To be f*cking p*ssed off and angry when schools refuse to deal with bullying

[AgentZigzag]

I'm sick of hearing about children who have to put up with this shit.

Why the fuck is it still going on??

Oh no hoopy - she didn;t go to Cheltenham ladies. She went to a state grammar.

I love this idea that children who had physical discipline are all bullies. My parents used to thrash teh life out of me if I put a toe out of line. Sometimes I didn't even know what I'd done to deserve the thrashing. As a result I was too timid/cowed/beaten down to stand up for myself against bullies. Being from a religious family got me lots of negative attention at school as well. I'd get called all sorts of names, and on the rare occasions I stood up for myself was told 'you can't do that, you're the vicar's daughter'

I think bullies can come from any background, and bully for differing reasons - I know one little boy who is only child of an older mother (actually born through surrogacy). Mother believes he's a little genius blah blah. When she was told he was bullying children in nursery? 'It's because he's so much more intelligent than they are, so they frustrate him' Can tell you this boy is very definitely not super intelligent (as DP says 'I've never met an intelligent bully'
Some kids use violent behaviour at school because they are seeing/experiencing it at school. I do believe that in refusing to deal with bullying, schools are doing these children a huge disservice as well.

I was smacked as a child by my brilliant and very loving parents, as was my younger sistyer. I was never a bully and certainly never saw it as abuse. I think there is a lot of generalising going on here, how bizarre some attitudes are.

BTW: We're not religious.

I do so wish we could name and shame the schools who do fuck all to stamp out the bullying. Maybe the threat of naming on the WWW might make them buck up their ideas - I think if my child was being bullied it would be something I would end up doing - I just couldn't help myself.

My DD was bullied in school and out. I had to home educate her. I took the bully to court and she had to apologise to my DD pay her £150 compensation and wear a tag for 6 months so she could not break a curfew.

When bullying is completely out of control and DCs are being assaulted, their life and well being is suffering, report it to the police. The schools suddenly become interested when you do this.

Good for you Lynli. I really do hope your daughter is OK.

I'd love to name and shame. I applied to move him to a private school at the end of the year, they asked the state school for a reference but he didn't get in (he aced the entrance exam though so I believe that he was given a dire reference to keep him there, he's good for the SATS apparantly ), I was told to leave him where he was so they could get to know him He's been given a place in their secondary school in September though, the school he's at now must have given him a better reference.

Thing is about outing the schools where parents have had bad experiences trying to force them into doing something, is that there's no hard and fast proof.

The school would have no comeback or be able to put their side of the story, a legal nightmare probably.

That's why it's so important to keep banging yourself when you have to complain, I'm sure I was a right nuisance to DD1s old school, well...at least I hope I was.

I'm sure they saw me like you see some parents described on here, as an unreasonable pushy parent (which I would dispute )but I was so angry I couldn't have cared less.

That is a satisfying success story Lynli, crap it came to that, but good for you and your DD

Thinking about Lynlis DD, that is one thing that stays with you as an adult when the bullies are never forced to see the pain they cause other people. Stupid as it sounds, but when you're a child you imagine turning on them and hurting them like they hurt you just so they know. I wish I had.

At least your DD has had some sort of justice, and knows the bully hasn't just been left to think everything was OK.

I went to a crappy comprehensive in Gloucester and was very, very happy.

Outside of school I did dance and drama classes. I used to dread going to the Chelt Festival because of the girls from a 'posh state grammar beggining with P' School in Cheltenham - they were bloody awful and I can still remember the things they used to say when they saw me in my school uniform.

I was actually heckled once, I won a simple prose piece and when I went up to collect my medal these girls started booing and calling me names. The examiner looked nonplussed and all the teacher with them said was "We don't agree with the sympathy vote" - as if I'd won simply because I didn't go to P*

I never wore my uniform again - but there were always girls there that remembered me.
In the end I stopped going.

Good for you Lynli - but what you must have gone through?

The difficulty is that there is a lot of behaviour that isn't recognised as bullying but just children being children. Especially girls. I can't count how many teacher friends I have heard saying girls are the worst - and yet their own children are never bullies.

All children have the ability to be a bully - the comment above about 'never meeting an intelligent bully' is complete tosh. My own daughter was involved in behaviour at primary school Y5 that I recognised as being potentially bullying. She didn't see it that way, as she thought she was the one who was being targeted. I told the school and was ignored and in the end, gave my daughter strict instructions to break away from the group, even if that meant being alone in the playground for a while. To her everlasting credit, she did just that. Not an easy thing for a ten year old to do. I am really proud of her.

The situation with the group that remained deteriorated to such an extent that parents went in, one after the other - all claiming their daughters were victims.

Whilst the schools definitely have their role to play - absolutely - maybe a more honest approach by parents in general might also help.

There is a young woman in Aberdeenshire who successfully got Legal Aid to sue the council over teh bullying she endured, which included physical assault with injury.

She also visited the headteacher wired and with a hidden camera and passed it to the BBC.

It was only then her council actually did something about it.

Poor child. I don't think any child should have to go to sauch lengths to be listened to and helped.

such doh!

LtEve - that's bloody awful. The bloody cows. And the teacher standing up for them!

DD's friends have been heckled by Gloucester High School for Girls students whilst on the bus, who laugh at their chav school jumper (from her 'crappy' school). Thankfully dd's friends are not backwards in coming forwards and were quite scathing in return.

LtEve - some of your comments were linked to on a thread I started yesterday re life on teh forces (my dd wants to join teh RAF when she is older, and I was asking if people would recommend it as a career). Glad you had a good experience of a 'crappy' Gloucester school, the situation for schools in Gloucester (and to a lesser extent Cheltenahm) is dire, you either have grammars with fantastic results, or bog standard comps which are considered awful. really polarises kids (and thier parents) - leading to the shitty situation you had to deal with.

Oh that paragraph made no sense . i actually meant to say LtEve thanks for your positive comments re forces life (from the mum going back in the navy thread)

Hijack over - sorry everyone.

And that shows how bad the situation can be doesn't it expat, that they had to go to those lengths for the school to take it seriously. Ridiculous.

During Y3 Tiny Clanger was bullied a bit by two boys in her class, and the teacher was one of those ghastly old-fashioned sorts who came out with gems like "boys will be boys" and "no-one likes a tell-tale". This came out after she had tried to get the old bag's help when one of the boys (twins, spoilt, children of playground alpha-mum who was also a bully, I suspect) chucked paint on her picture she had been really pleased with.

Thankfully, the nasty old biddy left not long after, and most of the other teachers at that primary were much more clued-up. I remember circle time being discussed, and the playground was policed a bit more vigilantly by the better teachers.

The boys and their family moved away, so I have no idea what happened to them.

GetOrfMoiLand - is that Pate Grammar? I only ask because we were rather interested in checking it out for DS2 when he is old enough. I'd really like some feedback if possible if it was. Thanks!