To tell my mum that while I am on holiday abroad with her two dgc I am planning on being pissed most of the time, high on coke the rest of the time.....

[ShinyAndNew]

And the children will be left to wander around the pool alone and will sleep on the balcony?

It's a reaction to this conversation....

Mum - "Make sure you look after those girls while you are away. Never let them out of your sight. Are you listening to me?"
Me - "Well I was intending to look after them. I usually do."
Mum - "People from Africa come over to steal little girls to sell you know?"
Me - "Africa????"
Mum - "Yes Africa"
Me - "Africa?? To Turkey??"
Mum "Yes. Africa. I watched it on the TV"
Me "Turkey is not in Spain you know? It's not even Europe, it's Asia"
Mum - "Dear god, that's even worse. Look at Madeline...."
Me - "That was Portugal. Portugal is in Europe"
Mum - "What if people think dd1 is Madliene. You already look Spanish, so does dd2 and DH looks like he is mixed race at least. dd1 is nothing like you all"
Me - " I would hope they will call the police and we do have a passport that proves she is not Madeleine."
Mum - "Don't let them go to the toilet alone. Make sure you watch them on the balcony. In fact don't let them on the balcony at all. Make sure they have lots of suncream...... (this bit carried on a while. I will spare you all the details)"

She then turns to dd1

Mum "Dd1 you must stay near your mum and put our suncream on when she tells you. Don't wander off anywhere. Don't talk to anyone. DD1 ARE YOU LISTENING THIS IS IMPORTANT"
dd1 - "lalalalalala"
Mum - "Dd1 listen to me. DON't talk to anyone. Foriegn men are bad men"

I interjected at this point and had a go at her over giving my children racists ideas.

She is now doing whether spells apparently to encourage the Volcano to erupt again

LOLOLOL

Are you Kerry Katona or my sister?

That is my mum. Do they mass produce them somewhere?

Turkey is the most wonderful, family-friendly place

Yanbu, thanks for cheering me up!!

My mum too! I swear she thinks I am looking for ways to make the boys vulnerable. Even managed to make the fact that he won a race on sports day down to the fact that she sends Haliborange for him (he dosen't take them lol, I cook lovely balanced meals!)

maybe while your snorting coke your mum could have some valium

PMSL at conversation but I'm sure you'll have a lovely holiday.

And the volcano ain't a bad thing my week in spain became 2 in easter hols!!!!

She has been talking to people at work about this. She is meant to be their manager! {grin]

hahahaha

Just sounds like my mum and MIL. Although maybe not as bad. I just smile and say OK. Although I would be tempted too.

I always feel as though it's not going to be 'safe' before I go abroad It's the fear of the unknown. But as soon as we get there and see that it's just like here (but more friendly) I realise I was being an idiot.

Love Turkey as well, hope you have a fantastic time (until you find your mum has smuggled herself into your suitcase to make sure you're being careful)

Brilliant, total opposite to my parents, they came over when DD was in the middle of her ski week, I took them to the resort to watch her [proud emoticon]. My dad asked whether the back brace, gloves and helmet were essential. I said not essential, certainly recommended and she wouldn't be allowed without the helmet. He carried on about the fucking back brace till I left him at the train station.

Ha Ha.

That is so my Mum.

Gotta love em but.

Cos of course we have no plans of our own of looking after DCs.

shiny what are you doing with my mum? you can keep her btw.

but seriously that is exactly what my mum is like. "hello mum, i have been raising these children singlehandedly for all of their lives and so far they haven't been kidnapped, fallen off a balcony or gotten sunburnt."

I think your mum's right, can never be too careful out there. Bloody foreigners.

Tell her you're putting them on ebay before you go to save on flights. Works wonders!

Turkey is a wonderful family friendly place-you couldnt be safer.
Have fun.

maybe you could all be microchipped?

FYI OP, Turkey straddles 2 continents. The northern tip is in Europe and the rest is in Asia.

Your mum does sound bonkers though

Sounds like my mum. I won a buggy on eBay at a bargain price. She was convinced that the whole thing was a scam set up by child kidnappers to steal my DS .

like an intelligent one? You put her in it and its inbuilt sat nav does up the straps and drives off at 80mph??

My mum is like this too.

'Oh I do worry when you go out with your 3 dc's'

Me - Why?

Mum - 'Well you know - anyone could take them.'

She had an absolute fit when she realised I leave them in the car when I pay for fuel.

You could also add that heroin is cheap there (or so you understand) so you'll be using the kids as mules to make a few bob when you get home.

My mum is exactly like this.

He is 3y6m, the other week he went upstairs and she started panicking saying I was being completely irresponsible, that she knew loads of kids who had fallen down stairs etc and he was far too young and she knew no-one else who would allow such a thing!

Oh and when it's hot I shouldnt send him to nursery - they might not watch him in the heat properly (we live in Scotland) and when it's icy I shouldnt send him either, he might fall.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

It's not helping that we are going to Marmaris. The last time we were there was in 2006 when all those bombs went off.

We heard about it 2nd hand the next morning. No one who knew anything was talking because they didn't want to scare the tourists. There was a news black out, no bars had news channels on.

I decided I should phone my mum and let her know we were okay, in case it had been on the news in the UK. She was at work and no one was answering the office phone, so I rang my Dad, as I knew she phoned him every morning.

The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: Dad there are people saying there have been some explosions here. But we are okay, we didn't know anything about it, but there are no news channels on anywhere so I don't know if it has been on the news there. If my mum rings panicking tell her we are okay.

Dad: What are people saying?

Me: Some people are saying that some hotels have been blown up, but we have just walked through Marmaris and we didn't see any damage. We are on a bus trip atm.

Dad - Okay. I'll tell your mum when she rings

Me - Oh something must have happened. The bus has just been stopped by armed police and they have sniffer dogs going under the bus. I think the Army is there too.

My Dad got straight on the phone to my Mum

Dad - Do you know that place where Shiny is staying? Well there have been loads of Hotels blown up. It's on the news. There are armed police with guns everywhere and the army is there too.

Mum - wibble

Dad - Oh but Shiny has just rang. She is okay. Their hotel was not blown up.

The following phone call I got from my mum went like this

Mum - wibbble, wibble, mutter, mutter GO TO THE AIRPORT. Wibble wibble. NOW. I HAVE A CREDIT CARD. Phone me when you get there. Don't get on any buses. Wibble.

Of course, no hotels were blown up. I think it was a mini bus wasn't it? And a street bin.

lol at your Mum!
Mine would be exaclty the same - I ahve 2 DCs, and for about 6mo after each was born I'd answer the phone to her
"Hi Mum"
(panicked) "ARE YOU ALL ALL RIGHT?"
"err..hello, who is this? Yes, another 24 hours have gone by without us dropping/stabbing/eating the baby!"