FFS SOME PEOPLE DRIVE ME MAD!!!!!!!!!!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Have been talking to a friend on the phone who is telling me that my family are under threat of being seperated by CAMHS because DS1 has behavioural issues.

she is fucking driving me nuts.

camhs and his school want to investigate Aspergers and she is telling me it is a load of rubbish and he is just attention seeking, feeling left out because of DS2, looking for a father figure, etc etc etc

she will not listen to anything and is basically telling me that me asking CAMHS, the school and YIT for help is going to be bad for my family....

I am going to go to bed as well I think...i need to hug my boys...she has gotten me worrying

Maureen yes a tummy tuck to impress a man who is married to a disabled lady. and now he has terminal cancer..

try to get some sleep TLE x

i too am off to bed...i will be back tomorrow morning.

Thanks Ladies

ss will NOT take your dc.

She is not a friend. Don't waste another second of your life on her. Tell her to leave you alone.

Tell her If you're not with me, you're against me... And i only have space in my life for friends.

At her age, she ought to have learnt by now when to stfu.

The Bench is with you, lady! Some people have no idea what life is like with a child who's not typical, and they can be ignorant, but it sounds like she's gone past that into antagonistic. I would just tell her that you're not going to discuss you DS with her and if she persists, end the conversation altogether. Sorry you're having a rough time!

Cheerful you hit the nail on the head she is antagonistic. and of course being "well off" knows so much more than me and all these stupid pointless proffesionals know nothing they are only in it for the money etc etc

Your female friend is clearly bonkers- and tbh you do need to drop her; she is not doing you any good.

CAHMS are there to help people with mental health problems, not take them away. We have had a fair bit of CAHMS involvement over dd, even at a time when it was thought that dh and I might be causing her problems, and there was never any suggestion of her being taken into care. Last winter we had help from a mixed CAHMS and Social Services team and again, it was not about blaming us but about helping us to find solutions which might work for dd. I found them extremely level-headed people.

As for your Mum, in my experience grandparents do not deal well with suggestions of special needs in their granchildren. It raises all sorts of uncomfortable questions of genes maybe inherited from them. And they cannot cope with the idea that something may simply be part of the way their grandchild is. They far prefer to put the blame on some fixable aspect of their daughters' parenting. Argue as little as possible, I'd say, and just nod wisely.

Cory, that is just how mum is.....its always "its a phase" "its just him" "theres nothing wrong" when all around others can see.

Ah, don't I know it!

My Mum's solution to dcs suffering from a painful and crippling joint condition (clearly inherited from her and myself, since we both show minor signs) was that we should move to one of the wettest and coldest places in Europe, because the country in question was closer to her own culture. The subconscious reasoning was clearly:

this whole disability thing is out of my comfort zone

your living in a strange culture is also out of my comfort zone

if you fixed that, then I'd be back in my comfort zone and then everything would be all right again, wouldn't it?

Bless her. [grrr]

good grief with friends like that you don't need enemy's

2shoes, you are so right !!

she sounds horrid.
we have had lots of help with ds1 for behavioural issues.right from the start i told them that we'd had years and years of trying to cope before asking for help and that maybe it wasnt him,maybe it was our parenting!either way we needed help.they were fantastic.weve had all the 'oh they label every child now' or 'hes fine,just a boy'.turns out according to the child phyc that he has behavioural age of a 3-4 year old for some things(hes 9),other behaviors are 5-6 year.its helped how we cope.before it was frustrating that a 9 year old couldnt cope with a bit of rubbish on the floor(just an example)so would go into full on meltdown attacking anyone in his way(his sister got it for the crisp packet)and just basically 'flipping'.dealing with it knowing hes seing it as a younger minded child is much easier.iyswim

all that waffling and i forgot to say goodluck with cahms!dont worry and tell yourr 'friend' to keep her nose out!

Nasty woman BUT am v. glad you are getting help for ds. Hope this time it's the kind of help that actually makes a difference, rather than just confusing you with different diagnoses.

TLE

sometimes you do have to cut yourself off from people. It is sad, they may even be nice but if our children need extra attention you YOU have to chose to surround yourself with people who help and support you. That means kicking out those who can't

And stop kicking yourself about what you feel you can do and what you can't

I don't personally know anyone who has a child with issues who would say 'gosh yes I deal with this well and all the decisions I make work for him/her'
We are all winging it. Some of us do better, some of us don't. Some of us are really good at looking like we are doing better.....

Honestly. Think calmly. Does she help your situtaion or does she add stress. If it is the latter then tell her
I said to a friend once
' I like you enormously and I know in your head you think you are helping but you upset and un nerve me and I need to focus on my child. If you can't support me, and you seem unable to do that, then we need to not be around each other any more'

It worked. She backed off for three months or so then phoned with a totally different attitude.

Tell her to support you or go and e someone elses friend

'Don't get me wrong he can be the most loving caring child but in the toss of a coin he can have a melt down and anything can trigger it.'

That's my ds to a t he hasn't been diagnosed but everyone except CAMHS has said he has ASD among other diagnosed problems, I have often described him as a Jekyll and Hyde character.You really need to distance yourself from ignorant no it alls like this for your own sanity.