not to give my 18mo DD more freedom?

[Bousy]

My DD is 18 months, my only child, and I'm very protective of her. We don't have a stairgate because she's never near the stairs without me. The same for child locks on cupboard doors. If I'm out of the room (having a shower etc) she's in her cot (with toys) upstairs, or her playpen downstairs. I never leave her in a room alone for more than 30 seconds, because none of the rooms are completely childproof. She doesn't really go into the kitchen at all, because the layout makes it impossible for me to do anything while keeping an eye on her.

Is this paranoid and over the top, or does this seem a reasonable approach? I'm beginning to feel bad about the amount of time she spends 'behind bars' while I'm getting her lunch etc. I don't really have any way to judge whether this is 'normal' or not, so please feel free to judge for me

Not judging but you need to loosen up a bit for the sake of her confidence.

I might be remembering it wrong but 18 months can they go up and down stairs on their own reasonably well anyway or am I remembering that wrong or just a dreadful lax slattern of a mother...

But yes, you might consider loosening up a little for your own sake? What's the worst thing that could happen?

Mine have thrived on benign neglect, I wont go into the details or I'll get flamed but we are yet to go to A&E, touch wood.

Thanks, that's what I was wondering, whether I'm restricting her excessively.

Sloany - the worst things that can happen are numerous and the subjects of my worst nightmares. I am so scared of something bad happening to her. I want to keep her safe forever, I know everyone feels the same and it's not possible, but how to strike the balance?

Not necessarily wrong now, but you will need to start planning for the next stage. It will still be several years before she is absolutely trustworthy in a potentially dangerous place, but you won't really be able to stick her in a playpen when she is 2, let alone 3, and you will still need to feel safe enough to go to the loo. So don't feel guilty- but start planning.

Sounds over the top to me. She does need to learn to take reasonable risks as part of normal development.

It's really up to what you feel comfortable with.

I certainly didn't watch DD1 all the time at 18months, just made sure areas were secure for her. In the mornings she used to chug backwards and forwards between our room and hers and it was fine as we had a stairgate and kept the bathroom door closed.

I would have thought 18mo was a bit old for a playpen? But I never had one so don'[t really know.

I think maybe you should childproof the house a bit more and give her some more freedom.

Learning about risk taking is essential for her development, also learning to entertain herself or she will become one of those children who whine "I'm bored, entertain me" when she's older.

The problem comes when they start climbing out of their cot, running away from you, not wanting to 'play ball' while you get on with stuff.

I don't think you are being OTT now, but I think you will probably have to accept that some time soon your DD will probably assert herself and take her freedom, and then you will need to childproof the house and accept that she will want to roam away from you for 30 seconds.

Thanks, this is helpful advice. Maybe instead of hand-wringing I need to start thinking about we move forward to the next stage. She's just started climbing as well, with seemingly no idea about the fact she'll hurt herself if she falls down, which makes me even more paranoid.

Crikey, when I first read this post I thought it was tongue in cheek. I must be even laxer than I thought.

I think a good compromise would be to organise one room that is safe enough to be stairgated off and used as a giant playpen. That leaves her more room to explore and is less babyish than being lifted into your cot whenever mummy needs to leave you.

Or if the upstairs can be cordoned off (maybe with doors shut to rooms she must not enter).

Besides, even if she can't climb out of that cot yet, she soon will. Better to know when she is out and about than find out afterwards.

In the kitchen what I used to do (and what my mother used to do with me, and my grandmother with my mother) was to keep one cupboard full of safe kitchen implements- platic bowls, wooden spoons etc- so that dcs could sit there and do their own cooking while I was doing mine.

my YS is 19 months and we have stair gates ( his development is a little behind due to health issues so he's been slower on the uptake to his peers) but he can go upstairs when they are undone and does so with me behind him when we go up for bathtime, nappy change etc... he has to learn how to get up and down them...

I do leave my child in rooms when I am outside hanging out washing or in the kitchen or cleaning the bathroom.

I never have used a playpen - I think it may be time to dismantle it and let her be aware of her surroundings.

My YS has been into all sorts of scraps because he is that type of child and it's awful but they have to learn and you have to make judgements on where to let go alittle and yet know where to step in....

It's really hard but try to ease up a little or she'll not gain confidence in herself and she's getting to Little Miss Independent stage....

Lots of luck

At 18 mths old, my ds was happily clambering in and out of his cot, going up and down stairs, running about the house with me checking on him every five minutes and just making sure he wasn't in a room which had any obvious dangers.

I'm of the opinion that children need to explore and be independent, and the earlier you teach them to be safe doing this, the better. My dd has just turned 1, and she can climb on and off chairs, go up stairs with supervision, and wanders round our flat quite independently. I'd say you should probably start to give your dd more freedom, and gradually let yourself feel comfortable with her being independent.

My DS was toddling around the house at 9 months and doing stairs (usually with me hovering not far away) at 11 months. By 1, I just let him get on with it. The worst that happened was a few bruised knees.

I just moved anything sharp or breakable out of the way and he worked things out. I think you have to let them try for themselves sooner or later. Do a room at a time and see how she gets on.

Very soon your DD will learn to climb the sides of her cot. Depending on how tall and strong she is, she may manage to get her body weight over the top of the cot side at which point she will fall out of her cot.

You can either plan to put a lid on the cot, or plan to get a toddler bed and some stairgates.

You will need to start giving your DD more freedom in the not to distant future. The sheer joy you will get from watching her attempt and succeed in some tricky activity is worth the frantic childproofing and worry.

Right. Thanks all. Helpful kick up the backside. Hearing what everyone else's DCs do, it's clear I'm holding her back a bit. Expect further posts tomorrow along the lines of 'Help, my DD's just eaten a pot plant/climbed into a chest of drawers/flushed herself down the loo' etc...

Could you not bring her into the kitchen with you while you make lunch? She could sit in her high chair and watch?

Ditto when you shower. I used to put some toys on the bathroom floor while I was in there. She liked the change of environment. I'd talk to her whilst I showered and played peekaboo with the curtain etc.

Or I used to leave the bathroom door open and shut all the bedroom doors so she had the whole of the upstairs. Stairgate at top of stairs.
I'd deffo get one incase she learns to climb out of the cot when you're asleep/not expecting her to do it.

Haha, piprabbit, I'm already considering a lid for the cot! The alternative is to put the two kids into a tiny room together with bunkbeds - not an option I'm looking forward to!

Perhaps I should design one - sounds like there may be a market for one.

I could call it the Cottage, or a BabyBox.

I agree with everyone above. You do need to stop with the cot/playpen, it's not right at her age. We childproofed the living room and got a stairgate - so if we needed to be in the kitchen or loo we could, with the door open, while DS toddled around the living room/landing quite safely. She will start climbing on stuff and she will fall off and bump her head quite often but this is normal. cotton wooling children isn't great as it doesn't help them to learn and develop skills and confidence.

Do buy in some of those things you put in the fridge and can plonk them onto the bump on their head to help soothe the swelling when they dive off the settee (and you never noticed they got there) or have you already ditched the settee for the safety of just cushions on the floor?

DS is 18m and good at going up the stairs but would fall down them. Stair gate essential IMHO.

I leave him downstairs on his own just to go upstairs to the toilet, if i have a shower he trashes plays in the bathroom and flushes the toilet and fiddles with the taps.

I agree with others that you definitely need to stop using the playpen to restrict her all the time.

We have a 21mth old so he's walking, climbing, able to get up and down stairs by himself quite easily. The living room is fairly well baby-proofed and we have stair gates across the bottom of the stairs so he can't go up without us knowing and we also put one across the kitchen door because it's full of really dangerous stuff and it's tiny so if I were to drop something sharp/hot, the chances of him being within striking distance are high! These precautions mean that he can safely roam the lounge/hallway while I'm elsewhere.

Yes, he has had falls and scrapes and bumps and bruises but he lives! It happens and it generally happens in the most ridiculous ways with stuff that you wouldn't think would hurt him. A classic example being when we moved house. All the furniture was loaded in the van and the lounge was completely EMPTY. MIL was sat on the floor with him and somehow, he managed to trip over his OWN FEET, face planted onto the wooden floor, broke open the front of his gum, blood everywhere. Supervised in an empty room!!!

There really is no way to stop the chaos that is the toddler...