To find motherhood a million times harder than I thought it would be?

[poshsinglemum]

Don't get me wrong- I do love being a mum and dd is the best thing that has ever happened me but I do miss my ''freedom'' and spontenaity.

I love doing things with dd but also miss having adult time. Mabe it's because I'm a single mum. I find it so hard being labelled as a single mum and therefore a benefts scrounger as I have a good university degree. I had a career and i feel like I now have NO status.

If I didn't have her I would be moaning taht I wanted to be a mum tho.

She's two and nothing is right and causes tantrums. Mabe its the age.

I also feel guilty ALL of the time.

Do not feel guilty.

you have done NOTHING to feel guilty for.

Do you work? Each to their own, but I find it vital to my sanity (and therefore my patience and enjoyment of my children!) to work part time. If not, maybe its worth starting to think of ways of rediscovering some of the pre-child "you", work being one way of doing that?

But you will definitely not be alone in your feelings! I certainly relate...adore both of mine more than I ever thought possible to love another human being, but being a mother has had a profound effect on every aspect of my life, and there was no way I realised what I was getting into!

I work but i miss for eg reading a book, going for a swim or even going to the loo without major complicated logistics involved.

YANBU - I found the early bit incredibly hard. And i hope this doesn't sound patronising, because it is well-meant - I absolutely take my hat off to anyone who is doing it without a partner, or without a supportive partner.

YA most def NOT BU. it is bloody hard..and it gets harder. i'm also at the terrible 2s stage ...i feel your pain!

Hi. Just wanted to say you are not alone - but it does get better. I am not a single Mum but I had all the feelings you describe and I still get them occasionally.

My two are now 3 and 5 and I am desperatley trying to get back to work. I find half the time I resent the fact that they make it difficult for me to get back to work - then I feel guilty for feeling like this - and the next moment I can't imagine ever leaving them with anyone else and I have gone off the whole idea of work entirely!

I think the whole motherhood thing it full of contradictions, guilt and worry. Obviously its also a great deal of fun and unbelievable rewarding as well. As they get older and get more independance you will be able to go to the loo on your own and you will get your life back. I find it helps to remeber that they are young for such a relatively short period that you have to make the most of every second as they will be gone before you know it!

YANBU. I get a few minutes of enjoyment with my dc's a day at the most. I'm on my own with 2 toddlers and work 3 days a week. We survive, but I'm not exactly a bundle of laughs these days.

Most of the time consists of chasing, picking up, asking nicely, telling off, time out, nappies, refereeing etc etc etc....

When mine went to school/pre-school full time, I felt that my head was finally above water. Although I would say I enjoyed about 80% of it, the 20% was like a cloud of anxiety and tiredness.

YANB at all U

I'm sorry to say that it doesn't really get better until they start school.

Just wondering, does your DD have a proper bedtime? The reason I ask is that I find anything manageable if I know that from 7pm will be "my" time. I don't feel resentful because I know I will get a definite rest later on iyswim? I really couldn't cope if I had my DDs coming downstairs right left and centre.

I was on my own for a while with dc1 and it was so hard. I felt responsible for every tiny little thing that happened in both our lives and had various emotional episodes (which isn't me usually) so I admire single parents hugely. I was terrible at it in hindsight.
Do you have a friend or relative who could take turns having each others children for a couple of hours each week just to give you a bit of breathing space (and them in return). My friend saved my sanity doing this - and I was married with another dc by then.
Don't worry about feeling guilty- it comes with the territory

yanbu it is unreal

found out things about myself i would rather not have known and wouldn't have believed pre children.

really hope it does get easier

yy - does she go to playgroup or anything? Round here there are some that take them at 2 for around £8 for a half-day session, which is then free when they are 3 (ther might also be help for those on benifits).

Swimming? - leave her in the creche - normally quite cheap

My DS1 was VERY tantrummy - tiredness, hunger (a sugar-low caused DS2 to change completely). Try your best not to take it personally and remain calm - leave the room if you have to.

YANBU. I am a single mum and work full time. I exist only to provide. I'm permanently exhausted and feel unappreciated and uncared for
I feel constant guilt and work damn hard yet nothing is ever enough.

I could have written your post. Yr not alone!

I was a single mum for the first 2 years of my DS life and have nothing but respect for other single mums out there. bEven though im now with partner I cant see myself having aanother child. Im too selfish and I guess I like it like that. I just find it too hard.

YANBU

Spent some time with some friends recently - they spent the weekend reading the papers, having a glass of wine in the sun, looking round the farmers market. I was the red-faced flustered one, rushing round after DD and DS, worrying about whether they'd had a wee and did I put suncream on them.

Don't regret it at all, but do miss bits of my old life sometimes.

Agree about the 7pm thing. My DD (nearly 2) has just taken not sleeping over the last few nights and it has nearly tipped me over the edge! I am single also. Feel guilty quite often too. You are not alone!

YANBU. I really winds me up when friends and relatives without children tell me how exhausted they are. For god's sake, at least you can have lie-ins and proper relaxation time at the weekend!

The guilt is awful but try to accept that there is no such thing as a perfect parent and we'll all make mistakes. Lots of them.

Hang in there...

A glass of wine of an evening helps .

My friend says 'being a mum is the best job in the world' but its bloody hard work!!

I sometimes despair with tiredness, frustration at being a single mum (not my choice), lack of money and basically not being able to 'just' go and do something. BUT when she says 'mummy your my best friend', its so worth it!

Don't feel guilty, you sound like a wonderful mum because you are worrying and feeling guilty!

Take care xxx

I'm on the wine now! On the plus side I have cherished and thoroughly enjoyed buying lots of cute baby stuff, playing with dd and watching delight on her face. I can't wait to get her a wendy house.

If I could have a balance between kiddy and adult time life would be sweey. I take dd swimming and I think that I'd feel guilty if I didn't take dd for a swim but went for one myself.

STOP WITH THE GUILTY. stop it !!!!!

yup - makes you realise what those feminists were banging on about in the 70s. but I wouldn't swap back either.

I feel guilty because as women we are expected to be NATURALS at it and totally selfless yet I am a selfish cow tbh. We are taught taht motherhood is the pinacle of our existence and it is but at the same time I have lost ME and who I am.