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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

weddings are a pain

44 replies

clarinetplayer · 27/06/2010 07:17

I'm fed up with greedy people thinking it's OK to ask their mates and families for incredibly extravagent gifts. The latest trend is asking for lavish gifts to go away to some poverty stricken country with. Designer luggage for a honeymoon to Nepal and 'three days intensive holistic body massage once we are there,'
More than half these partnerships won't last anyway so just what are we being asked to fork out for? Watching a couple of middle-aged twits tie the knot in some vulgar venue is bad enough. Being asked to buy them presents for doing it is so naff.

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 27/06/2010 07:22

you dont have to give them what they ask for

YANBU btw

seenyertoeslately · 27/06/2010 07:26

Wow, clarinetplayer, is this typical now? I attend 2 or 3 weddings a year and have never been asked to cough up for anything like this.

72 hours of continuous massage sounds dangerous. Give them a cheese board, I should.

msrisotto · 27/06/2010 07:35

You sound bitter. As gingernutlover said, you don't have to buy them what they ask for and who made you the moral judge on what is an acceptable present?

PuppyMonkey · 27/06/2010 07:38

So decline the invitation,don't go and don't buy a prezzie.

I have never been to one wedding where anyone asked for an extravagant gift. Maybe you attract horrible people as friends.

YABU.

lilolilmanchester · 27/06/2010 07:38

I'm all "for" wedding lists so that people don't get 5 toasters and 3 kettles - but out of order if they are asking for really extravagant gifts so YANBU on the greedy bit.

"Watching a couple of middle-aged twits tie the knot in some vulgar venue is bad enough." - I wouldn't go to the wedding if I felt like that, it's a precious day to the couple, so surely they'd rather people who weren't genuinely happy for them didn't attend?

expatinscotland · 27/06/2010 07:48

YANBU.

Decline the invite and send them a card.

yama · 27/06/2010 07:56

I never buy from the Weddding List.

Mind you, most of the weddings I've been to didn't have a Wedding List.

YANBU

KorkiiEffenkrakers · 27/06/2010 09:37

YANBU my wealthy brother is getting married in Oct and asking for cash as a gift. They don't need it and have already lived together for years. Not getting it from me mate!Weddings are really starting to piss me off. I think I am turning into a curmudgeon. Oh also, they are having a 'themed' wedding [boak]

5DollarShake · 27/06/2010 09:53

YANBU - they sound quite awful. Why are they your friends?

compo · 27/06/2010 09:57

Why even consider the invite when it sounds like you despise them?
I've decided to only go to the weddings of people I really care about
too costly a day to sit at the back with a cat bum's mouth

OffOffandAway · 27/06/2010 10:04

Wedding gifts were traditionally to help a young couple set up home, and now people live together, that is often (but not always) redundant. But it is still nice to have a reminder of the day, and for people to have the opportunity to think about what to buy.

There's too much ruthless efficiency around some weddings - I want x as a gift (no wasting my time with mis-matching glasses), you will be here at this time (noticed the 2.30 for 3pm service invites? like I can't be trusted to get there before the bride?), you will leave your children with someone (don't know/care who, as we've also invited your entire family...) as they are too noisy and too slow etc etc.

Is a shame, I think, as instead of people being pleased for a new family unit starting out, people just feel a bit jaded and irritated.

JaneS · 27/06/2010 10:09

YANBU, but from the other side, I bet they had people pestering them for a list. We said we didn't need or want anything and still people say that we 'must' have a list and it must have 'proper' things on it (I think she meant 'costs more than £10). I can't decide if this is kindly or people being more interested in showing off their buying power ...

mistressploppy · 27/06/2010 10:15

Surely you don't have to buy from the list? I think lists are usually a good idea but if they only have expensive things on them......just go "off list".

A friend of mine objects to lists so much that when his mate got married he bought them three toasters!

OffOffandAway · 27/06/2010 10:16

Well, people often don't want to waste their money giving the third toaster. But choosing matching crockery, towels, bedding etc for a list or even asking for vouchers towards eg a new sofa or garden furniture, is different to asking people to pay for luxuries.

It has an air of 'we can afford all of that everyday stuff that you 'little people' might put on your lists or think of buying, but we'd like [insert outrageous luxury]'.

If you are that well-off, ask for donations to a favoured charity.

YunoYurbubson · 27/06/2010 10:21

Yanbu OP, but it is not a popular thing to slag off weddings because almost everyone you know has had one and will be understandably defensive. Of course, their wedding was different...

I privately think that the vast majority of weddings are embarrassing, crass and vile, but of course I never say so out loud and very rarely online.

Good post from OffOff&Away.

YunoYurbubson · 27/06/2010 10:22

Lol @ buying someone 3 toasters .

Rockbird · 27/06/2010 10:24

Oh God, misery misery misery. Don't buy them anything then, or buy them what you think they should have, or don't go. It's supposed to be a happy occasion. If you begrudge them that much then don't go. But stop bloody whinging. When did everyone get so whingey?

RobynLou · 27/06/2010 10:31

we haven't bought gifts for the last few weddings we've been to, we could barely afford to get there, we made them a lovely card with an invite to ours for dinner sometime after they get back from honeymoon. We've had no complaints/not been crossed off any christmas card lists as far as I'm aware.....

Antidote · 27/06/2010 10:33

Get a charity thing for the country they are visiting: 'I brought you this drinking water tap/goat/tap in XXXXX, perhaps you would like to visit it while you are in the area?'

Tidey · 27/06/2010 10:36

I think a lot of people use wedding lists as a way to get mad things they would never buy themselves. If they've already got all the home essentials and don't want to get repeat items, it's no wonder they fill it with ice-cream makers and creme brulee blowtorches really. Bit at asking guests to pay for their massages though.

rookiemater · 27/06/2010 10:53

Well we are just back from a lovely wedding of a work colleague. We had a collection at work from those attending, asked her what she wanted, she preferred cash - note she did not ask, but was given the option and seem genuinely touched and grateful by the amount she received.

Yes asking for expensive gifts is crass, but so is slagging off "friends" that you are allegedly close enough to to be invited to their wedding day by calling them twits and putting odds on their marriage lasting, oh and criticizing their choice of venue.

If you don't like them and you don't want to go, then it's simple, just say no.

LostInTheWoods · 27/06/2010 10:57

I can't see the point in weddings full stop. It just seems to be a hugely expenisive and stressful chance to display and show off.

scrab806ble · 27/06/2010 11:13

Doesn't have to be Lost. Mine cost £500 all in, and only cost that much cos chose to have meal with family afterwards. That was main cost really. Drove self to hotel, GF made cake etc. They are what you choose them to be. Actual licence less than £50 so could be done for that, depends if you want people there, and for you to remember occasion with fondness. Money does not a good wedding guarantee...

LostInTheWoods · 27/06/2010 11:15

That is true Scrab, however the amount of people I know who scrimp and save for years or even get themselves into debt is just daft. What's the blooy point?

carocaro · 27/06/2010 11:21

I agree, my SIL made us all treck to Italy at great expense. Then 18 months later my BIL had the cheek to moan about going to a firends stag dinner in the UK as it ws going to cost too much and he had to get a taxi home!

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