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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a thank you from teachers for their end of term gifts?

98 replies

BigBadMummy · 08/07/2010 10:54

I bought three gifts for staff at my DC's school, various voucher/gift card things with a value of £25. (all sorts of reasons why it was that much money, it wouldn't normally be, and it certainly wasn't for staff at my other DC's school).

I have heard nothing. I didn't actually get to see two of the staff on the last day of term so gave them to the other member and asked if he could pass them on.

Is it too much to ask for an email, saying thanks?

How can we expect our DCs to say thank you for gifts if they do not get the same in return?

OP posts:

emptyshell · 08/07/2010 19:26

I like the pinking shears idea. Sounds daft but teachers sometimes value the most bizarre little things - like I'd love love a decent pencil sharpener that doesn't expire at the thought of more than three pencils!

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/07/2010 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

melikalikimaka · 08/07/2010 20:36

I normally buy a bottle of wine for about a fiver, and I don't expect a thanks cos I know I would be pleased if I got it! [Sorry, you posh mums who spend more on their vino]. They can always recycle it, give it to another person for a present [so that covers the recovering alcoholic teachers!]

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/07/2010 22:13

I'd expect a thank you for a xmas gift but isnt the end of term present meant as a thank you - seems strange to expect thanks for a thank you present.

DS always gets a card via post in thanks for both but its a small school so may make a differemce. Not sure if all or few buy.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 08/07/2010 22:22

Most teachers i know, and especially those in boarding schools, are usually on a plane to somewhere exotic the day after school finishes!

cece · 08/07/2010 22:31

I always give my thnak you notes out in Sept directly to the children.

melikalikimaka · 08/07/2010 23:22

OK, the answer is no, don't expect a thank you, they are very busy people who don't expect a present and are very busy booking their holidays!!!

bramblebooks · 08/07/2010 23:25

Most of them are working hard to stay awake and sane whilst enjoying all the extra end of term stuff and get to the holidays with wits intact!

ChoChoSan · 09/07/2010 08:18

Er, aren't presents usually given at the end of term...thus immediately before a looong holiday? YANBU, of course they should pass their thanks on...

thesecondcoming · 09/07/2010 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clayre · 09/07/2010 09:23

My dd got a thank you card in the post yesterday from her teacher for giving her a gift at the end of term, dd was soooo excited about getting post!!

Eleison · 09/07/2010 09:33

I HATE this business of buying presents for teachers. I don't do it and if I was a teacher I would ask parents not to do it. It is cheesy consumerism colonising authentic gratitude.

What a nuisance having a mountain of tat twice a year.

If I gave something I woul expect the teacher to say a polite thank you to the child that passed it over. I wouldn't expect the teacher to have the added hassle of contacting a dozen parents or more.

They are professionals. Surely they need a decent salary and our respect and support. Not tips.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/07/2010 09:49

BBM - that's a bit churlish to say that you'll buy them tat next year because they haven't thanked you

I presume that you bought nice presents because you wanted to thank them for teaching/looking after your children? Daft then for them to thank you for the thank you! Unless of course the gifts are intended as more of a 'look at me, I'm so thoughtful and generous'?

If you are bothered that you don't know if they got the presents, that is your problem for not having delivered them in person surely?

imahappycamper · 09/07/2010 10:58

Having thought about this I agree with HappyMummyofOne. This gift is to thank them, so why would you expect more thanks in return?
If a friend does me a favour and I buy her some flowers as a thank you I don't expect her to do more than say thank you as I hand them over. Otherwise you could end up in a perpetual round of thanks!

imahappycamper · 09/07/2010 11:04

Elieson I used to have mixed feelings about it too and once asked the Head if we could put something in the newsletter asking if parents could stop buying presents and just send in something the children had made themselves if they really wanted to give something. After much discussion it was decided not to do it. Shame because the best presents are the spontaneous drawings. One of my favourites was a card by a child which said "You are special to me". Gift cost nothing, she did it at school, but to me -priceless.

5DollarShake · 09/07/2010 11:11

I am usually a stickler for thank you cards, but I think in this instance, they are a lovely-to-receive if they are forthcoming, but not necessary.

As others have said, the point of the present is to thank the teacher, so in effect, they have provided a service (teaching your children) which you consider worthy of thanking. You do that by whatever means - a card or a gift. That's where the transaction stops, IMO. They've provided, you've thanked.

RollaCoasta · 09/07/2010 19:41

Ima happy: I disagree that best presents are spontaneous drawings, because they are rarely done to the standard I'd expect of the chidlren in class, and they make me want to make them colour them again!! Home made gifts are often not things you would put around your house!
Personally I'd prefer a pleasant, appreciative thank you note rather than a present - particularly if they are on the returned reports - makes all that time spent on the reports more worthwhile. (Sadly, comments are often things like: 'xx was NOT absent for two days, but one and a half. Please set your records straight.')

Goblinchild · 09/07/2010 20:17

What about the children whose parents didn't get you anything?
So you send a hand-engraved individual thank you to each child that gave you a gift, with a personal message that they treasure and show off next term, making the children who gave and received nothing feel excluded and unhappy.
Then their parents complain of favouritism, and that the teachers are only doing a job and shouldn't get anything.
The road goes ever on and on and on...

traceybath · 09/07/2010 20:24

DS1's teacher said thank you to him and then thanked me for the lovely present when I picked him up . She has been a fab teacher and really deserved a nice present.

She had also made each child a bookmark with their photo on it and saying thank you for them being such a star in her class.

I don't think a thank-you letter/card is necessary though. Surely the present is a thank you and you don't say thank you for a thank you do you? God - I've confused myself now.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 09/07/2010 20:39

I don't really care if we don't get one. dds teacher has been fab, worked himself to exhaustion and needs a break before he prepares for the next years class.

CapitalText · 09/07/2010 21:14

YABU.

Writing individual notes of thanks is not how teachers should be spending their time IMHO.

Goblinchild · 09/07/2010 21:19

Maybe we should write thank you letters for the gifts that we liked?
Or those worth over £20 on ebay resale,

ATW · 12/11/2022 13:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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