to think my DP's friend is Out Of Her Tree?

[JaneS]

My DP has some friends who I find a bit strange. They are very full-on about everything: everything is political, everything is oppressing them. They are very keen on speaking up for 'oppressed' groups of which they are not members. And they tell me more than I need to know about the wonders of their open marriage and non-heteronormative lifestyle.

Aaanyway. Obviously most of the time I just keep my face still and try not to snigger too openly. Just now I have seen a full-page rant that the lass has shown to us all, which details the horrors of the new Shrek movie. Which is not out yet. Apparently, our friend is being 'heroic' in challenging body fascism where she meets it, using many pseudo-political terms along the way. The basic message is 'it's not good to make fun of fat people', and I agree with this. However, when this is worked out for a whole page of type by someone who herself spends hours at the gym achieving her perfect look, er ... AIBU to think she is NUTS?

Blimey to both chegirl's post about the managers and beasknee's about the mass grave.

How 'cking patronising to tell Black people to shut up because they don't know what they are talking about? And what's with 'assimilated'? Should people 'stick to their own'? How racist is THAT?

I've been to Bosnia (after the war but hosted by the army and the scars were all too visible). Very thought provoking. But didn't come back and pretend that I was either an expert or had any idea about the depth of suffering.

Btw, my mate who was in Kosovo when it all kicked off saw some terrible things, but also fell in love and is now married to that man, so it wasn't all bad. The time the Red Cross had to evacuate and try to get across the border only to finally make it to Belgrade and then realise the team was in the next booth in a restaurant to Arkan the notorious war criminal was a bit hairy, though, apparently...)

I'd love to come up against one of those dim HR types you hear about who think 'brainstorm' is offensive to people with epilepsy. As someone with epilepsy, I'd really enjoy putting them right. Sadly I only ever hear about it secondhand!

Last week I went out with a group of bigots, who moaned about immigration, woman with multiply fathered dc being allowed in housing association houses, the usual, ad nauseam
it was not an unusual conversation out here in the sticks, and although not personally an oppressed minority (unless townee counts) I did feel unable to keep quiet
I like your dp's friends

At school I had a friend, let's call her Molly Patel.

She was asked what her second name was by another student in class, and Molly replied that it was 'Patel,' and the student said 'oh, as in Patel's Toy Shop.'

I was incensed on Molly's behalf at this racist assumption, and I jumped in and said 'how racist, just because Molly's surname is Patel then her dad must own a toy shop or a corner shop I suppose.'

Molly coughed politely and said, 'actually my dad, Mr Patel, does own Patel's Toy Shop, in town. '

I joined the People's Front of Judea shortly afterwards...

Forgot to add and

nemofish you sure you don't mean the Judean People's Front??

On the whole, I would prefer to hang out with very right-on people than those who are very right-wing. They can be very amusing, they usually mean well and are teerribly easy to wind up .

Often their pronouncements come back to bite them in the arse anyway. My SIL was very feminist when younger, and was found of saying things about "brain-dead housewives". Needless to say, she never managed to establish a career for herself and is now a SAHM. Being a SAHM, according to her, is now the most important thing that a woman can do...Oh well, at least she lives very, very far away now.

nemo at your discomfiture!

My best friend and I were once chatted up in a bar by two coppers, who tried to impress us by pulling out their warrant cards and proving they were in CID. Then they started on the racism... seemed not to realise racism might not be the best way to attract my (stunningly good looking) mate, who is obviously of Chinese parentage. I was feeling bolshy so pointed this out and they were all 'Oh, we didn't mean you, but those Black people...'

I had someone tell me that you couldn't use the word 'brainstorm' the other day. I was very chuffed to actually finally meet someone that thought this.

"Apparently we should all self-identify as 'TAP' (temporarily able-bodied) to remind ourselves that we could all become disabled - and we should tell disabled people that we are doing this in solidarity with them."

Thank you for making my day. That's one of the daftest things I've heard in ages.

How the hell you keep a straight face when in the company of such madness is a mystery to me.

I love the TAP thing. I have worked with lots of people with physical disabilities, and I think the reaction from most people would be 'err, why?' and then a feeling of being slightly patronised 'if I say I am TAP then it means I know just how you feel, poor disabled person' and then 'oh, whatever.'

Disabled people are used to all sorts of bizarre fashionable / unfashionable terms being bandied around.

But I too do prefer right on to right wing. But then I sometimes have to explain why I don't buy 'ordinary' coffee and buy fairtrade instead and I'm sure some people think that's just as loopy!

I'm currently studying for a degree in the health/social care field and the amount of 'PC' terms for things is unreal!

However, the more I meet service users - disabled people, homeless people, people with mental health problems etc - the more I realise that it isn't them who have the problem, it's all us while middle-class people who make assumtions.

The 'can't-mention-Christmas-in-case-someone-is-offended' particularly pisses me off... especially because no jewish or muslim person I've ever met is in the least bit bothered about it.

My dad was was rebuked by a women in a pet shop for referring to his cross-breed dog as a "mutt". She told him it was offensive and he told her to get a life.

OP - for the TAP comment, your DPs friend is BU.

TLC steps down off soap box

Does the new Shrek film make fun of fat people then?

'How the hell you keep a straight face when in the company of such madness is a mystery to me.'

Fortunately, this was over the internet! But I have struggled before. When I first met her I assumed she was joking and got a long lecture. I do think the TAP thing is really odd, yes. In fact: is there actually any justification for it? At all?

Buzzing - I would like to know if it does too, not seen it. Neither has my friend! Does anyone know what it's like?

I suppose you could argue that we should all be aware that any of us could become ill at any time or be run over by a truck etc. etc. etc. But I'm not sure that actually means you identify with disabled people or know the first thing about what living with a disability is like! (Which one, anyway? Should we be trying out different disabilities occasionally - imagining what it's like to be blind one day, borrowing a wheelchair the next, staying in bed the next? Has the TAP woman even thought about learning disabilities?

When I've occasionally been unfortunate enough to need crutches, I have felt huge sympathy for anyone who has permanent mobility difficulties, but I don't think that qualifies me to understand the challenges of living with a long term disability!

You said that better than I could, and I agree. I do think it's a fine balance between stigmatizing people, and being a bit fake with attempts to 'identify' with them - I just feel this might have crossed the line. To be honest, I posted on here because I thought she was being ridiculous and I was wanting to see if other people also thought she was laughably OTT, but perhaps I will drop her a line to say people might be upset by her terminology.

how does shrek mock fat people?

When we studied it in my degree (module Children's literature and entertainment) we took the view that it was good and rather ground breaking because Fiona and Shrek are the protagonists and heroes and are not the typical stereotype of pretty / blonde / thin etc

Lewis, there's a new one out, we're not talking about the (fantastic) original. If someone's seen it, I'd love to know what it's like.

oh sorry - am clearly not that well educated to understand the thread

I think it's bed time lol

Littlered, are you going to tell her dozens of MNers think she's barking? Wonder if she's ever actually met a disabled person and asked them if they think TAP is a good idea? Answers on a postcard, please!

I don't have a problem with thinking of oneself as TAP (TAB?), it's good for reminding oneself that able-bodied-ness is a privilege. It's like identifying as cisgender - you know how there's often only a descriptor when the description is not-the-norm, so you never hear "male doctor" or "female childcarer"? So cis is a useful term.

BUT this idea of solidarity is patronising, as is being vocal about everything. It reminds me of Noisy Parenting; it's not so much about making a genuine effort to think and act inclusively, it's more a way to come across Terribly Progressively.

And it's dull and self-congratulatory.

But then, I'm a TAP cisgendered white middle-class heterosexual, so what would I know?

What about this for a serious debate at a meeting I was at:

Apparently we should change the categories from Heterosexual to Heteroromantic (and Homosexual to Homoromantic etc) because it takes the emphasis off the sexual part of a relationship. Apparently this offends Asexuals. (Aromantics, as I reminded them)

My concluding response was: Fuck off.

@ Gay.

I once had to interview a public health specialist in a primary care trust about their exciting new scheme - putting condoms in bird boxes near lay-bys used by lorry drivers. Because apparently male lorry drivers do sometimes shag other male lorry drivers when they are aware from home. This category of people 'in need of health promotion' (a ready supply of condoms) are described as 'men who have sex with men' as they don't identify as gay. The public health guys chose bird boxes in order to be discreet.

I did wonder how the lorry drivers were supposed to know these were condom stashes, not actual bird boxes, and whether there were any families of sparrows moving in and making themselves comfortable!

Guess Littlered's friend might call them 'temporarily homosexual'?

Now I do know there's a LOT of those temporarily homosexual folk about

My friend said she wasnt straight (heaven forfend!) she was bicurious. I am not sure why she described herself as such. Its not like she actually had any girlfriends or even intended to. It seemed more like she was embarressed to discribe herself as straight but couldnt justify calling herself bisexual or gay.

WTF is all that about?

I LOVE the term Noisy Parenting. Thank you whoever thought that up. I have been searching for a discription for years.

Now I can say 'I wandered in to Waitrose the other day and there was an awful lot of noisy parenting going on'

Chegirl, there's long classic threads on here about noisy parenting, definitely worth a read when you want to giggle.

My best friend, whom I've known since we were 16 (now 32 and 33 respectively) describes herself as 'mostly lesbian'. She is married and trying for a baby. In the 17 years I've known her, she has slept with around 40-50 people. One was female. She's never dated a woman.

EDAM what a mental meeting!! Who on earth do you work for!

When I started reading your thread I thought you were going to say for lorry drivers that lure prostitutes into having sex in laybys.