to think that my DS isn't ready to be toilet trained?

[MumOfAPickle]

First time I've posted in AIBU and am strangely nervous but could really do with some advice...

Basically Ds's nursery start potty training at the age of 2. I was happy to give it a go and DS is now 2.4 and its still not exactly a success.

To start with it was the usual stuff of not wanting to really sit on the toilet/potty but we're over all that now and he's quite happy to do so, knows all the language, knows he should be doing all his wees and poos on the toilet (he's not keen on the potty but we got him one of those seats for the toilet).

The problem is he doesn't seem to know when he needs to wee before it happens. He never asks to go or just goes himself, I have to take him and put him on randomly until he goes. The result of this is a lot of accidents and stress (I'm also 6 months preggers with no.2).

I have suggested to nursery that perhaps he's not ready but they sort of make me feel like I'm being precious and that he'll get there. But at the same time I get told in a disappointed voice about his 'accidents'.

The upshot is that I end up sticking him in nappies quite a lot and then feeling bad. I'm also worried that its not that nice for him to be constantly wetting himself

I just don't know where to go from here. Am I being difficult? Is it my fault for confusing the issue? Although I have had periods where I've really tried and its still the exact same result.

Would appreciate your words of wisom on this MNers

YANBU. Trying to force potty training stresses kids out and can be counter-productive. I tried my son out a few times a few months apart and he just kept having accidents - showed no signs of being ready. Then one day, out of the blue, he told me he was a big boy and wanted pants. That was when he was almost 2.5 and he basically trained himself in 3 days. What I'm trying to say is, they're ready when they're ready. If you let your son set the pace it'll be a far easier experience for both of you. I think the nursery are being completely out of order here.

pickle, how long has it been since they/you started?
They do sometimes "get it" all of a sudden, so he could surprise you!
I felt very similar to you, and had a bit of pressure from nursery, but it's taken about 3 months from day one(halfhearted!) for DS to start asking. At first i just had to keep putting him on the potty, and thats what they did at nursery. His first few accidents at nursery(had about 3) I felt bad for him, but he didnt care and neither did the nursery

2babyblues: My ds was being toilet trained,m doing faily well he got diarrhoea and had an accident while we were out one evening.

The trauma of this set us up for over a year of stubborn refusal to do poos at all.. There were accidents in his pants, he would hold it in until he could no longer do so. I tried everything.

In the end I spoke to the HV..

starchart.... praise his poos, every one of them, make a big fuss and get him to put a star on the chart. Celebrate the poo.. I know, I know it sounds

Then tell him he will get a star if he sits on the toilet before bed. No poo needed. Again after his bath... and say he'll get 2 stars if he manages to do a poo on the toilet. 2stars means a treat - a toy car £1 ought to do it...

Celebrate the poo, encourage him to do them, however you can. he did suffer some trauma with the forcing, that is the root of it, you have to break all associations between bad things and poos. It will be a long haul, but you can, and must do it.

DS got to the point that all stress stopped him doing it, we had to move to another house (LLFH in previous) and he did one accident, and then that was it. It was all about confidence for him.

If I can help you, encourage you, whatever, CAT me, or littlemisshissyfit at gmail dot com? I know how stressful it is.

I think the whole concept of toilet 'training' is nonsense! They'll do it when they're good and ready. I have 2 boys and they were both 3 ish when they were dry in the day. Stick with the nappies a while longer, relax and have a glass of wine.