weddings are a pain

[clarinetplayer]

I'm fed up with greedy people thinking it's OK to ask their mates and families for incredibly extravagent gifts. The latest trend is asking for lavish gifts to go away to some poverty stricken country with. Designer luggage for a honeymoon to Nepal and 'three days intensive holistic body massage once we are there,'
More than half these partnerships won't last anyway so just what are we being asked to fork out for? Watching a couple of middle-aged twits tie the knot in some vulgar venue is bad enough. Being asked to buy them presents for doing it is so naff.

I agree with you op and with Offoffandaway weddings used to be nice occassions.

I totally agree with yunoyurbubson and the poster who said weddings used to be a nice occasion.

Nowadays it seems to be OK to:

• ask for cash gifts, even when the couple patently don't need it
• ask husband to all-day Do and wife just to evening Do
• tell a family with three DCs that only two of them are actually invited

These are all things that have been posted about on MN and scenarios that I find deeply unpleasant (although I know a few MNers will say the first one is fine).

at Docbunches list. I must have missed the thread about only two out of three DC being invited - how utterly thoughtless and cruel.

What miserable bitter people some of you are. Makes me feel quite sick that you can be that judgemental and nasty. Wish I hadn't read this.

I didn't want a list but my mum begged me to do one as she had people phoning her up moaning about the fact I didn't have one. And we are not in our forever home so our list was for experience stuff like what's in the OP

at first we said, okay if people want a list we'll do the oxfam one but when some family members got wind of this they were furious that we were apparently trying to dictate which charity they supported

couples just cannot win these days! whatever you do is a faux pas to SOMEONE eh!

I really didn't mind if they bought us something from the list, or something else, or nothing.

and I hope noone attended our wedding who though we were twits!

I totally agree, Docbunches.

I also agree with Docbunches - I am shocked at some of the threads I've read on here (and I remember all three she's mentioned)

I have attended 2 weddings in the last 5yrs.

first - no list, a note in with the invite to say that they had all the toasters/towels/bedding etc but as everyone who was invited knew, they were doing work on the house so B&Q or Argos vouchers or cheques would be accepted but mostly, our attendance was the most important thing. I gave argos vouchers.

second - no list again, and just a your presence is all we ask. I got some lovely keepsakes, and my girls gave a horseshoe and wooden spoon each. The bride was so chuffed as no-one else had thought to do it.

I did have a friend who had a debenhams list, where the cheapest item was.... im not kidding.... £30 for a hand towel!

i don't particularly like it when people ask for cash or contributions to the honeymoon but it seems to be acceptable these days as this has been a common theme on recent weddings we have been invited too.

people do however generally want to buy a gift and so unless you want to end up with a dozen photo frames and assorted wine glasses i do think a gift list is a good idea, but i agree people do go way over board (i have seen a flat screen tv on one...!). we had a gift list but it was all reasonably priced with a few expensive items (round the £100 mark) and we were lucky enough to be given nearly everything on it.

can't believe someone would intentionally exclude 1 DC and invite the siblings that is worse than my invite to the evening do and DH's to the whole thing!

All three weddings we're going to this year have asked for vouchers or cash gifts (if you want to give anything). I would rather buy them something, but if that's what they want..

I think the post (about a year or two ago?) where one DC was not invited was because he/she was a baby, and the couple didn't want any babies at their wedding.

Still not on though, IMO.

Doc - I remember one more recently than that where the uninvited child was not a baby and thought she was going. All 3 kids excited about going, but daughter fell under age limit or something and parents hadn't realised so were faced with either telling her she wasn't going, leaving her with sitter while everyone else in family got ready to go, or no one going.

Yuno - could well have been the very same post thinking about it.

If our family had been in this situation, it would have been a definite No-one going (or perhaps just my DP)!

Must go and watch England game build up......

Weddings are the pinacle of irony.

They are supposed to be a celebration, yet they often bring out the worst in people. Materialsim, vanity, greed, jealousy, family fueds, egotisim, selfishness, controlling behavior...

That and crimes against fashion: Women with orange tans in white (or cream or ivory or whatever you want to call it) bustier dresses [boak]

I ever do it again, I'm eloping!

Now get comfy in yer judgey pants and enjoy this very special link:

wedinator.com/

I assume they are asking for cash gifts to use towards the list and not saying "I want you to buy me a massage" with the minimum gift list item being £100+ (or whatever an expensive gift is these days)?

I am going to say YABU. It's their choice what they do and nothing wrong in asking for a contribution for something they are saving towards.

Or you can do what bride and groom did at a wedding i went to recently, and set up your own website with a paypal link. It had all these 'experiences' on it that they wanted to have on their honeymoon - romantic meal on the beach, or riding an elephant - and clicked on the one you wanted to buy them through the paypal address. But once I'd done it, I realised that we were all basically just giving them cash, that went into their paypal account and they could spend on anything they liked, such as their next grocery shop, or shoes. there was no limit on how many people could click on each 'experience', so they would have ended up having 20 people trying to buy them an elephant ride. Not a problem, really, but a slightly dishonest way of asking for a big pile of money to spend on holiday, no?

I tend to look through the list and buy something quirky if they've put it on (eg a Nintendo DS was on one list! It had already been bought so I got her some games!). But agreed when it's not someone starting out - but also often people do get pestered by relatives et al who don't know what to buy and are happy to have hints.

I never baulk at just ignoring the list if I don't want to buy from it. If they're unhappy - too bad! It's a gift, not a right! They should be grateful for whatever they get!

So I'd just go along, buy whatever gift you want and ignore the list. But I wouldn't get offended by it either.

Im getting married next friday(OMG )and i was in a real quandry over what to say to people. We dont need anything in the house(except decorating things, new house) but i felt extreamly rude and uncouth asking for cash!
In the end i gave up and wrote a little poem, basically outlining we needed nothing for the house but if people wished to gift us money towards decorating the house or honeymoon we would be grateful, however i would just be happy with there presence. I added on the end if they wished to buy us a gift however, a suprise would be lovely.

I've had so many wonderful comments about it, and how nice it was to receive a hand made poem instead of us just saying we want cash!

Our wedding has been done on a budget of £4000, we've saved the money over the last 5 months and most stuffs been handmade(thankfully im a craft person!)

I love weddings, romantic git!