To be upset by neighbours being so nosey

[sizzlers]

We dont speak to one of our neighbours as they have bullied my ds (11yrs) since they moved in 3yrs ago , they call him horrible names & encourage their children to steal things from ds (1 of their children admitted that his mum told him to call ds a name every time he See's ds)
Anyway they have now got a group of six children that now call ds names whenever he leaves the house so ds wont go out anymore dh & i have spoken lots of times to these parents & asked them to leave my ds alone ... a few weeks ago as i was getting into my car she asked me with a smirk on her face "why does my ds not go out to play anymore ?" i lost my temper & told her how disgusting she was to pick on a child & she should grow up & do us all a favour . Yesterday another neighbour that i only know to say hello to(but is friends with neighbour we dont talk to) knocked in & asked me out straight why my ds does not go out to play much these days , when i didn't answer she then went on to say that she hardly See's me going out much either. i just made a joke about us being hermits & said i was really busy & had to go . I feel really uncomfortable now & didn't realise we were being kept tabs on .

agree you need to start fighting back, can it really be much worse?
some good suggestions here, so start a diary and complain about them to police. make complaining about them your hobby! dont let them fuck you up

not sure about neighbour 2, she could be a concerned, she could be a shitstirrer, ask her why she cares?

ugh some people

The police just gave them a caution to stop damaging our property & then told me when i phoned for advice a couple of weeks ago that if i make further complaints about these people my name will be kept on file & that is not good So now i feel like there is nothing i can do . The husband knocked into us last week after yet another effort from us to try resolve this & threatened us in our own home that his brother in laws will get involved in this if we dont let his wife do & say what she likes.

Why would the police tell you not to complain of harassment? It's an offence and they should investigate. Is there more to this?

op,did you not ask her why she wanted to know all this???

Scurry thats exactly what the police officer told me on the phone , that if i keep putting in complaints (i have only complained once before this to the police) then my name & details will be kept on file & its not good . He then said that in these circumstances there's not a whole lot the police can do & at best they might be able to set up a meeting with next door & ourselves with our local community officer present to try sort out our problems . I have not rang the police to tell them of the threat because i am worried it will only make things worse .

Don't know what to suggest, just wanted to say how awful it sounds and hope that you can get some help. These people sound absolutely insane?! I can't believe that adults actually behave like that and are making your life so miserable. I hope they get their just deserts.

If your name and details are kept on file that means they record it as an incident and not necessaily a criminal offence that time.

It is good that they are recording your complaints, as it adds weight to any future harassment.

You must tell them of the threat.

I would ask for the community officer to attend to see how this can be resolved.

Ilove - no i didn't say anything tbh because i felt like she was just being nosey & stirring up trouble , i just brushed her off in a jokey sort of way by saying we are hermits & said i was really busy .

Scurry , yes i think my complaint is just on file as i did not want to press any charges against neighbours , i just wanted the police to get them to stop damaging our property iyswim. It took a lot for me to phone the police as it was the last thing i wanted to do , but after having our property damaged 4 times in the space of 2 years & all they have put ds through i felt it was the last resort .

She may have been worried about you and suspect something horrible is going on.

She may be a friend of the vile neighbour and is pushing for a bit of juicy info to take back to her.

What is the feeling you get?

I am really sorry about your poor DS. You have been very restrained so far.

Keep recording incidents yourself and when you feel you have painted the picture, make the complaint and you can show what has been going on and how it has affected your family.

thefirstmrsdevere - Thanks . My gut feeling is second neighbour is being entertained by the drama & i know for a fact that whenever i tell her anything she runs into the other neighbour .

Thanks scurry , ill do that .

I cant tell if you are right about that sizzlers but I can see that happening where I live.

Constantly amazed at how childish the women round here are. Its like being back at school.

Get an Anti Social Behaviour Order against them.
Contact either your local council, solicitor or police for full details on what is required

To be honest, you and your family are being bullied by ALL your neighbours. They are behaving like dogs who can smell the fear. No doubt MUCH easier said than done, but think this needs to be treated as a family-wide issue. You need to study up on bullying and how to respond, but off the top of my head:

1. Do not give any of your neighbours the impression that you are harassed / anxious etc (don't show a chink in your armour). Why should you be, who the hell are they worth worrying about? If they were successful and happy they wouldn't behave like this.

1. Your neighbour asking questions is not nosy, she is the most cowardly of the neighbours. I would be quite cold and act surprised if she asks questions, and would probably ask her questions that I thought would upset her, but in a v sweet manner. She will stop feeding information back to the aggressive neighbours.

1. Overall, its important to seem strong - your DS needs to see this as, frankly, he needs you in his corner and to feel empowered, not on the run. Tony Soprano from The Sopranos would never get bullied, so think of him, or whoever else helps give you strength (you need to act a part, so find a good role model).

1. They are animals, but the world is full of them and clearly the Police aren't helping you. I would think of legal but vindictive things that could happen to them. Most bullies can't handle a taste of their own medicine. Not that you want to start WWIII.

Hope this helps! Sorry to post and run, but am about to watch The Sopranos...

good advice bunny

channeling Tony............

I think the thing that might not "look good" if you keep complaining is that, if and when you sell your house in future, there will be a record that you have had problems with your neighbours and will have to be disclosed if asked. This may make it difficult to sell your house.

That's right Cocobongo - I think it might be the law now to disclose any issues with neighbours to prospective buyers. Don't let the current situation make you feel powerless, focus all your energies on some sort of timescale for getting your family out of there, that will help you feel more in control of the situation. Someone mentioned renting out the house earlier, that might be one way.

Thanks to all who have replied x

Bunny great advice thanks , i suppose up until a couple of weeks ago i just ignored them & tried to rise above them but inside i was shaking at the thoughts of confrontation iykwim . Then i let rip when she smirked & asked why my son does not go out to play anymore knowing full well why . That was just over two weeks ago & nothing has happened since , bar second neighbour coming over on Monday asking awkward questions which felt like she was trying to stir up trouble again.
Good point about having to disclose trouble with neighbours when we sell up & the police officer did advise us to move & i did tell him we are planning to so yes maybe thats what he meant .
thanks again x

Sizzlers, you are a decent person so of course tried to rise above it. And I also hate confrontation. But these are not decent people you are dealing with, these are people who can't function well in society. Assume they have a myriad of their own issues. Whatever, who cares, not your problem. But they are causing issues for you and, most worryingly for your DS, so that's why I recommend a change of plan. Am not advocating Tony Soprano's thuggish approach, btw, just providing food for thought.

Thanks bunny i know what you mean . I really hope things dont start up again which is why i am keeping second neighbour at bay , only time will tell i suppose . thanks for your advise . I will start watching the sopranos for tips lol .

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