answering. There is an answer machine, I expect people to use it!

Triggles · 10/07/2010 09:41

Many friends/family members do call our house twice. In our situation, I might be in the middle of taking DS2 to the toilet (he's potty training) or changing DS3 (who is still in nappies). People who know us well will often wait about 3-5 minutes and then call again. By then we're usually free to pick up the phone.

MrsC2010 · 10/07/2010 11:09

LEAVE ME A MESSAGE. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to people and don't understand why I should be at their beck and call. My mother is the ultimate for this. She will leave a messaeg at times, but still call back 5 mins later. And again, and again. I find this rude! I certainly don't fond not answering the phone rude, why would it be?

I can't turn the ringer off on mine otherwise I would, my mobile tends to be on silent a lot though.

And the interogation I get when we do speak! 'Mother, I am nearly 30, I am allowed to nip out/water the plants/work quietly/read my book to relax without informing you in advance of my schedule...'

PortiaNovmerriment · 10/07/2010 11:15

Just turn it off or swtch the ringer off. I go incommunicado for days sometimes. Is that the right word? I don't mean commando, do I? That's another thread...

LuluF · 10/07/2010 11:16

My ILs (I have 2 sets, lucky me!) insist on ringing between 6 and 7pm. They had 6 kids - do they not realise that it's meal, bath and bedtime hour? I don't answer. They still ring. Drives me potty. FIL leaves really cross messages. I save them. I'll play them back to hm one day.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2010 11:17

I'm with Portia.

I've had to work loads of utter shite reception jobs, because all reception jobs are shite, and I hate using the phone.

I turn mine off, too. Don't have voicemail. Only a PAYG £5 mobile that's turned off most of the time.

SagacityNell · 10/07/2010 11:20

Well if she rings and rings and you always eventually answer then she will always do that. If it bothers you so much you need a phone that you can put on silent or an answer machine tht cuts in after 2 or so rings.

2rebecca · 10/07/2010 11:33

The ringers in our phones can all be turned down or off, I'd change my phone if it didn't have that facility, they're cheap enough. 1 phone has an answer phone on it (I hate the BT impersonal message when you're never sure whose answerphone you're leaving a message on). Put your mobile on silent or turn it off if in the house.
My answerphone has the facility to vary how many calls it's answered in as well.
Generally if people have a real emergency they say what it is on the message.
If I'm in the middle of cooking, eating or working on something I don't like being interrupted.
My relatives and friends are equally antisocial so we're used to just leaving messages on each other's phones and waiting to be called back.
People who have frequent "emergencies" when they must speak to you are usually emotional vampires who just like offloading their stress on someone else. Thankfully no relatives like that.

electra · 10/07/2010 11:44

YANBU - ditto people who think you have to answer the door. I never answer the door unless it's someone I'm expecting.

oopslateagain · 10/07/2010 12:08

We don't answer the phone if we're having dinner, we have caller ID and an answerphone and if it's important they can leave a message. My mum has a knack for ringing in the middle of dinner, then when I ring her back and tell her we didn't answer the phone she gets all huffy.

She now rings the phone, then my mobile.

I ignore that too

It's for 10 minutes FGS.