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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Any advice on six month old baby starting nursery

39 replies

fairycakes2 · 06/07/2010 17:10

Hi,

I have a beautiful placid six month old baby who is due to start nursery 3 days a week in a couple of weeks time. Has anyone been in this position and got any advice/experience they could share? I'm not sure whether to wait and try him 3 days from 9 months/a year - although that will be very difficult at work. I get a terrible pang at the thought of leaving him - and worry a childminder/nanny might be a better and less daunting option for him.

ANY advice at all gratefully received.

OP posts:

clpsmum · 06/07/2010 17:45

Sorry not been in that position but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. When i went back to work my DS1 was 8 months and he stayed with his Gran. How about putting your baby with a childminder for half the time and nursery for half the time would that make you any happier? It is really daunting especially when they are so young but the interaction with other children their age is good for them. Big hug to you and i hope you find a solution that you are happy with xxxxx

chabbychic · 06/07/2010 17:50

Childminder definitely better. But then I'm biased. Better home from home, children of different ages, usually cheaper...

YesMaam · 06/07/2010 17:54

My children started nursery at 4months, the first one went full time until 1 yr and the second one 3 days a week.
Both my children were placid and beautiful too and they are very happy at nursery and I am very happy with them going. Next baby is starting at 4 months too!
I didn't have any qualms second time round nor this time although I admit 3 days a week is much easier than ft.
Any other questions let me know.

MarshaBrady · 06/07/2010 17:56

yes I'd try a nanny (nannyshare is cheaper and a good option with one baby) or a good childminder.

Missus84 · 06/07/2010 17:58

Your baby will probably settle better at 6 months than if you wait til 9/12 months as separation anxiety will be an issue then.

Have you visited any childminders? Maybe you should so you can compare what's on offer?

Mendeleyev · 06/07/2010 18:00

I would decide on cm or nursery. I think doing both wouldn't let your baby settle. My older dd started full time nursery at 6 months and settled really well. Even my more clingy younger dd coped well. We went for a nursery as it was in the right place and was always open so we could take our hols when we wanted. As long as you are happy with the nursery then he should be fine. Ask about settling in sessions. Our nursery didn't charge for these and it helped me see that dd would cope. Just remember that one years leave is relatively new. Many of us had to go back when our dc were six months so don't feel guilty about it, if it's what you need to do.

sethstarkaddersmum · 06/07/2010 18:05

DD was in nursery from just under 6 months and it was absolutely fine. They told us babies that young usually settled more easily than slightly older ones as it happens....

I know there are some very pro-childminder people on MN and I'm not surprised because I know some fab ones, but I have had friends who had a difficult time with childminders because when the minder is ill the child can't go, and when the child is ill the child can't go, so if you have a job for which too much unplanned absence is a problem it can get very stressful. A former colleague of mine put her child in nursery despite the child loving the minder, because of that.

mummy2theboys · 06/07/2010 18:09

Hi, what a great question. I only wish I had been a MNer when I was at your stage. It is down to what suits you and your baby best. I have two good friends who have used nursery's from age 6 months until 4y. Great reports from them. Although they did say if there is anything you are not happy with or prefer done different to speak up. I have used a nanny because it suited me that someone came to my house, that has worked out very well. I don't know anyone who has used a childminder . I am sending you lots of positive thoughts for your imminent return to work and whatever you decide will be best for baby because you will be happy with the decision.

loler · 06/07/2010 18:22

Don't split the days - I think dc get used to, and therefore are more settled, if not moved about too much. There are some very lovely nurseries around and some terrible childminders. If you get a good feeling about the nursery you have chosen then just go for it.

In a couple of months you'll be wondering why you were worried!

loler · 06/07/2010 18:24

should have also put that there are some poor nurseries and fab childminders - every case is different.

PaulineCampbellJones · 06/07/2010 21:05

I put my DD in nursery at just over 5 months. Lovely nursery and staff and she is very happy there. Wasn't keen on any of the CMs I saw.
I made sure I booked her some taster sessions when I was still on mat leave so that I could build up the amount of time she went in per day gradually. This really helped and she squeals with delight when she sees the nurses now in a morning.
Make sure you have a diary for them to fill in and also give a good overview of baby's routine with feeds ,sleeps etc. A good nursery should want to help you continue this. Hope all goes well for you.

IWillNotNeverEatATomato · 06/07/2010 21:13

I would definitely chose a childminder over a nursery for such a young baby,
but then I have such a wonderful childminder who is like a surrogate granny for DS's so I don't think I could ever think of an alternative.

but agree with others who have said it depends on the options on your area.
so check them all out before making a decision, and take every recommendation you can

poppymouse · 06/07/2010 21:45

Makes a big difference when you start visiting CMs and nurseries I think 6 months is a fine age, they will be settled in before separation anxiety gets going. My CM and her family love my DS and he is as happy as a pig in muck. Plan to send him to nursery when he's a bit older (18months now), that said, the nursery we visited looked lovely and has the advantage that it won't shut when someone goes on holiday or their kids have flu, like the CM does.

hairytriangle · 06/07/2010 21:53

A friend out her baby in nurseryat six weeks. She's now seven and just about the most lovely well adjusted child and mum I know!

freshairfanatic · 06/07/2010 21:59

DD started nursery last year, ft, at just under 7 months. As others have said the adaptation (which at our nursery is done over 2 weeks) at that age is easier than for older babies, as there tends to be less separation anxiety. It's a wonderful nursery with very caring staff. But despite that, in the first few months I worried about whether, being in a group, she was being loved enough (iyswim) during the day time. I also worried about her health, as in the few months she caught so many little infections. Looking back at photos she did become a lot paler during that period. But since she turned 1 she has gone from strength to strength. She LOVES nursery, races in ahead of me each day.

Overall I am happy now with the decision we made, although it was hard at the time. As I read on MN at the time, you have to make your peace with whatever decision you make. That in itself takes time and isn't easy.

Best of luck

archieballerina · 06/07/2010 22:00

My ds went 3 days a week from 7 months. He loved it, still does. Friends that had longer ML had issues with separation anxiety and settling in. Others that switched from child minders/nappies to nursery later also struggled as their children didn't like the change. Saying that they are all settled now. At the end of the day do what you are comfortable with.

Milliways · 06/07/2010 22:03

DD started at 6 months, settled quickly and had a fab time.

DS started later and had a TERRIBLE time settling in, was soo clingy & screamed for ages. I felt awful

The nursery told me the best time is before 6m - when they are not so clingy. Hit 9m and you can have issues.

You will always have guilt, but a good nursery can be a great start for a child. Both mine started school as extremely confident children and never looked back.

porcamiseria · 06/07/2010 22:20

at 6-7 months I sent baby to a CM

for me I preferred it as he got more one on one attention and it was more homely, however for toddlers the nursey environment can be better

all that said, my friend baby at same age flourished at nursery

agree its easier ti settle them at 6-7 monthd

FiveGoMadInDorset · 06/07/2010 22:22

DS started at nursery when he was 6 months and is now 2, he has always been happy there, I have been very happy with the care that he has had and he always goes in and hugs everyone in the mornings.

lola0109 · 06/07/2010 23:29

Hi, DD started nursery 2 days per week at 6mo, I was an absolute wreck, she surprisingly was absolutely fine. She loves nursery and i believe it has brought her on leaps and bounds, was crawling within a week of nursery, walking at 10mo and is a fantastic speaker and now 22mo.

Am currently on mat leave with DD2 and not due to go back to work until 9 months but still hoping to put dd2 in at 6mo rather than wait as I feel she'll benefit. Going to wait until DD1 is 2 though and she moves up to the toddler room so DD2 has her own independence.

My sister has recently tried putting my nephew in nursery for about the 5th time and it's only now at 2yo that he seems willing to go, and she admits she has left it too long and is going o struggle to get him settled. Hope that helps.

Al1son · 06/07/2010 23:36

I wouldn't split between 2 settings either. I would choose a setting where your baby can develop a close secure relationship with one person for most of the time. This would happen automatically with a childminder but could happen in a nursery which has a proper key worker system where the keyworker does most of the caring, feeding, nappy changes, etc. Lots of nurseries have keyworkers but they don't always have chance to develop close relationships so look into that closely. If the one you are planning to use doesn't support this I'd look at others before you start.

lowrib · 07/07/2010 00:57

If it was me I'd wait as long as I could. I was looking for work while DS was little, and didn't land a job until he was 14 month. In retrospect I'm so glad we had the extra time.

DS now goes to a CM and we've found it to be a really good experience. Our CM has other children,so he gets the social aspect you would in a nursery, but in a much more gentle way. Also you have a personal relationship with the CM which beats anything a nursery could provide IMO.

Have a look at the CMs near you on www.childcare.co.uk we found our brilliant CM there.

sunny2010 · 07/07/2010 07:03

I put my daughter in nursery at 4 months for 3 days a week. Its the best age imo as they dont get upset really as they dont really know whats going on. I work in nurseries and would hands down always pick nurseries over childminders but maybe I am biased . I work in the nursery my daughter is at now and see how much she gets out of it, there are so many more facilities and they form so many great, long lasting relationships from nurseries.

I have close relationships with all my key children. Some are leaving in 2 weeks to go to school and I know I am going to be crying as I will miss them so much.

Mbear · 07/07/2010 07:24

I put ds in nursery for 3 days a week from 4.5mo and he is now nearly 10mo and loving it! I carry him round in a front carrier and when I put that on in the morning his little arms and legs wiggle like mad in excitement.

It has seemed that he does get a fair bit of one on one time as by the time other babies are napping, some do mornings or afternoons etc and so he has a great relationship with his key worker and he gets excited when he sees her in the morning.

I did look into the childminder situation, but the ones round here do lots of school pick ups and drop offs with older children, which in itself is not an issue, but I worked out he would be spending a good proportion of his day in his pushchair, which didn't seem much fun for him.

Mercedes519 · 07/07/2010 07:47

I remember talking to the lovely nursery manager about 6 month old DS and fretting "what is he going to do all day" and she said "exactly what he does at home, sleep, eat, play". I felt slightly foolish after he settled in really quickly and had a lovely time. Make sure your nursery is well versed in their routine and have a good system for recording their day and then you can see what their day has been like. And he developed really close relationships with the staff, you can check the level of staff turnover on the Ofsted report, this was a key consideration for me to make sure he got the consistency of care.

And while I know exactly how you are feeling your DC will be fine, better than you in fact!

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