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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Any advice on six month old baby starting nursery

39 replies

fairycakes2 · 06/07/2010 17:10

Hi,

I have a beautiful placid six month old baby who is due to start nursery 3 days a week in a couple of weeks time. Has anyone been in this position and got any advice/experience they could share? I'm not sure whether to wait and try him 3 days from 9 months/a year - although that will be very difficult at work. I get a terrible pang at the thought of leaving him - and worry a childminder/nanny might be a better and less daunting option for him.

ANY advice at all gratefully received.

OP posts:
ernestbear · 07/07/2010 08:37

Hi there
I could have written your post 5 months ago! Also lucky to have a placid chilled baby. I really fretted at the time, and am so glad I went ahead - LO settled brilliantly into nursery. Also was one of the youngest in a very nuturing, consistent and great nursery, and the staff really have been almost as excited as us at seeing him change from being able to sit and only just weaning from BF onto food and some formula to being a busy crawling baby who loves his food and chatters alway in baby language.
Things that have helped:
-being really clear about LOs routine when you meet with the staff at settling in times, and keeping an open mind when they suggest things, but also be clear if there are certain things you really want done in a certain way
-find out who his/her keyworker is and get to know them
-only 4 staff in the baby room, so they all get to know the babies really well and this has been really important for us, and LO has a good relationship with each of them
-I had the chance to put LO in a few weeks before I started work, so integrated him really slowly - a couple of visits with me, then on his own, then for meals and sleeps etc. This worked really well, and although LO would prob have been fine with a quicker process, I found it helped me get my head around it!
Good luck

fairycakes2 · 07/07/2010 19:36

Wow! I just want to thank everyone for contributing so generously and positively to my question.

I'm going to follow up a lot of the advice here: I love the nursery we've picked out, but do worry about the one on one time that my son would get - there's a keyworker system and a 1:3 staff ratio but there will still be times of the day when he's not the focus of attention as he is at home. And also dreading all the childhood illnesses...I'll follow up the childminder link too - the only thing is I'd only really go with a childminder if I had a personal recommendation but I'll certainly look at what is on offer.

Thank you so much again everyone. It's a really hard time but its good to know other people out there have been in the same boat and have had such happy endings!

OP posts:
lowrib · 08/07/2010 08:46

fairycakes2 ask the CMs for their OFSTED report. The one we picked had an outstanding OFSTED report, which she sent us before we met her. Outstanding is hard to get, and when we met her it became apparent why, she's just brilliant. I would advise meeting a few, asking lots of questions and trusting your gut instinct. A good CM will be happy for you to visit with your little one when they're at work to see what the setting is like.

We don't have to worry about consistency of care (with staff changes at a nursery) or that DS isn't getting enough personal attention. We have a personal relationship with our CM and DS is friends with her son (same age) and the other kids there, it's been great for him.

The really good CMs are the ones which have been working with kids for years, and treat it a proper professional occupation. We're moving and are interviewing new CMs at the moment. One of them was a primary teacher for years.

snowdropz · 08/07/2010 10:36

I have had my baby in at nursery from about 5.5 months - but I have delayed my return to work.

Although I have left my baby for a few days work, which I found very hard.

My baby now goes in 1-2 days a week as I was able to get into an excellent nursery and wanted to keep the place for an eventual return to work - he gets loads of attention - his key worker has been there every day and there is another worker who he also spends time with. I was very gradual with my leaving of him - so he settled in well. The staff are just totally brilliant and I so trust them. They work so hard and I like the fact that their is a team of staff.

When I looked into childminders was concerned as to how often the baby would be in a pushchair, or at a cafe.
Also when you add in housework, and other distractions .. then I like the fact that nursery staff are really focussed on the children without other demands - other than other children.

Personally I would only choose a child minder who had worked at a very good nursery. I would also not have a childminder who allowed tv on.

My baby is very relaxed and the nursery staff picked up on this and he is still very relaxed.

emy72 · 08/07/2010 10:57

Ok I have 4 children and I have had a nanny, started nursery from 6 months and from 1 year and from 2 and a half, done a mix, done a bit of everything really! So here are my thoughts:

  • it only matters starting from 6 months as opposed to say 9 months or 1 year if you haven't got the weaning sorted out. Are you still breastfeeding during three day? This CAN cause some problems - not insormountable ones.

Having done both 6 months and 1 year, I would say that it was slightly easier for me at 1 because they could eat/drink anything and sit up and play, therefore having more distractions. I had also had the chance of leaving them for short periods of time, so I could TEST how they reacted!

They CAN go through attachment issues at that age but they are all different and some have them earlier, some don't have them, so difficult to say...

If not, then I find that they settle fine at 6 months or 9 or 1 year or even 2 and a half equally. If they don't settle after a long period of time, it might be an indication that the arrangement is not right for them - but unfortunately until you try you won't know...some more advice for you from my experience:

  • don't do too much of a mix - kids like routine a lot, and too many faces/people/carers with different rules can be unsettling for them. Even a grandma is still another face/set of rules etc
  • a nanny can be great IF she is the right person and reliable at that. My experience wasn't fantastic and I got left in the lurch so if you have family around that's not too much of a problem; if you don't then be prepared to have a fall back plan.
  • nurseries are always open but then again if your child is sick they will be at home with you - your employer might let you work from home in these events? If not, then again something to think about. What I am trying to say, whatever scenario it's always good to have a fall back option.
  • Childminder, I haven't tried, so can't comment.

I prefer nurseries because of not having to do employee management stuff (I do this as my day job so I can't do with having that in my personal life too!) and also because I work from home most of the time, I don't like having someone around, the noise can be offputting in a meeting and the kids get unsettled seeing me come and go.

When choosing a nursery it is also important to look at ratios, cleansiness, and outdoor space. Make sure there is plenty of outdoor space for them to run around. It is important when they are 18 months onwards. 3 days is a long time to be cooped up inside!

That's it I think - I hope this was a bit helpful xxx

lowrib · 08/07/2010 14:21

OK, I feel I must come out in defence of childminders! Yes there are some who are rubbish.

I too would not send my child to a CM where he would be watching TV, spending a lot of time in a buggy or a cafe, or where the CM was doing her housework!

But I think many people are not aware that there are some excellent CMs out there, who approach their job with the highest levels of professionalism. Do read a potential CM's OFSTED report, they're not going to get a good or outstanding rating if their just dragging the child about with them rather than providing excellent care!

Let me give you an idea of what our CM does, so you can see why I'm so enthusiastic.

Our CM employs assistants, who are also OFSTED registered. Between them they look after up to 6 children, all in the same age group (currently they?re 1-2). We particularly liked this as it means DS gets to spend time with the same group of children his age, and he has built up good friendships with them.

Our CM plans the week ahead, so we all know what the children will be doing - and even what they'll be eating - before the week begins. Every day she gives us a brief written report so we can see what our DCs got up to, and what they especially liked doing that day.

Typically they go out in the mornings - perhaps to one of the many parks, a city farm, the library or maybe to feed the ducks. This is very important to me as I like the idea that DS is out and about in the world, having new experiences, not cooped up in one place all the time.

In the afternoons they do activities at the house. In the few months DS has been there, he's done so much - messy play and painting, ball play, water play, learning about mini-beasts etc. She reads to them, and makes sure they have plenty of time for free play. The toys and equipment she has in fantastic.
She even has someone who comes once a week to do a special creative session with them.

Importantly for us, our CM is flexible. If we want him to attend outside of his agreed days she's always managed to accommodate us. She's able to give us a degree of flexibility that a nursery can't.

Our CM never has the TV on, or does her housework while working (I might mention it to her just to see her face! The idea would be like me bringing my ironing to the office), or drags the DCs around while conducting her life. She is a professional, and the welfare and development of our children is her priority.

DS is always absolutely beaming when I pick him up, he gets so much out of his time there, and I very much appreciate the fact that our relationship is personal. She only has 6 children to get to know, and she has taken great pains to make sure the care she provides is appropriate for each child.

She?s not the only one like this. There are other very professional CMs about.

When DS is a bit older he may well go to a nursery. But for early years care, I don?t think you can beat an outstanding CM.

lowrib · 08/07/2010 14:31

I should add, that we did need to compromise in two ways to find such a fantastic CM.

Firstly, she ain't cheap! But her fees are less than I've heard some nurseries charge, and this is a case of you get what you pay for I think. And as we get CTC it's affordable for us.

Secondly, we needed someone who could be especially flexible (because of DP's job) so we cast our net quite wide to find that person.

It's about a 20 min journey by car to the CMs, or 45 by public transport when I do the pick-up. But we feel this compromise is worth it, to ensure DS is getting such excellent care, it's just so important.

essenceofSES · 08/07/2010 14:43

DS started nursery at 8mo in Feb. From what I've noticed amongst other little ones there and from friends, 6-8mo is the ideal age to start. As others have said, after that separation anxiety can make things more difficult.
He started initially with settling in sessions. First of all for a couple of hours (twice) and then half a day a few times with a gradual build up to full days.

The other thing I really felt was that the anticipation of him starting nursery (and my return to work) was so much worse than the reality.

I'm glad you like your nursery - hope it works out for you

snowdropz · 08/07/2010 21:03

lowrib - in some ways your CM sounds very similar to the nursery set up that we use. Good advice as to Ofsted reports - our nursery has an outstanding but I did not realise that they are so hard to get.

fairycakes2 · 09/07/2010 20:54

Hi everyone, just to say thank-you so much again for your extremely kind responses. I really appreciate all of them. Lowrib - I want your childminder! My son has done a few hours in nursery - with me in another room, and seems to have done very well. The nursery has an outstanding offstead report and I have a lot of faith in his keyworker but am still anxious that three days is a long time. I'll definitely build him up slowly as people have suggested. He's down with a cold already - and I'm dreading him getting lots of these infections but I guess there's no way round this, and even with a CM there would be the same risks.

Anyway, my heartfelt thanks to everyone - its good to know other people have been where I am!

OP posts:
BarkisIsWilling · 09/07/2010 21:23

We had a CM for one child from 5 months to just under 2 (and a move to nursery). This worked very well for us.

A friend put her baby in nursery from the 6th month because her previous childminder had held her to ransom over the first child. There was the bonus of interacting with other children, seeing her big brother through the day. The baby's mum had the assurance of continuity of care.

BertieBotts · 09/07/2010 21:30

I agree with the people who say that 6 months is a good age. 9 months to about 3-4 years is prime separation anxiety time, so before 9 months is good (as they tend to be happy as long as they are fed/not tired/being held by someone) - and then by the time they get to the SA phase they already know their keyworker, which helps them settle in.

katechristie · 09/07/2010 21:50

hi fairycakes, TBH, you might find the 3 days are better to settle your DS in from the beginning. He will get used to it quicker. Our nursery say that the children who only do one or two days a week to begin with take longer to settle.

UnseenAcademicalMum · 09/07/2010 23:38

My ds1 started nursery at just short of 6 months for 2 days per week. After a month, I switched him from 2 full days per week to 4 mornings per week and altered by working hours.

This was in part because I found that on my non-working days I was still sat working anyway and going in for the mornings only gave me the afternoons free, but also because I found it easier to establish him in a regular routine by taking him in every morning and home every afternoon rather than some days being completely at home and some days completely at nursery.

It is upsetting to leave your lo at nursery at first, but honestly, if you are happy with your choice of nursery and maintain good communication with your keyworker, it'll be fine.

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