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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FFS SOME PEOPLE DRIVE ME MAD!!!!!!!!!!

43 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:09

Have been talking to a friend on the phone who is telling me that my family are under threat of being seperated by CAMHS because DS1 has behavioural issues.

she is fucking driving me nuts.

camhs and his school want to investigate Aspergers and she is telling me it is a load of rubbish and he is just attention seeking, feeling left out because of DS2, looking for a father figure, etc etc etc

she will not listen to anything and is basically telling me that me asking CAMHS, the school and YIT for help is going to be bad for my family....

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:10

It was suggested MANY years ago on here that DS1 may have/be Aspergers and I went to the DR's I was turned away and told it was a phase......phases do not last for 8 fucking years!!!

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:12

And she is an authority on Aspergers because...

Doesn't sound like a great friend tbh, if she is not supporting you.

Pisces · 03/07/2010 00:12

I would not want a friend like that. My son has Aspergers and I know what hell you are going through. CAMHS were absolutely brilliant.

Take NO NOTICE of your friend.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:13

Maureen, she is 50+ and thinks because she lives in an upperclass area where there are no troubled children no problems in schools etc that Aspergers and everything else is make believe.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:16

Pisces, so far he has been dx with Oppositional defiance disorder, conduct disorder and now they want to look further into aspergers at a low level....tbh I do not know enough about it to have an opinion. And in my current state of mind cannot make head nor tail of what i read.

OP posts:
Earthymama · 03/07/2010 00:18

Please don't listen to this silly person who knows nothing about the subject she is pontificating about.

Go with your own beliefs and the wise and experienced MNers who will guide you through the process.

And remember that in Wales there is someone sending blessings to you and your family.

MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:20

Oh, just what you need in your hour of need!

Silly moo! Get in the real world love!

Well, I hope you are now getting the support you need and can finally have DS diagnosed. God knows he deserves it.

I have a friend who refuses to believe that her DS may be on the autisic spectrum to some degree and it's heartbreaking to see. The little lad needs some extra help, but she just won't see it. That little boy will spend a lifetime slipping through nets, because unless the parents push it, local council are not going to stump up the fund to help him.

Good for you. You are the only one who knows your boy well enough, to make any decisions on his so called behaviour issues. Sod her!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:21

Am actually sat here in tears.

I have looked for reasons over the years for the way he behaves.
I have had ladies on here say his upbringing is the reason, the things he has seen etc and although they will of course be an adding factor the experts believe there is more to it.

There was a time when I would have ignored the suggestion but now i really just can't.

and this friend reckons DS1 and DS2 could end up being taken away.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:26

FFS! Distance yourself from her. Or at least don't discuss DS's with her.

It is not for anybody, even people on here, to make assumptions about the welfare of your boys!

Mumcentreplus · 03/07/2010 00:30

TLE some people just talk crap and have opinions and you know what they say about those!..as Maureen said keep away from her.. she is upsetting you, unsupportive and talking bollocks

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:31

Don't get me wrong he can be the most loving caring child but in the toss of a coin he can have a melt down and anything can trigger it.

I love the ladies on here who have helped me see things from all sides.

And now I am better equipped to help DS1.

The thing that alerted everyone to the possibility of aspergers is the emotional detachment he has...not so much towards others but when he is expressing himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:34

that should say one of the things that alerted everyone involved. Sorry am so upset

OP posts:
gomummygo · 03/07/2010 00:39

TLE that is aweful, she does not sound like much of a friend tbh.

I wish I could be of some help but have no real experience....other than to say that there are some v. knowledgable and supportive people on here who I'm sure will have some great advice.

Would not continue to listen to your friend though, upsetting you like that is certainly not going to help you cope with your DS.

MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:41

Aw, don't be upset. She's an arse.

Hopefully you'll get the answers you need and you'll be able to put some decent stratagies in place which will help DS to thrive. There is no reason to suggest, that with Aspergers, your little boy, can't become the loving, hansome, gorgeous boy that you deserve.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:46

Educationally he is developed well beyond his years. behaviourally he can(not always) act 2.

sorry for this thread I am so upset by her comments.

OP posts:
maryz · 03/07/2010 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gomummygo · 03/07/2010 00:48

Don't apologize TLE! Sounds like you could use a little support. Do quit listening to her though.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:53

the worst thing is i cannot even talk about it with my mum as she see's no wrong in him even when she has witnessed his changing behaviour.

Maryz, can I ask can DS1 switch as quickly as turning a light on or off? aside from that not being mentioned you have described how DS1 is.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:53

I think it's an age thing. With her, I mean.

I find my mother to be very single minded about things like this. She's in her 60's, but it's the same thing. Things like this were not approached when their children were young, so they just put it down to bad behaviour or the parents.

The fact remains she knows nothing. Please, please try to put her comments to the back of your mind and consider her to be ignorant, bang out of order and frankly not a good friend, if she can't see you need support, not opinions.

DISCLAIMER: Not all over 50's are as ignorant about these things!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:55

She is actually a self centred person...the stories i could tell you!!!!

in her 50's waiting for a tummy tuck because she is having an affair and her husband is such a lovely man.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 03/07/2010 00:57

Distance yourself from her. She's deluded.

Focus on your kids and your life.

maryz · 03/07/2010 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2010 00:59

Why is it our mums can cope or deal with it so much better??/

What am I doing wrong that my mum isn't?

Very...now I am worried SS will take them away.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 03/07/2010 00:59

Well, there you go! You already know she's not worth listening to!

And tummytuck because she's having an affair? How sad that she's got to do that, to get someone interested! Personally, I could just bat my eyelids, but then, I'm ten years younger than her!

maryz · 03/07/2010 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.