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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DD get the bus?

45 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 17:37

at risk of this thread making me feel even worse....

here goes

DD (age 13) is going on a 3 day residential trip with school this week - she leaves weds morning and comes back friday teatime) she has just this minute informed me that she will need a lift to school that day.

i work from 8am on a morning. i had not booked time off because i thought the kids would just get the school bus as per normal. she has laid the biggest guilt trip on me - saying she thought i would see her off.
i cannot get time off at this late stage. i have phoned DH and he cant get time off either. i have argued with DH as he is a manager and could have organised an hour off imo - but he says he cant. i know i cant as its too late to organise cover.

AIBU to get her to take the school bus as normal? i feel awful now that i didnt organise something to go and see her off.

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 05/07/2010 17:41

I would take her anyway even if i couldn't get the time off,but that is me.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/07/2010 17:41

Why would you think YABU? Her responsibility to tell you the arrangemnts. School bus all the way in this house (says the woman who waved her DD off on a three night school trip with tears and snot)

TrillianAstra · 05/07/2010 17:42

She's 13, she doesn't need you to wave her off. You have responsibilities that you cannot get out of at the last minute, she is old neough to realise this.

thisisyesterday · 05/07/2010 17:47

no, she can take the bus and she'll be fine. you can say your goodbyes the night before, or early in the morning

only other alternative is whether a friend could give her a lift?

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 17:48

she has made me feel SO guilty about it. honestly most times she wont be seen dead with me - and now she wants me to see her off. i just thought she would be all excited and want to be with her friends, she has only just told me that people are going by car. i would have loved to see her off, but i cant get time off at this late stage. my boss is completely unsympathetic to having children - last time i asked if i could go in 10 mins for somethng for DD late i got told 'no'.
there is no point in even asking. i feel terrible now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 17:51

DH can give her a lift to the bus stop, but cant take her in by car (school is a good 8 miles away)

i feel marginally better now as she has just phoned her friend who has also said she is going in on the bus as normal, but the rest of the group she is going to be with are all going in by car with mums....

i feel so bad that i didnt think of this earlier and book time off.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 05/07/2010 18:00

I don't drive but at 13 DH would have taken our DD's to school for a resdential trip. Not to wave her off but because they would have a case with them and it's hard around here to get on a bus with a case at that time of morning.
In fact hedropped DD3 18 off at college with her big rucksack foe Dof E recently although she did ask heim a couple of weeks before.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 18:02

thats the thing - she has just told me NOW! its too late to do anything. i normally embarrass the hell out of her so i just didnt think she would want me there fussing and kissing and cuddling.

she is only going for 2nights - she will only have a tiny case.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 05/07/2010 18:10

Perhaps she was sudenly getting a bit nervous and thought she didn't want to go by herself, But you've said her friend is going on the bus and she only has a small case so she'll be fine, DD3 had a ruge rucksack for D of E weighed around 30 to 40 pounds, Had to take all her food and other stuff for the two days.

MrsHarkness · 05/07/2010 18:34

I'm sorry but she is only 13 and she is going away for a few days so even without her saying anything I would have made arrangements to see her off myself, but everyones different I suppose

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 18:42

i just didnt give it a thought. i just thought that i would see her off on the bus as normal. i really dont know what to do now. i know they wont let me take time off if i ask. and now ill be tortured by the thought that everyone elses mum will be there and i wont. the letter from school didnt mention taking them ourselves. it will be totally pointless in me asking for time off.

dont know what to do now.

OP posts:
PeedOffWithNits · 05/07/2010 18:45

I think you need to check with the school bacuse we HAD to drop ours off as the school bus would not take luggage - imagine how late they would run if the driver had to keep getting out & opening the boot at every stop and loading the cases in - but aside from that, it is not what they are contracted by the council to do (Different if this is a normal bus route, not a dedicated school contract bus)

the letter we had with all the itinerary for their trip clearly stated that parents had to provide or arrange transport to school that day

PeedOffWithNits · 05/07/2010 18:46

is there a friends parent who could pick her up and take her?

mumeeee · 05/07/2010 18:46

What time is your DD going and how long do you need off?. If it's only about an hour or two are you sure they won't let you have the time off? Would you be able to say that you could make up the time at the other end of the day?

tyler80 · 05/07/2010 18:46

"she has made me feel SO guilty about it. honestly most times she wont be seen dead with me"

It sounds to me like it's all about getting a lift not about you seeing her off. But she's correctly worked out that she can push your guilt button by saying that everyone else is being waved off.

herbietea · 05/07/2010 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2010 20:57

there has been no communication saying that the buses wont be taking them. they only take a holdall or small case. i went to the meeting last week, nothing was mentioned and i do know some of the other kids are going on the bus.

my work will not allow me to go in late. i asked for 10 mins the other week, they said no - i have to be there to start my work at 8am.

im stuck.

she is going to have to get the bus. there is nothing i can do about it this late in the day.i cant even throw a sickie as i have a new job scheduled to start in sept and i need a squeaky clean reference and sickness record.

aaahhhhh!

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 05/07/2010 21:15

I can't see that it's mean at all for her to take the bus as normal. Presumably you'll say goodbye before she leaves, so how's that different to saying goodbye in front of all her friends at school? If you're feeling bad, pop a chocolate bar and a note or something in her bag as a surprise.

13 is plenty old enough to realise that people have to go to work to earn the money for school trips.

pointydog · 05/07/2010 21:30

dd1 (13) went on a 3 day school trip last week, leaving at 2pm. I didn't think twice about it. She was at home in teh morning and then walked to school for 1.30 (except another mum offered her a lift).

We were chatting in the car this evening and dd1 told me how all her friends had a parent hanging about to wave them off. I joked about the 'bad mum' thing but dd1 didn't give a jot. she knew dh and I couldn't have taken time off.

So yanbu, vicar! She's 13 after all.

pointydog · 05/07/2010 21:32

Just read your other posts. STOP FEELING BAD about it! Be calm and kind and buy her a little fun chocolate treat or something for her return.

Ewe · 05/07/2010 21:36

If it's going to make you feel that bad and she is that unhappy about it you'll just need to lie.

Phone work around the time you're due to leave and say you've been up with stomach bug all night and were sick again just as you were leaving the house. Say you need some time to compose yourself and that you will be in but will be a little late... practice looking nauseous and voila!

Ewe · 05/07/2010 21:39

If you're only a little late for work it's unlikely it'll go on any sick records..

PeedOffWithNits · 05/07/2010 21:39

Ewe, yes, because pretending to be ill to get some time off is a great thing to teach DD who will be thinking about the world of work soon isn't it?

and if people ARE ill, they should NOT go back in the minute they stop throwing up!

pointydog · 05/07/2010 21:43

Oh no, I would never set the example to my dc that I could skive off work if I wanted to. I can't stick that attitude.

MadameBelle · 05/07/2010 21:44

Don't feel bad about it. At 13 if she really needed or wanted you to see her off she would have told you in advance.

My 7 year old went off on a 2 night residential school trip in May - I did take him to school (as usual) then found that quite a lot of parents were coming back at 10am to wave the coach off. I had to go to work. I explained to ds that I couldn't because I had to go to work but that didn't mean I was going to miss him any less than the other parents. He was fine about it.

Why exactly does your dd want you to take her to school?