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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arriving Home and Greeting Etiquette

86 replies

Cake · 25/06/2010 23:13

OK, etiquette question about something DH and I argued about this evening (yes, we have nothing better to do)

I think that, whichever of us is the person who has just arrived home from being out is the one who should seek out the other to say hello.

DH says it is the person who is already in the house who should come down to greet to the person arriving. He says it's 'The Rule'.

What say you?

OP posts:
BettyTurnip · 25/06/2010 23:39

@ snigger and others. We are obviously a jumpy bundle of nervous wrecks.

Original poster
Cake · 25/06/2010 23:39

ninah, what are your relationship dilemmas then?

don't know why you feel the need to make two digs about my relationship. once was funny, i was happy to play along, but twice...

The OP was meant to be completely serious lighthearted, me taking the piss out of DH and I. the 'etiquette' was tongue in cheek, and also because there have been a few AIBUs labelled 'etiquette' recently so it was a variation on a theme. So there

Love the suggested ways to greet, btw!

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 25/06/2010 23:39

Cake, do you agree that he drops whatever he is doingto greeg you, or is it only in his imagination?

Because if he does do it, then IMO it's worth cultivating. I love being sought out and greeted by dh when I come in. It makes me feel cherished. Before we had dc we always greeted the arriver - but then we lived in a flat and learnt to listen out for the lift. I miss it now.

Original poster
Cake · 25/06/2010 23:43

PrettyCandles, yes, I do agree that he drops what he's doing to come and greet me. but only if he's in the study on the computer if I've been out, he doesn't like drop the baby or anything.

And if he's downstairs, in the kitchen or the lounge (sitting room? living room?) then I come to find him when I get in, rather than him springing up to stand to attention by the door. We're not completely mental.

Your listening out for the lift is very sweet, actually.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 25/06/2010 23:56

Meet in the middle..or who ever is the most stressed (you should be able to tell)...the other gives a welcome hug..

ninah · 25/06/2010 23:59

more who says goodbye first really lol
and it was invariably me

Monty100 · 26/06/2010 00:58

I like it if dp doesn't come to greet me when I get in, I get to hide my shopping bags before he sees them. lol

gtamom · 26/06/2010 05:52

Yabu. Your cat should announce the new arrival, then you should yell out that you are on the computer and to bring you a tea.

TheBossofMe · 26/06/2010 06:27

Get a butler. Would solve problem immediately if he announced each arrival.

Quality · 26/06/2010 07:00

I greet DH when he comes home on the bike as I hear it coming a mile away.
If I am not up and about though, or in the garden or seomthing I don't move.

He does like to sneak up on me, which was why I was so glad he got his bike, I get advance warning!

Otterlybotterly · 26/06/2010 07:38

If DP is home first I knock on the door so he has to stop watching Hollyoaks and come and let me in - I can't be bothered to furtle around in my bag for my doorkeys. Drives him crazy.

KaraTrace · 26/06/2010 07:41

Move to a tiny flat with no garden, you will not be able to avoid each other and will naturally both say hello at the same time. Works for us!

fernie3 · 26/06/2010 07:51

normally we just meet half way -in the hall somewhere either that or the one who is out will have to ring the doorbell as we keep forgetting keys.

PuppyMonkey · 26/06/2010 07:58

The person coming in must shout: "Hello!" really loudly on entering the hall. And if the other person hasn't come from where s/he was in the house to return the greeting within two minutes, it's curtains for the whole relationship.

Bumperlicious · 26/06/2010 07:59

We have a weird thing that has become the norm but pisses me off when DH doesn't comply. I always go to bed before DH and it has become the rule that I say 'I am going to bed' and he has to come in to the bedroom to 'tuck me in' (well, that sounds weird, but he literally is doing that at the moment as I am 6 months pg and by the time I have arranged my myriad of pillows, put my snore strip on and my splints for carpal tunnel and found a semi comfy position I cannot move so he has to cover me over ). Anyway, if he delays or doesn't come in (which he doesn't any more, but in the early days of this 'rule' I would get really pissed off, even though it is me going to bed! He even does this knowing that when I say 'I am going to bed' what it means is I am going to fanny around getting ready for at least 5 minutes, but I expect him to come in and wait for me.

Bless him

izzybiz · 26/06/2010 08:21

When my Dh gets in there are usually 2 shrieking LO's and a bouncy SBT greeting him at the door, I get to say hello after them!

cyb · 26/06/2010 08:22

my dh smells when he comes in from work so I refuse to look at him until he is showered and changed

Original poster
Cake · 26/06/2010 11:49

the butler solution is genius.

at Bumper and her pregnancy accruements.

OP posts:
EnglandAllenPoe · 26/06/2010 11:57

agree, if he wants a warm, affectionate greting - he wants small children or pets, if he wats a formal greeting, a butler, and if he wants his wife to run to the door he can......revise his ideas.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 26/06/2010 12:04

Me, I sneeeeeeaaaaaaak into the house closing the door quietly, put my bags down silent silent ssssshhh so that I can sneak upstairs and change into clothes suitable to be worn around a toddler.

Pocoyo's usually on, so you'd think I'd get away with this.

But no.

"Hiiiiiii!" and she comes trotting around the corner from the living room, and I have to stop and be shown all her teddies and the new book and read her a story and by the way this is my Thing That I Made.

And then I get a second to ask my husband how his day's been, and I might sometimes even hear half of the answer over my daughter's rendition of Old McDonald (she's 18 months, so this consists of her shouting EIEIEIEEEEEEEEOO at the top of her voice).

Two hours later, I'll remember I'm still wearing work clothes.

TheBossofMe · 26/06/2010 12:06

Thanks Cake

Do you think it would be too Victorian to reintroduce calling cards for visitors as well?

bronze · 26/06/2010 12:13

Dh sometimes freaks me out too. Normally I can tell hes home as the dog starts going dolally but occasionally she'll be upstairs being lazy and then he creeps up on me and I do a snigger.

The person coming home seeks out the other though if I'm at the bottom of the garden I will come up to the house rather than wait for him to search the whole house first.

Songbiirdheartsfootball · 26/06/2010 12:24

Lmao at this thread my dh and I have also had this argument discussion and I agree with you. Whoever comes in yells hello (daytime only) and then the other comes down to meet them (imo). DH thinks I should drop everything and run to him throwing my arms around him, pulling off his coat, taking his shoes etc etc . However, when he doesn't get that response he normally just sneaks walks in and frightens the life out of me as I'm coming down the stairs, washing/books/toys in hand and I do a snigger (which is what it shall forever be called).

MostlyLurking · 26/06/2010 12:50

I think you need to get out more

PenguinNZ · 26/06/2010 12:51

Love the OP, incl the use of 'what say you'?

Songbiird - I was wondering how your post was going to end:

'DH thinks I should drop everything and run to him throwing my arms around him, pulling off his ......'

Was gutted to see it ended with 'coat'.

I seem to recall in our early days DH and I would greet each other with a big fat snog at the very least. [sigh]

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