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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by neighbours being so nosey

48 replies

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 11:22

We dont speak to one of our neighbours as they have bullied my ds (11yrs) since they moved in 3yrs ago , they call him horrible names & encourage their children to steal things from ds (1 of their children admitted that his mum told him to call ds a name every time he See's ds)
Anyway they have now got a group of six children that now call ds names whenever he leaves the house so ds wont go out anymore dh & i have spoken lots of times to these parents & asked them to leave my ds alone ... a few weeks ago as i was getting into my car she asked me with a smirk on her face "why does my ds not go out to play anymore ?" i lost my temper & told her how disgusting she was to pick on a child & she should grow up & do us all a favour . Yesterday another neighbour that i only know to say hello to(but is friends with neighbour we dont talk to) knocked in & asked me out straight why my ds does not go out to play much these days , when i didn't answer she then went on to say that she hardly See's me going out much either. i just made a joke about us being hermits & said i was really busy & had to go . I feel really uncomfortable now & didn't realise we were being kept tabs on .

OP posts:

Diamondback · 06/07/2010 11:26

Hi Sizzlers, it's difficult to know. Your neighbour could just be being nosey, but do you think it's possible that she's started to suspect her 'friend' is a bully and genuinely wants to know what's going on? If any so-called grown-up down my road was behaving like this towards young children, I'd want to know and I'd want to offer my support to you - but I wouldn't offer that support without knowing what's going on. IS that a possibility?

Aside from that, have you considered reporting her to the police for harassment of your family?

littleducks · 06/07/2010 11:26

Move. I know it is far easier said than done but really if you stay where you are your lives will be totally miserable and your ds will have no self esteem,

BeerTricksPotter · 06/07/2010 11:28

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Original poster

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 11:48

Last year we reported all to the police as they were damaging our property purposely & we had photo's of them doing it as proof but they just received a caution , that bit has stopped but they have upped the intimidation iyswim . Every time we come & go from our house their window curtain gets pulled open & they sit on their window sill staring at us . We can not afford to move as Dh has had a big pay cut in his wages & things are tight ATM . The second neighbour has often asked me questions if i bump into her going to the shop etc & then runs straight into her friends house if i tell her anything . Then if i leave house shortly after the neighbour we dont speak to will call my ds & say things like "oh i hear xxxxx " exactly what i would have told the second neighbour. therefore letting me know that anything i say gets passed back . So now i have to be very careful of what i say to the second neighbour . The whole situation is crazy & getting me down .

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 06/07/2010 13:02

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2rebecca · 06/07/2010 13:06

Yea because GPs have loads of spare time!
I think the neighbour maybe suspects the other neighbour is a bully. I'd tell them the problem and involve the police for harrassment. If council tenants I'd inform the council.
They sound horrid.

slushy · 06/07/2010 13:07

Oh I am really sorry for all the stress you are going through. Do you own your home, rent private, or council.

Because I think if you are in a council house or rent privately and you speak to the council and explain this problem they will probably give you a transfer.

BeerTricksPotter · 06/07/2010 13:08

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Iklboo · 06/07/2010 13:12

A GP's report into stress related illnesses can add weight to a request for a council/housing authority move.

blackberryway · 06/07/2010 13:12

Souinds nightmarish. I think however tight times are you have to move. Your poor ds, what must this be doing to him? Complaining isn't going to help, especially if there's more than one neighbour involved. I don't know why they would pick on your family but you need to get out.

GetOrfMoiLand · 06/07/2010 13:15

Good grief where on earth do you live?

I agree - go to the GP, keep a diary of every small thing which happens. Contact your council.

Do you live in a council house (NOT slagging off council estates - my mum lives on one and it seems that some people think they have a right to interfere hugely in other poepel's lives). Can you get a transfer?

phoenixflower · 06/07/2010 13:24

Sounds dreadful, your poor DS and you. If they are council tennants, I agree about informing the council.. or seeing if you can be moved. No-one should have to put up with that in/around their own home

Original poster

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 13:54

We dont live on a council estate & we own our own home & are in negative equity ATM & selling is not an option as we have a big enough mortgage already & are a 1 income family which dh has had to take a pay cut & the company he works for are seeking 150-200 people to lay off so really not in a position to move .
We had a playroom built for ds to invite his school pals over & that is where he spends his time plus we try go on days out as much as possible so that we all get a break away from the house , We are hoping to be able to move but might be in 2-3 years time.

OP posts:

wingandprayer · 06/07/2010 13:57

Do you neighbours own their place as well? If they don't it may be worth senidng a letter outlining their behaviour to their landlord as well.

Original poster

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 14:09

Yes they own their house as well , which looks like we are stuck in this situation , I am trying to keep the second neighbour at arms length but she seems determined to get involved .
Other neighbours on my road have noticed all the hassle we have been getting & have told me that they dont talk to these neighbours either as they have had problems with them too .
When we are out & its time to go home my heart sinks .

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFit · 06/07/2010 14:57

you have to try to get out of there, it'll drive you bonkers otherwise. Can you put your house up for rent, and use the rent to pay for rent somewhere else? You can't go on living like that.

wingandprayer · 06/07/2010 14:59

You poor thing it sounds horrible. I really can't believe their behaviour towards your son. Picking on a grown up would be bad enough, but that's just pathetic. Though because it is aimed at a child I think the police should get more involved - it's clearly not just a neighbour's spat IYSWIM?

I seriously would report every little incident to the police though and maybe they might start taking things more seriously. Do you have a community officer? Can you ask for an appt with them as well? Speak to your GP as suggested, get things on record. Keep a diary of what is said/done and the effect it has on your family. I'd even consider getting your local councillor and/or MP involved. We have a bit of the council that will step in with neighbour disputes even if they are privately owned. I think it will take time, but only by making it other peoples' problem will they help with yours.

And just don't interact with the other neighbour at all. Yes and no answers, vague "oh I don't know sorry..." about anything else. She will then have no ammo for the neighbour and will soon get bored of asking. Don't interact with the parents. At the moment you are playing their game and they are loving it. Try not to give them the satifaction. I know it's easier said that done but I read something on here recently about a loony ex that said it's all well and good you trying to be nice and civil but you can't reason with someone who is clearly deranged, just as this family next door clearly are.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/07/2010 15:01

2Rebecca what are you on about? Last time I checked you made an appointment and could see your GP in their work time not their spare time.

scurryfunge · 06/07/2010 15:03

Perhaps 2rebecca misunderstood

2rebecca · 06/07/2010 15:11

I don't think the OP has an illness. GPs deal with illnesses. Making the OP visit her GP is just medicalising a social problem. She has neighbours who intimidate her family. That is a police matter, not an illness. Turning it into her "stress" problem is a poor way of fixing the problem.
The neighbours need sorting out not the OP.

scurryfunge · 06/07/2010 15:37

The neighbours certainly need sorting but stress can be a result of such problematic neighbours and shouldn't be disregarded.

Lucy85 · 06/07/2010 15:47

I agree with littleducks. my neighbours are evil. They throw rubbish in our garden, are rude and obnoxious, shout and scream at us when in our garden and also stare at us through the windows all the time.
Or they did.
Luckily, the evil couple got everything they deserved, split up and now the house is for sale. i am heartily glad I do not have to put up with their horrid evil brats and massive swearing rows through the wall.

However it has ruined our house for me. i do not want to live here. So, I think moving is a good idea. it sounds extreme but none of you will ever be happy there.

Original poster

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 16:12

Thanks for all your replies , i really am a private person& keep myself to myself , the only time i ever speak to neighbours is to say " good morning , nice day " that sort of thing . It just upset me yesterday that second neighbour thought it was OK to knock into me to ask awkward questions to which i really do not want to answer as that would seem like i am slagging neighbour off & escalate the problems we are having with them .

OP posts:

Tabliope · 06/07/2010 16:22

I really feel for you. I've had bad neighbours before but it was directed at me and other households, not my DS. Absolutely terrible. Not sure if getting the police involved would escalate it although I'd be tempted to. What utterly vile people. All you can do is keep your son away from them and then hopefully move on when you can. Sort of in the same boat - too scared to let DS out on his own as bullied at school and fear it would happen if he was out on his own. I've even been hassled by them - they're 10! Don't let the bds grind you down and good luck.

Original poster

sizzlers · 06/07/2010 16:46

Tabliope - sorry to hear you are in a similar situation i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy tbh your poor ds . It sickens me that they have treated my ds like this , children should never be brought into an adults argument IMO.

OP posts:

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