AIBU to tell my children that....

[thesunshinesbrightly]

If they get pregnant before they are 30 they go to hell?

OP - I can get that you want your DC to be stable, have had their fun/enjoyed life etc before having a child. But 30? Yab a bit U.
I had ds at 26 - I'd been to uni, partied done some travelling, started a career and settled down with his dad by that time. Statistically by 30 you are more likely to have trouble conceiving and from 35 the risks of birth defects starts dramatically increasing.
So maybe the limit should be 25?

TSC - I think that is such an individual thing though. People mature, settle etc at different times. I'm pg with my second, yet some of my uni friends tbh I can't imagine settling EVER let alone by 30. Other uni friends were with boyfriends throughout uni that are now their husbands. And own houses and the lot already.

I will not be advising my two on an age to have children but I will be strongly advising that they make careful choices about who they decide to have children with.

Totally agree with MumInBeds. Can understand where you are coming from Sunshine but in my case I really regret not having my kids when I was younger (dd born when I was 36 and ds when I was 38). Whatever they decide, I just hope that feel they have got the age right and don't have any regrets either way.

YABU. I had my first child at 30 she is now 23 and been married a year,she says they don't won't to start a family for a few years so she actualy might not get pregnant until she's 30. But DH and I will be happy whatever happens,

My MiL told me and DH to wait until we were 30 to get married because there was 'no need until you want children and you certainly don't want children before then!'

it put a huge amount of pressure on us and made us feel very guilty for getting engaged/married at 21/22. She then continued to press us not to have children, but again we did anyway. Her opinion has not changed our actions, but it has strained our relationship and made us feel bad.

Personally I won't set age limits on my kids. I hope I'll have a good enough relationship with them that they'll seek my advice and I'll be able to chat to them about it without setting hard and fast rules. Every child and evry situation is different.

P.s we are now pg with second child in a lovely 4 bed house in a nice area. I'm a sahm and DH is enjoying the work he does immensely. I don't think our lifestyle has suffered in the slightest.

Oh come on peeeeople i have not set a age limit for my children and will only support and advise them.

Just thought the devil was a good way to go

I will and have let my grown up children make their own decisions ...so yabu

I've just had my first baby and turned 30 within 3 months of his arrival. I don't feel old and enjoyed my twenties being selfish, working hard, getting married, renovating a beautiful house and having relaxing holidays. I'm now looking forward to the next stage of my life and being family oriented rather than all about me. I don't think you are being unreasonable for you to want this for your children. x

AdamsMammy - Congrates and enjoy the baby stage it does not last long and thank you, i don't think it is unreasonable wanting the best for my children.

But it's not always best is what I think a lot of people are trying to point out. I know several people who waited until their 30s to start trying and it's taken them much longer than they imagined as fertility is reduced the older you are. Not everyone, but you don't know until you start trying.

I also doubt if your kids will save up and buy a house if they haven't got kids. Most 20 somethings I know without kids spend their money as soon as they earn it and don't see a need to save. As long as they aren't in debt it's not a problem. Having kids certainly made a difference to how we felt about financial security.

To be fair though a lot of it is down to the individual - one friend of mine from a high-achieving academic school never had any intention of going to Uni, she wanted to leave school, get married and have DC. She wasn't stupid - she just knew that's what she wanted to do. She did do a secretarial course after school but got married and had 3 DC (I can't remember exactly how old but before she was 25) - and good job she did too, because this man who she had loved for years sadly got Non-Hodgkins lymphoma and died when we were about 32. If she had waited until she was 30 she wouldn't have had her life and 3 DC with him.

OF course that is a special case - but I think, while it is important to represent the benefits of the opportunities available to your DC, it is also important to listen to what they actually want to do and support them either way (so long as it's harmless and legal).

Seems like a fairly silly thing to say. But perhaps that's how it's intended, in which case that's fine. My mother was a totally no sex before marriage person, and it wasn't a helpful way to bring up children IMO, and of course we all went our different ways in any case. We were all sensible children (and lucky too I suspect) but should we have had an accidental conception as teenagers there is no way any of us would have been able to tell her. Which really isn't ideal.I think it is more helpful to have conversations about all the cool things that your children might want to do before they have children, university, travel, fun so that they only decide to have children when they want to. Generally better to have children before you hit 30 though - I certainly had far fewer problems conceiving than my sisters (at 28 and 29) and enough years of fun to last for a while, and the prospect of lots more in a few years time when my children go off to university.

You are definitely going to Hell because the Lord hates a hypocrite.

What about the most famous teen pregnancy in the world? Will Mary save you a seat?

My mother threatened to go nuts on me if I made her a grandmother before she was ready. Then announced right in the middle of my wedding day that she'd decided she was ready and I could make her a Gran now.

She knows we've been struggling with infertility for 3 years. It wasn't funny and it's made sure I've put a very large emotional wall up between us to be honest. It wasn't any of her business to say anything at all and I really resent that she thought it was her right to call the shots on this issue - as long as I wasn't coming home aged 14 upduffed - none of her business.

Wouldn't 'Don't bring trouble to my door' suffice?

You don't want to be too old to enjoy your grandchildren either.

Goblinchild- That is where i am most certainly going.

Anything after mid twenties I hope DS aims for, preferably married with a good steady job and a nice home.