AIBU to tell my children that....

[thesunshinesbrightly]

If they get pregnant before they are 30 they go to hell?

thumbwitch, argh the "you did it clause"...

I'm another v old mother (I was two weeks off my 43rd birthday when I had DD) and I am glad that I had/have a career and not too many money worries when I had her. I also had her alone and that is a mixed bag (tbh) although most of the time I love it.

So, having said all that, I still hope my DD doesn't have children before she's 30. I'd love her to be able to have the chance to see if she wants a career/see the world/etc before settling down. If she wants to do it all young though I expect I'll be just as happyy and footing the bill either way

Nice thread OT. I like the bit about the devil texting you.

So, as I had my first at 33 (would have preferred earlier but it didn't happen), am I guaranteed a place in heaven? Can you ask, next time the cloven hooved one gets in touch?

I had my first child at 17, and now that she's a teenager I have said to her, that I will financially support her through university, and then a year travelling after university.

If she chooses that she doesn't want that path, that is no problem, I will support her emotionally, but not financially.

BTW I completed my 'A' levels, went to University, and now have a good career, have my own car/house etc, and dc are at private school. So it's not a disaster if people have children as teenagers, but it's bloody hard work, and takes a lot of strength. My parents gave me neither emotional or financial support, I was the black sheep of the family after getting pregnant.

BUT the advantage is that before I'm 45, my youngest will have left school, and I will be in a financial position and a maturity to enjoy the world, and travel and go out with my dh. Which I am looking forward to, rather than the clubbing that the rare occassions I did that and found it awful.

And if there are GC by the time I'm 50, great I'll be able to look after them and be young enough, but also as they are GC I'll be able to hand them back with great pleasure

Isn't 30 the new age at which they think your fertility is reduced though? And at 35 you start having to have more tests and a higher risk of chromosomal problems? Unless they're really going some, they'd have problems fitting in more than 2 (if that's what they wanted) if they didn't start until after 30.

I always said I wanted to have finished my family by the time I was 30 and in the end I had one child a few weeks before my 28th birthday and the other when I was 31. Before I had them, I'd got a degree, travelled, lived all over the country, got married and bought a house. I was definitely ready before 30.

YABU because I got pregnant at 24 and I dont want to go to hell , I dont really like hot places tbh.

I hope my dc have kids in mid twenties tbh.

ummm. Sorry ?
we should be encoraging our children to have children young. why wait till you're 30? I did. wish I'd met dh when I was younger and had children when I was younger.
Chuck out children at 18. Fed up of my friends telling me that their 22 or 26 year old won't leave home. chuck them out and make them have kids.

Mid to late 20's is the best time to have kids. surely ?

my dad told me (when he, himself must have been about 26) that i wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend untill i was 45...he reminded me of this on my weddign day when i was aged 20! and again he bought it up when i told him that at 22 i'm pregnant he says it cant be happening because i'm not 45 yet.

but it was more of a 'my little girl is always going to stay a little girl' kind of thing. and since my little sister came along (who is now 7 weeks!) hes less bothered by it all, because i'm not his baby girl any more

My goodness, my DP is hoping our DD wont even have a boyfriend til she is 40!
I think 30 is quite high but then again, how are they meant to enjoy their life if they get pregnant before it's even begun....so no YANBU.
Doubt they'll buy it though? I'm hoping my DD will just listen to me and be wise enough to stay away from boys til she's 25!

Aww addicted, that's so sweet.

Sounds to me like every other discussion ever of what makes you go to hell.

'I heard this'
'Well I heard this'
'Well I heard you can get out of it either way if you do this'
'Wait, does that mean I'm going ot Hell?'
'That can't be right because I'm definitely not going ot Hell, no matter what you lot say'

Bit pathetic to say if people dont agree shouldn't read the thread, just face it yabu

Firawla - bit pathetic to pressume isn't it about another person(ie. i couldnt cope) because i want better for my children.

I remember my mum telling me she didnt want to be a granny before she was 50.

She was 48 when DD1 arrived, and sadly she died when DD1 was 2 weeks old. So in hindsight, Im sure she didnt mind the fact she wasnt 50 as at least she got 2 weeks with her first grandchild.

If DD1 has her first at 21 (the age I was when I had DD1) I will be 42 so Im hoping she holds out a little. 45+ will be fine.

Oh I'm glad she got to see her GD, DanJar - wish my mum had seen my DS. But I left it late - although my Mum was 23 when she had me, so under normal circs you'd think she might have still been around but she died when I was 19w pg. Never mind - he was the 6th grandchild over all so she had a few years of being a grandma.

DanJARMouse - That is so sad,i'm sorry.

I will obviously support my children if it happened they are my world.
I suppose i just want them to have house,money,travel ya know the way i wished i had, so if that makes me unreasonable not alot i can do.

My mum was the other way around. She wanted me to have a baby. She wanted to be a Grandma before she was 40 . I was 18 .

She told me there was no need to move away to a big city. I could get pg, my boyfriend could get a job in McDonalds and work his way up to management. Then I could go to uni when the baby started nursery.

I have told dd1 she is not allowed to have a baby until she has finished uni and been in a career for at least two years. So probably about 24/25. Though I'd rather her wait longer.

Awww, but we want to go be with yooouuuu in the afterlife, Mummy

Sorry that you think that corey but you don't know me or my children so you have no idea how untrue that is.

i'm guessing sunshine this is less about age and more about stability? it also sounds as though they are still little and you want them to stay so for longer (my dh says dd can't talk to boys til she's 25- my dad yet wonders that he is a grandpa)

so, whilst telling them they will go to hell if they have them before a certain age is unreasonable, i don't think it's unreasonable to worry for them, and want their lives to be easier than perhaps yours was even if you would not change, or are happy with, the course of your own life.

we all want to use our own experiences to teach and guide our children so that their lives are easier. undoubtedly, children change the dynamics of your life adding stress, even if that is good stress - you still have someone else to thing about whether the chips are up or down, iyswim.

btw - when they decide the time is right for them, whatever age, they may want to get on with it. i have one dc, born when i was 25 and i was told at 29 by a doctor that i was too old to have anymore and am probably infertile, hence we haven't been able to have anymore

broccolitrees - Exactly you are spot on.