To tell my mum that while I am on holiday abroad with her two dgc I am planning on being pissed most of the time, high on coke the rest of the time.....

[ShinyAndNew]

And the children will be left to wander around the pool alone and will sleep on the balcony?

It's a reaction to this conversation....

Mum - "Make sure you look after those girls while you are away. Never let them out of your sight. Are you listening to me?"
Me - "Well I was intending to look after them. I usually do."
Mum - "People from Africa come over to steal little girls to sell you know?"
Me - "Africa????"
Mum - "Yes Africa"
Me - "Africa?? To Turkey??"
Mum "Yes. Africa. I watched it on the TV"
Me "Turkey is not in Spain you know? It's not even Europe, it's Asia"
Mum - "Dear god, that's even worse. Look at Madeline...."
Me - "That was Portugal. Portugal is in Europe"
Mum - "What if people think dd1 is Madliene. You already look Spanish, so does dd2 and DH looks like he is mixed race at least. dd1 is nothing like you all"
Me - " I would hope they will call the police and we do have a passport that proves she is not Madeleine."
Mum - "Don't let them go to the toilet alone. Make sure you watch them on the balcony. In fact don't let them on the balcony at all. Make sure they have lots of suncream...... (this bit carried on a while. I will spare you all the details)"

She then turns to dd1

Mum "Dd1 you must stay near your mum and put our suncream on when she tells you. Don't wander off anywhere. Don't talk to anyone. DD1 ARE YOU LISTENING THIS IS IMPORTANT"
dd1 - "lalalalalala"
Mum - "Dd1 listen to me. DON't talk to anyone. Foriegn men are bad men"

I interjected at this point and had a go at her over giving my children racists ideas.

She is now doing whether spells apparently to encourage the Volcano to erupt again

Hate to be the plaster in the swimming pool ladies but do be warned..... in just a few short years all of us who are mothers will develop the self-same irrational fear mechanism that is driving these unfortunate grannies to protect us from imagined dangers. It's only a matter of time before we're as nutty as they are....

I thought turkey was in asia minor?

It's both I think. But most of it is in Asia.

Oh I thought it was half and half - cheers - op tell your mum she needs to check up on her georgraphy and stop bothering you

My mother swore blind she had not slept a wink for 3 weeks when we did our last trip with Ds. Overprotective is an understatement. Wouldn't mind but we were left to run wild when we were kids, and she never batted an eyelid, why so different now?.

That's the part I don't get, I thought the older generation would be more relaxed! My friend (b. 1960) keeps going on about how at 6yo he was turfed out the door at 8am with a packed lunch and told to be back for tea at 6.

And to tell the truth, I know of a few modern children who are treated close to the same .

Are there elements of racism in OP's story? Sorry to bring up such an ugly topic, just that... don't the Turkish children mostly still run freerange like we did in our 1970s youths? Why don't "African" people steal lots of Turkish kids therefore?

Oh we could be sisters. My mother is like this. I am 40 this year and now it irritates me.
In fact, it amazes me that I've raised 2 children to the ages of 12 and 10 because she obviously think I'm incapable

I always thought my Mum was a bit OTT but she's not said a word about us going on holiday...and we're going to Praia da Luz!

Well that's the thing. I have no idea how we managed to survive family holidays. My parents were afraid of flying, so when we first went away abroad (to Spain) my sisters and I were 10, 12 and 14. On that holiday my sister got burnt so badly she blistered. This was while my mum and dad were on a day trip to Africa (yes, really ) and we were left in the care of our Gran and Grandad. My sister (10) fell asleep on a sun lounger and no one woke her.

On the same holiday I distinctly remember covering myself in baby oil and baking myself in the sun . When I reminded my mum of this her reply was "Well at 14 I would expect you to know what you are doing" . I'm 28 now and I wouldn't do it now.

The next time we went away (Spain again) I was 17, they left me alone in an amusement park and went to get a taxi back to the hotel . I had told them I was going to the phone box, but they weren't listening and thought I had already left with my Nan.

I would just say 'yes mum, yes mum' and change the subject when able-no point in using reason.

Ha ha, reminds me of when I was going to Turkey with my sister. My mum is a worrier (understatement) and my sister was telling her where we were going.
Sis: We're going to Turkey
Mum: Oh that's nice, not too far away.
Sis: eh?
Mum; Safe too.
Sis: Yes, the earthquakes were nowhere near where we're going.
Mum: Earthquakes? I didn't know they had earthquakes in England.
Sis: England? No mum, we're going to Turkey
Mum: I know, but Torquay is in England isn't it?

I had the same conversation with my Mum when we went to Turkey.

"Don't you let go of that little girl's hand for ONE MINUTE".

Everyone was so lovely with her there. Really, they couldn't have been nicer.

LMAO off i love this thread

ludog, that's so funny.

I remember a sharp intake of breath from my mum when I told her we were going to Turkey when I was 6mo pg a few years ago. It's just their generation I suppose - they have an idea in their heads of what places are like based on, well, thin air. If I'd ever heeded any of my mother's advice, I wouldn't have left the house for the past 20 years.

this is SO my mother. Just been for 2 weeks camping in devon, my sister joined us for the first week, and my mum came for the second week. Three days before mum was due to arrive, we both went into overdrive on the suncream/sunhat/pool safety front, knowing full well that any hint of sunburn would be tutted at and marked down in her little book of parental neglect to be brought back up months later as ammunition in subsequent arguments discussions

Definitely ringing a bell on the maternal assumption of imminent death at the hands of all comers.

I took the girls to the Edinburgh Fringe and it was interpreted as thinly veiled trawling for abductors.

We went to France en masse and my mother sent us four texts, to emphasise to us which side of the road to drive on, all disguised as "Silly us, it's so tricky remembering which way to go round the roundabouts" - education by way of self-deprecation.

My Dad's as bad though - when DD1 was tiny, she ran within 100 yards of a paddling pool and he roared "STOP HER" with utter thyroidal angst - reminded me of Zulu.

Shiny better not tell your mum that when we went to Turkey as children we were approached by A Very Strange Man who asked my mum how many camels she wanted for each of us!

(My bro and I did, TBH, look a lot like Children of the Corn, which was fairly startling in Turkey... in fact, we couldn't have stood out more if we had had bright sirens ringing on top of our heads, but still.... happy days, ay?)

Oh shiny, you have just made me nearly wet myself with your 18.44 post.

Stealth you have reminded me of a family gathering at the ILs - MIL (who has raised three strapping children to adulthood) was holding her new granddaughter and enjoying a lovely cuddle while chatting to us. MIL's mum (bossy nonagenarian) suddenly bursts out 'mind the baby's head, now, make sure she's supported.' I could hear MIL's teeth grit from the other side of the room.

lol - a MIL being MILed