To think my Mum is a Nobhead sometimes?

[LadyBigBra]

Yesterday she banged the door down and woke up the baby marched in and demanded I sort out her facebook and join all sorts of bloody farming and country games so I can be her neighbour.

Today she did the same and woke the baby up again and never asked my dd who is off schooli ll if she is ok and made me find some random singer on frigging facebook.

The we got to chatting about my Gran who has recently become forgetful and started doing dangerous things around the house.

I said "Maybe she will have to come and live with you" to which my Mum replied no she can come to you -you have the time!

I have 5 dc one is a baby and one has sn a partner who is always at work and PND which she knows about I never get a break nobody offers to take my dc for tea or for an afternoon at the weekend yet my Mum always has my dsis children with her.

I also have no room for my Gran and she has a spare room -She does work but only part time and my Dad is on a very good wage (think best part of 800.00 a week) and my Mum fritters it on crap.

I love my Gran but I have a feeling I am going to be guilted into taking care of her 24/7 because I don't go to work.

She is always making snide comments about me not working and sitting on my fat arse at home.

I probbaly am being a bit mean about her but for fucks sake she is a pita sometimes.

argh!

you need to stick up for yourself on this issue, you can't take on your gran too.

YANBU. She sounds like a total pain. I think you need to practise saying NO.

I don't think you're being mean at all. I think you're being far too reasonable.

She forgets that she stayed at home until her youngest was 6 and made me and my dsis do most of the housework.

I am so angry right now sick of all this shit.

I must be the laughing stock of the family.

I did say no and do you know what she said that my ds could sleep at her house at nights and just have his meals her so my Gran would have the room here.

I am not making this up and nobody in my family will bat an eyelid because they are used to her.

My dd has aspergers and her manner reminds me of my Mum sometimes I do often think she has Aspergers or similar.

Stressed bump.

Keep saying no. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you into this.

It wouldn't be good for either you or your Gran. If your mum can't/won't look after her then it might be time for her to start considering other options like a care home.

You are definately not being unreasonable - she is the definition of unreasonable. Just keep on saying that there's no way you are exiling one of your children to make room for your grandmother. She's frankly nuts even to suggest it!

yanbu at all!!!!!

I know I'm not she just gets me down.

She rings and dosen't say hello or ask after anyone just starts in on what she wants me to do.

She makes comments the last two times my dd was asleep so in her chair so she said "Always fastened in poor baby".

She comments on my weight all the time.

If we go visit her she sits with her back turned at the computer.

She came with me when I was in labour and stormed out because I was showing her up by making a fuss .

She slated my dd's name to everyone even the hospital staff who looked at her like this and now dosen't call my baby by her name she calls her grumpy.

She sneaked a chocolate button in her mouth when she was 8 weeks old -my Dad did go ballistic at her but still.

She will not babysit which is fine my children my responsibility but it hurts when I see with my dsis children at least twice a week.

She once offered to take two of my dc on holiday with her best friend and her family but in the end they didn't go because she kept telling me I had to buy them NAMED clothes and wanted me to spend 20.00 on a t shirt.
My dc always look smart, clean and tidy they have stuff from Next,George and ebay other places.
Everybody else comments on how lovely they look.
But my dsis has her dc blinged up in named stuff so maybe this is why my Mum looks after them (It sounds mad but could be true)
We all live within 20 mins of each other but they will have BBQ's and drinks on the garden and the first I will hear of it is when I see the pics on FB.

I think she is ashamed of me my two sisters are beautiful and I am frumpy.

I concluded YANBU when I read your opening sentence about your mum wanting you to join the facebook games.

She's your mum, I don't want to slag her off but she sounds like hard work. I would limit contact with her and see her on your own terms. Are your inlaws any better?

She is Very.Hard.Work.

My in-laws are lovely most of the time.

YANBU at all. But remember, you can only get guilted into doing something if you let them guilt you into it. If you stay firm, then what's the worst that can happen? Your family think you're being a cow instead of a doormat - not a bad outcome, IYAM...

(PS, I very much doubt that you are as frumpy as you feel, or that your sisters are that much more beautiful - you've obviously taken on board too many of the messages that your mum is giving you and have forgotten that you are a hard-working, life-giving, loving and caring, fabulous mother!)

YANBU - I know she's your mum but she sounds quite controlling, possibly with narcissistic tendencies. You are doing very well to sound so upbeat about the kind of treatment you are getting from her.

Practise this phrase over and over - Fuck off you silly cow.

OMG you really don't need her in your life. Your PND will improve if you can get some distance from this crap.

Delete them on FB or just delete your whole account. That way all their gatherings aren't being rubbed in your face. If you delete the account you don't have to explain just say you're not using it anymore.

Say no to doing anything for her. After all what does she do for you?

Sounds to me like she really enjoys battering your self esteem.

Christ she sounds a bloody nightmare.

What is it with ADULTS bleating on about facebook farm games, the blothering fools.

Don't answer the phone all the time.

Don't answer the door all the time if you know it is her (if she has a key get it back or buy a bolt).

Tell her (repeat ad infinitum) calmly 'I don't want you to speak to me like that'. Don't get angry or upset - it feeds people like this. Just calmly and quitely say that you don't want to be spoken to like an idiot.

rescrict the time you and your kids spend wuth her as much as possible.

Thankyou all .

You are right she is a nutter I could go into all sorts of crap through the years but we would be here all day.

My Dad is sort of better but he works away and only comes back the odd weekend ( I do wonder if this is the only way he can cope with staying married to her).

It just always seems to be about her or what benefits her and I do think my low self esteem comes from her behaviour.

I only see her when she wants something or if she has to visit last time was my dd's bday when all she did was comment on the fact we had bought her five books (along with other stuff) she seemed to find it funny or maybe she was confused as to why we I didn't buy her something with Henleys wrote across it .

She calls your baby grumpy

For that reason alone YANBU-tell her to go away!

I suppose you can´t move?

Does she just let herself in uninvited?

I only realised today that she rarely uses her name (except on cards I suppose).

She dosen't let herself in but bangs very loudly.

I am looking for a new bigger house but am now worrying that may give them a great excuse to give me Grandma .

You don't have to take grandma. She's your mother's mother. She's not for you to deal with. It wouldn't be fair on your kids... anyway excuses aren't necessary - it's just a big fat NO. Just keep saying it.

I know I feel awful talking about her as though she were a pest.

I can imagine my Mum being nasty if she did take her though or constantly ringing me to go up.

.

I would put your foot down your mum sounds like a immature spoilt brat, she is certainly behaving like one so treat her like you would one of the dc having a temper tantrum because that is what they are. (my nan and MIL are like this it works a treat ) She will soon start behaving.

YANBU. I want to punch her.

Sorry, I must not go around threatening to punch MNer's mums.

I too have a toxic mum. But she has got so much better over the years since my dh taught me how to deal with her - how to back her off, say no, ignore, keep her at arm's length, while still being pleasant (most of the time) and seeing and speaking to her a pefectly reasonable amount.
It is very very hard and very very draining and terribly upsetting because bottom line is she's your only mother...and she's shite.
I feel your pain.
I am by all means not 'there' yet. She also has an obsession with facebook btw!!! It drives me mad and she posts pix of the dc when I've politely said I don't like to do that.
I could go on FOREVER. All I'd say is you have to find a coping mechanism and work out how to manage her or you will have a breakdown over this, hon.
xx