To not want my daughter to have boys names?!

[NETTEYJC]

Have been with my partner for several years, he is Muslim, I'm Christian. Before I got pregnant I always said that the baby could have a muslim and if it was a boy it could also have his fathers name as a middle name. However, now that I am pregnant and expecting a girl my partner has said that she should have a muslim name, followed by his name, his fathers name, his grandfathers name and his great grandfathers name ( as is normal in his culture). Therefore, my poor daughter would be called something along the lines of Amira Hussian Abdul Ali Mahmoud ( Not the actual name but you get my point). Am I being completely unreasonable to put my foot down to this? I was thinking something pretty along the lines of Amira Rose then a double barrel surname!

My first name, by pronounciation, sounds masculine but not by spelling. The kids at school didn't give a damn. Primary school was hell for me, secondary not much better until my brother left.

TBH, the fact that he has a pregnant girlfriend of a different religion means to me (and sorry if wrong) that his religion/culture don´t mean that much to him.

To me this seems only about control.

I agree, this isn't about the masculinity of names or the need to follow cultural traditions... your DP has reneged on what you agreed, and that's not on.

I'm in a mixed race/faith/culture relationship and our DD a forename from DH's culture, middle names from my family and then DH's (now mine as well) surname. But we agreed together - I agreed she shouldn't be called Joy (which made him giggle) and he agreed she shouldn't be given his favourite name, which I simply couldn't pronounce!

If your DP is insisting on Amira plus all the ancestors plus Hussein then he's wanting it all his way. Which makes one wonder to what extent your beliefs or feelings are allowed in the relationship at all?

tbh I think I would go with it

Amira Rose and then the other names because it will make him and his family happy; and because no-one actually uses any names apart from the first and maybe sometimes the second.

Completely agree tortoiseonthehalfshell, anyway, i'm sticking to my guns and what was supposed to be the original plan, she can have a muslim first name and double barreled surname - I am making a big enough compromise by agreeing to a muslim first name. I don't see why I should give her my partners grandfathers and great grandfathers name when neither of us ever met them!

YANBU, but he is, especially as he agreed to what you suggested pre-pregnancy. Agree with the others who have said it, am slightly concerned with the control is he wishing to exert over you.

YANBU

It does seem, from your other thread, that he has changed a lot since you became pregnant. I hope the relationship is better now and that he accepts your decision. I think you would regret giving your baby all those names if you were to break up with your partner in the future.

I think this is something you should have discussed with your DP some time before comitting to having kids with him. From what I know, he is wanting to follow his religious tradition, and Id have assumed this would be one of the things you might have discussed before? It doesn't sound like a boys' name to me - I understand the way it works in Muslim tradition.

hairytriangle - as previously stated, it was discussed before I got pregnant - hence the reason for me being so against it now, we always agreed that if we had a girl then she would not be given mens names. I am very suprised that you do not think that names like 'Hussian Abdul Ali and Mahmoud' - sound like boys names! Please do not think that I am being naive and not understanding the muslim tradition as we lived together in Egypt ( a muslim country) for 5 years.

YANBU Amira Rose is lovely

I agree with PrettyCandles post. His attitude does seem to suggest that your dd is going to be more his and his families than yours.

yes Fran, completely agree with that, am putting my foot down now!

my dd is
X, paternal grandmother, maternal grandmother, surname

and not
x, patronym, surname

If she were to get a Russian passport, presumably they would issue it to X, patronym, surname

but she was not born in Russia, so her passport does not show that manner of indicating a child's paternity.

sorry for anyone not in the know about this Russian patronym thing I mean :
X, Romanova , surname for a girl
x, Romanovich, surname for a boy

Roman being the name of her father. neither of us considered it at all on dd's birth certificate

The baby will get his sur name so I don't think yabu at all. amira hussian muslimsurname is a lot of muslim for a child that is half yours.

It's to do with inheritance and traceability in Egyptian society. If you give her Amira Rose , it simply won't be understood or traceable to him and his family.

BUT....

As you know a christian can not inherit from a muslim....

If you are planning to live here, educate then tbh, it'd be better IMHO if you did have Amira Rose it'll be more 'workable' here. It give her the option of using either surname.

My DS has his name, his dad's name, the grand father the ggf etc. However DH regrets this now and fears for negative reactions/racism. He wanted to change DS name, the first name

I'm refusing this, but call him so while his birth certificate has the full Egyptian lineage, he is known as . I'll change it by deed poll eventually. (thinking DH will bugger off anyway in the end)

FWIW, I've seen how these men change when DC come along, if you are not married, then tbh you need to protect your DD, and not ot discount your own name and place in the situation.

If her dad does get his act together and marry you, you can change the birth cert without any hassle at all.

I regret being stupidly naive and doing the 'right' thing by DH, he has certainly not done the right thing by us in the last 5 yrs....

(actually he's not even DH either, we are not married, but 3yrs of living in that place, we had to pretend, so it's force of habit)

LittleMissHissyFit - I know exactly where you are coming from. Egyptian men can be extremely, shall we say .... difficult at times! ( trying to be polite here!), It's my choice not to marry him, he's asked me loads of times but I feel that it wouldn't be in my best interest to do so. Could I possibly email you? would be great to talk to someone else who has had a child with an Egyptian - I do wonder if he is being like this now then how stubborn will be be over other important things.

ahem, difficult.... understatement....

You managed 5 years?? jesus... I only survived 3... I've been back a year, and it's slowly getting better... I was left with agoraphobia.. I'll never, ever set foot back there again, not having gone through what i did at the hands of the people out there, and him....

Sorry to be potential bearer of bad news, but it's not likely to get any easier... I've got this change his name conversation which has been ongoing for 2 years now...

littlemisshissyfit at gmail dot com.... email away!!

Your's is Alexandrian too? aha...

Oh, meant to say that I've really suffered the last few years and it's utterly coloured our relationship, his reverting to type, stamping his authority, demanding whatever while absolutely devoted to not doing anything for anyone except himself... So consider me to be worst case scenario if you will...

Netty apologies, I didn't intend to imply that you didn't understand the muslim tradition, and I can see from reading on that you had already agreed and he's gone back on what you had agreed.

Sorry about that.

Don't know what to say. I guess you will just have to push your wishes forwad as best you can, and try to come to some agreement.

What about the name, is that the name you cited sounds like a typical Muslim name for a girl, ie: female and then the various 'male' family names after in the tradition.

YABU I don't think it matters, Ive a girl friend whose middle name is Ahmed and she is fine with it. My sons both have their father and grandfathers middle names (which wouldve been the same had they been girls)

Its only usually on paper, I dont know many people who are called their full names in person.

NETTEYJC just read through all the posts so understand a little more now. Im an English woman married to Egyptian with 2 children we have lived both in England and Egypt, please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk with xxx