To think our family plans are private.

[Momdeguerre]

We have two DC and have not yet decided whether to try for a third.

My SIL has two and DH is one of two. I am one of four. SIL seems to be on some sort of campaign to dissuade us from having another child. Comments range from - it is impssible to holiday with 3 DC, you will have to buy new house/car (not true IMO) to suggestion that the world is overpopulated and we should really only replace ourselves and people who want more are greedy.

She topped it yesterday by asking me if I was taking contraception!

DH thinks she is just nosey and laughs it off. I have already told her we are undecided and that DH and I will reach our own decision but she can't leave it alone. I did wonder if she wanted a third herself but she says not.

I know I could just tell her to bog off but it will no doubt cause a drama. Just have no idea why she is so obsessed with my family plans.

Funny thing is that she is not the only person who seems to assume that two children is ideal. AIBU to assume 3 DC is not that weird, or uncommon and life would not stop with three?

Am expecting no. 3 and I'm hoping life won't stop. Although I do question my sanity on a regular basis.

Perhaps your SIL would secretly like another but can't for some reason. Ask her why she's taking such an interest in your plans.

Tell her to piss off.

I have 3. Have a normal car and holiday abroad every year. Tbh I don't find it much different than having 2.

To be fair, SIL is generally quite invasive - and lives close to us but she is fixated with this. Her DC are 7 and 5 and she asked to be steralised recently so I assume she is pretty certain about not wanting another.

I don't understand why three would make life exponentially harder than two?

Geek - am seriously tempted.

I think a passing 'are you planning anymore?' from a relative or friend is acceptable but asking you about your contraception is a bit loony.

Perhaps she doesn't want you trumping her by having more DCs than her? You have decided what you want to just ignore her.

She's barking.

Tell her to back off and mind her own business. If you don't feel happy with doing this, maybe try to ask your DH to. I'm guessing she is his sister, so she might listen to him more.

Some people have very odd fixed ideas.

I have three, and it can be hard to find holidays. So many S/C appartments are for 2 +2. It's a lot more work, and costs a lot more money, of course and it almost goes without saying that you need an enormous car with loads of seats and a huge boot to go anywhere.

But I wouldn't have done anything different for the world.

It's not worth starting a family feud with your SIL over though

ask if she wants to see your coil while starting to pull your trousers down
Nosey cow!

I get people asking me all the time if I'm going to have another child. It's starting to get upsetting & I don't know what to say so I smile & say something trite.
DD is 2.7. I had a miscarriage last year. I'm nearly 43 & haven't fallen pregnant since mc. Now I think I'm getting too old, though I would be delighted if I fell pregnant again.

Sometimes people just don't think.

I don't think 3 kids is weird - but as more women are having kids later it may be less common now than before - just not the time for lots of us late starters to do it!

I agree with Geek, tell her to piss off.

Having another child is always going to be harder, no matter how many you had before.

I reckon she's probably bitter at not having had a third.

Stealth - excellent idea!

She has always been a bit of a pain but am surprised by how vocal she has been about this. A tiny bit of me suspects she does not want me to have another in case I have a DD. We have all boys between us and I know she was mad about having a girl when pg.

I have no idea why she finds it so horrifying!

We have this too. We're expecting baby 2 in December and already everyone in my family is saying "Oh, that's enough then." We're all pairs in my family and the majority of DH's family. We'd ideally like 3 children and may perhaps stretch to a fourth depending on circumstances and it annoyes me that people are already trying to change our plans when we haven't even had 2 yet!

Oh, and next time your SIL starts harping on about overpopulation, tell her to go read Peoplequake by Fred Pearce. World population is, in fact, falling

it sounds to me as though she would like 3 but for whatever reason isn't having anymore. and she is jealous/envious of you for still having the possibility of having 3.

She sounds too obsessed about it to think that 2 is enough imo.

fwiw I have 5 and my life hasn't stopped (although i can see the argument for stopping at 2!).

"I don't understand why three would make life exponentially harder than two? "

ha ha!

beleive me it does. But I suspect that depends on the personality of no 3

and does she have 2 of one sex, but maybe have a secret hankering for the other sex?

She's out of order, and tragically confused in her thinking, too. Next time she mentions overpopulation, ask why she felt the need to reproduce at all. There are those who think that any reproduction in Western society is a luxury. And as for two!!

This is about her - not you - so try not to take it personally (although I know that's easier said than done).

Is she insecure in general?

Next time she raises the issue, I think a firm but polite "We haven't discounted the idea of a third but of course that's something dh and I will decide for ourselves in our own time" should be a sufficient deterrent from more intrusive questions...

If she still continues, perhaps try something along the lines of "this is obviously a contentious issue for YOU, do you want to talk about it?" Then be quiet and see what happens ...

Sqitten - will have a look!

Polly - yes, her DC are both boys, as are mine. If i had another it might be the only girl. Personally I could not give a fig about gender - would be happy to meet a new little person.

Orm - Ah, of course, I accept that personalities make a huge difference but I still think a third child would be less grief than my SIL!

I think she is worried you might have a girl.

Are holidays that more difficult/expensive with 3? We are thinking of eurocamping and will have 2 dc by then.

I want three but dh always argues the logistics of it. Wonder how much more eurocamp is with 3 children

Other possibilities:

• does she depend on you and dh at all? Is she perhaps jealous of your relationship with your dh?

• does she think that if you have a third child you will have no more time for her or her family?

• or maybe she is regretting being sterlised, perhaps she was pressured in to it by her dh and subconsciously doesn't want you to have any more because she can't????

*Eurocamping next year

Seriously I don't find 3 much different to 2. I have 5 year gaps between mine.

I book holidays early so that we can get the rooms we want, it doesn't cost much more. Our car is a bmw 3 series, adequate space. We bought a bigger house but could have managed in our old house. I only have ever had one child in ft nursery so have managed financially.

I love it and haven't ruled out number 4 But that will depend on finances etc.

Tell her you and DH are definitely hoping to have six children. Be very clear and firm about this.

Am always suspicious when people are so committed about other people's business. Would suggest there is more than meets the eye. May be that sil would love another, but her DH doesn't?

Otherwise, why does she care? Maybe you could ask her this in a jokey way? Something like, 'you seem to be obsessed with my ovaries....'

Stillcounting - think I am going to have to be blunt.

She is often quite overbearing but not usually about something so personal. I have tried to be vague about the subject and more direct to no avail.

DH says he is used to her bossiness and I am sure he would speak to her if I asked, I was rather hoping she might wear herself out before it came to that.