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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to say we do without the fuss,expense and agro

51 replies

sweetbloom · 05/07/2010 18:49

Been with dp a very long time,have two lovely dc would like something small, intimate and personal in Hampshire that really involves our dc's.
Do not fancy registery office,or a church so stuck on that part, but mainly would like dp,dc,and close family to share our special day.
Im really worried we will upset alot of people and they would expect a invite aibu.
Surely though its what we want?,feel bad saying that though arghhhh.

OP posts:
gomummygo · 05/07/2010 22:04

Highly recommend eloping (wonderful experience, focused on US not all the details), not telling anyone until after. You might get a few comments but anyone that matters will be happy for you - and no one can argue once you're already married! Good luck!

BrittanyBeers · 05/07/2010 22:16

I got married in Winchester Hotel du Vin.
It was lovely.
You don't need to decorate as it's so pretty.
You can have 50odd people at the ceremony in the function room.
You can have the whole building, as we did, or just the room & garden.
We did it at 3pm, so cheaper still.(They can still do lunch service)

It was cheaper than Marwell too.

Original poster
sweetbloom · 06/07/2010 10:35

Thanks BrittanyBeers did you may marry recentley?,is it child friendly do you know.

OP posts:
venusandmars · 06/07/2010 12:11

Sweetbloom, we got married last year, just the 2 of us and our 2 dds as witnesses (they are old enough to do that). It was lovely, intimate and just as WE wanted it.

We told our family beforehand, and they were all OK with it. They understood what was important to us and they love us enough to put that before what they might have wanted.

One friend of mine was upset not to be invited, but it hasn't spoiled our friendship.

Our service was conducted by an Interfaith minister (they do ceremonies for people of all faiths or none), or you could consider a humanist celebrant. You can go a register office and do the legal stuff then have a small personalised ceremony with your close friends and family, just the way you want it. I know that interfaith ministers are happy to involve young children, and some combine wedding ceremonies with baby blessing ceremonies.

Chynah · 06/07/2010 15:53

Me and DH got married abroad - just the two of us. It was fantastic and just how we wanted it.

Annner · 06/07/2010 16:15

Sparsholt College is fab: beautiful and v competitively priced vis a vis the other venues mentioned here. We had our reception there.

Carryoncatsbum · 06/07/2010 17:13

We went abroad just the 2 of us and it was great. Had party afterwards for friends and family. If anyine wasn't happy about it they never mentioned it. It's your day and memories so I think you should do what you want not worry about everyone else.

Rhuidean · 06/07/2010 17:27

Bucklers Hard has a chapel in a house, its a bit different.

LolaKnickers · 06/07/2010 17:40

I did a small wedding. Was really fab and looking back, wouldn't change a thing about it. I think emy72 has summed up why you shouldn't try and do the done thing or please other people - you probably won't please them anyway!

To be honest, I've been bored witless and eaten terrible food at a number of "proper" weddings that I've been to, so I wouldn't worry about people expecting an invitation. Better to have something fab with a select few.

Eve34 · 06/07/2010 20:33

Hello local ladies. I am so surprised that I have fellow MN so local. Maybe you say me eyeing up the peguin's in tesco.

Be lovely to meet up with anyone fancies it?

Ragwort · 06/07/2010 20:40

Absolutely agree that you should have the weddiing YOU want - we had a very small wedding, three guests at the registry office and five for lunch (plus us !) - one or two people made a sly comment but who cares - I honestly think that most people are pleased not to have to fork out for new outfit, present etc etc. My heart always sinks when I am invited to a wedding.

We have no regrets - 22 years later !

veyron · 06/07/2010 20:53

I can totally recomend The Botleigh Grange Hotel, the grounds, gardens and lake are beautiful. DH and I had our wedding breakfast and our evening reception there. (we married at St James' Church in West End)I remember when we were first looking at venues they did provide a package with the ceremony included.

ChutesTooNarrow · 06/07/2010 21:23

I want to get married at Botleigh Grange but think I would combust at the prices.

ChutesTooNarrow · 06/07/2010 21:25

Oh and I'm currently talking to myself over on the Southampton Local page if anyone wants to join me.

pippylongstockings · 06/07/2010 21:42

I would 2nd and 3rd having the small wedding that you want.

If you are paying for it then why spend thousands of pounds on feeding and watering others?

My DH and I eloped last year - we had been together 19 years and have 2DS, I don't think anyone could doubt our commitment to each other!

We wanted it just to be the two of us. Two friends were witnesses with another 4 guests and we told our families when we got home - everyone was so pleased for us. I do feel a little guilty not having my mum there but honestly it was a great great day. Hope you have the wedding you want and good luck.

emy72 · 06/07/2010 22:23

Sweetbloom - yes, DH and I are very happy and have had 4 children since...but I still fancy eloping with him and remarrying him!

Maybe we'll do a vow renewal somewhere exotic and just invite the children lol - good luck with your decision! xx

Original poster
sweetbloom · 07/07/2010 13:01

Eve34 I will meet up with you or anyone who fancies it.

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 07/07/2010 13:09

I'm not even inviting my own brother and his mob to mine. He's ok but we never hear from him, to be honest my close friends are more family. His mob are all grown up so not classing the dcs as that

Do it your way, what suits you and your close family.

veyron · 07/07/2010 13:13

CTN - The Botleigh Grange

I think you'll find when actually having a meeting with the Wedding Coordinator (Super Smiley Sarah) they can be extremely competitive with their prices - give them a go (You might be pleasantly surprised!)

mnistooaddictive · 07/07/2010 13:19

I know some people who invited everyone for a lunch to celebrate their engagement. When everyone got there, they were told thew wedding was that afternoon and they all went after lunch. No guss or aggro and no opportun ity for other people to be invited!

Original poster
sweetbloom · 07/07/2010 19:43

I will look into that mta as this was a place we fell in love originally ,it depends on what they could offer cost wise.

OP posts:
biddysmama · 07/07/2010 21:41

thats what i wanted but mil to be promised dp's neice i would have her a bridesmaid and i'm too soft to say no and make a spoilt little girl cry

Snobear4000 · 07/07/2010 21:53

If people are upset by this then they will have revealed that they are of a character that you do not need as friends or family.

Eve34 · 08/07/2010 23:38

hello sweet bloom and chutes to narrow. Come on other local ladies we should get together and put some faces to MN.

Sadly I am not the bordon wearing kinda girl. I don't bite and give my son the very rare fruit shot.

I don't work fridays if that suits anyone???

ChutesTooNarrow · 09/07/2010 21:16

Eve34 I am rubbish at organising things but if you want to start something in the meet ups or local page I will come along and demonstrate my stunning lack of knowledge of any local attraction that isn't a pub (luckily I have a sat nav though).

Gosh that was a very long sentence.