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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ban DD from the trip of a lifetime due to her bad behavior?

65 replies

BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 30/06/2010 22:13

DD (13) is due to go to Los Angeles and Las Vegas next month with her grandparents for a family wedding. The rest of us are not going as DC4 will be newborn (or bloody well better be cos I can't cope with these swollen ankles much longer!).

This trip for her is costing us an arm and a leg. The plane ticket was very expensive and I will need to spend at least as much again for her spending money/clothes etc. She will be staying in the the best hotel in Las Vegas and sightseeing in Death Valley etc. She has also just come back from a 5 day European school trip.

Now she is being an absolute COW! She is NOT doing anything serious like getting into trouble with the police, having sex or smoking (so I am wondering I am so bothered about her ) but it is continuous arrogance, disrespect, rudeness, laziness and most importantly, getting into trouble at school. She is on report and has been for the last month, getting detentions and I am getting called up to see the head of year due to her disrupting her classes and being sent out . She has absolutely no respect for the teachers authority. She also makes home life quite unpleasant for us and the DSs as no one can say a word to her about anything. She also lashes out at her brothers. I really don't want a new baby to come into our house with this stress!!

She has been like this since starting secondary school 2 years ago and has been getting worse so it is not something recent and nothing has changed in our lives (except me getting pregnant but she was like this before). At primary school, she was an angel. We have talked to her until we are blue in the face, engaged with the school etc and are now all out of ideas on what to do to change her attitude. She has plenty of attention so I really do not know why she's like this.

After getting another email from her Art teacher (who she seems to enjoy winding up) tonight, I am thinking that banning her from this trip is the only thing to do to make her see we are not going to take this crap from her any longer. AIBU?

OP posts:
manicbmc · 30/05/2011 17:28

There's another one in AIBU as well

WhoAteMySnickers · 30/05/2011 17:29

Yup, this is a year old thread Grin, I wonder if she allowed her to go?

Mandy2003 · 30/05/2011 17:33

Doh! Was reading and thought, "Email from school, today?" so I checked the dates. Then I got all excited thinking there was going to be an update, but no. I hope it worked out all right for them!

bandgeek · 30/05/2011 17:35

I've sat and read the whole thread before noticing the date!!

So I need to know now, did she get to go? Grin

Curiousmama · 30/05/2011 17:43

I think that poster's known for bumping threads Confused

Yukana · 30/05/2011 17:47

I don't know what to suggest to be honest, but I will say this:

The massive majority of children I knew from the primary schools I had been to, when I met them in secondary school I was horrified. They were immature, bratty, caked themselves in make-up, threw themselves at the boys in a way which made me want to puke in my mouth. For those who didn't do one or all of those things, they made school life utter hell. I wasn't able to de-stress or get rid of my daily anger issues after school until I had left.

There may be more to it. There may not be. I think punishing her in some way would be a good idea however, and I'm a softie at heart.

Yukana · 30/05/2011 17:47

And... just noticed the date of the OP. Nevermind. Grin

hairylights · 30/05/2011 17:48

Have you read up on whatmakes teenagers tick and how to minimise conflict? I strongly recommend you do. There's a good book called "parents, teenagers and boundaries".

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/05/2011 17:49

And now I want to know did she go or not?

Pesky people bumping old threads Smile

lljkk · 30/05/2011 19:22
Angry
chicletteeth · 30/05/2011 19:27

I guess the problem is you say you make lots of threats and don't carry them out, so she feels she doesn't have to improve her behaviour because she has nothing to lose.

Don't threaten it unless you mean it!

Will the airline allow you a "credit" so that you don't get the money back but you can use it towards another trip with them? If so, and you want to save yourself some more money on the rest of the trip, then consider cancelling it and let her know!

Unfortunately, she is simply behaving the way she is allowed to behave and whilst it's not acceptable, you can't blame her for not listening if there are never any repercussions

chicletteeth · 30/05/2011 19:28

Right, well ignore my contribution!

My guess is she went on her trip and that not much has changed, but you never know!

theinet · 30/05/2011 21:54

i would send her away - at that age, it could be a life changing experience esp if she's not been to America before. However i would be clear about expecting her to GROW UP, but express love , tell her to make the most of her trip and come back mature or there will be no further privelages.

FabbyChic · 30/05/2011 22:01

I'd stop her from going or she is never going to understand that bad behaviour has consequences. Has she got in with the wrong crowd of friends?

I would seriously refuse to let her go.

FabbyChic · 30/05/2011 22:01

OH ffs. I missed the date.

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