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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by what DH put on You Tube?

57 replies

SweetnessAndShite · 25/06/2010 20:23

I should explain firstly DH works in broadcasting/entertainment. I found out through my BIL's facebook that my DH (His bro) has posted a You Tube video of him singing a comedy song he wrote about a woman he worked with a while ago. It's all about how he fancies her and even starts off along the lines of... I like women a lot but I'm not happy with the one I've got. Now I know it's his work and everything, and I don't think he really fancies this woman, but I can't help feel a bit put out and upset - especially because we haven't been getting on very well lately and I feel the sentiment of him not being happy with the woman he's got is probably true.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 26/06/2010 08:44

in your opinion.
in mine it sounds as though she is.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 11:47

As a man do you think it's acceptable to advertise to all your colleagues and acquaintances that you no longer find your wife attractive? I think that's extremely disrespectful and so therefore totally humiliating.

Here's headsup for you MQ, don't ever do that to your wife.

lemonysweet · 26/06/2010 16:51

MAGALYXYZ:

do you understand comedy at all? do you think Ali G is a real person?

its a comedy song, its a joke.
if my DH did this i would be proud of him for being brave enough to write and sing something and stick it up for the harsh critics on the interwebs.

Chandra · 26/06/2010 17:22

well lemony, if my h had come with such thing and showed it to me probably I would have laughed at it (I'm not a jealous type), but I would be very annoyed that he was ridiculising me in the internet and I was the last one to know.

To be honest my only suggestion to the OP is to give him a bit of a cold shoulder, then once the children are in bed, sit to him and ask "do you have something to tell me?" and let him talk, but in the mean time I wouldn't do any cooking, washing or whatever kind of nice or rutinary good gesture for him until he has got enough browny points to help me change my conviction that at the best he is stupid and at the worse he doesn't deserve my attention.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 18:46

Wow. What a ridiculous post lemonysweet.

Yes, I do understand comedy. Do you? I think you are confusing it with callous disregard and a total lack of respect.

Sasha Baron Cohen wouldn't make his wife the butt of any joke.

If your husband wrote a song mocking you and stating that he no longer found you attractive, and you applauded him for that, then you would both have the marriage you deserved. I also wonder if you understand marriage.

bronze · 26/06/2010 18:50

We need our resident song writers to write you a reply that you can post up for him to see about unthinking husbands getting in trouble

dittany · 26/06/2010 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberfour · 26/06/2010 19:02

your husband, for example, is a twat.

Eurostar · 26/06/2010 19:02

Dittany - :-)

missmoopy · 26/06/2010 19:18

He is clearly an idiot.

chipmonkey · 27/06/2010 12:25

Oh, I agree with dittany! And I think there are many, many MNers who would be perfectly capable of assisting in the composition of such a song!

lazarusb · 27/06/2010 12:54

Definitely another vote for Dittany's idea

GrendelsMum · 27/06/2010 14:38

I think that in these circumstances, it's totally appropriate to feel upset. He's been extremely inconsiderate, to say the least.

If it was just a funny joke to everyone involved, he would be telling his wife about a comic song he'd written, playing it to her, saying that he thought he'd record himself playing it, etc etc.

Just to put up a recording of yourself singing about how you 'don't like the woman you've got' is pretty crap.

How about doing your own recording of yourself singing 'I like husbands, but I don't like the one I've got?'

mayorquimby · 27/06/2010 20:13

"As a man do you think it's acceptable to advertise to all your colleagues and acquaintances that you no longer find your wife attractive? I think that's extremely disrespectful and so therefore totally humiliating.

Here's headsup for you MQ, don't ever do that to your wife. "

Yes depending on whether or not the joke works (impossible to know without seeing it) but I'm envisaging a Sarah Silverman style "I'm fucking Matt Damon" comedy-song which wouldn't be too far away from what Dittany suggested the OP does in return and was lauded by most people and viewed as a hilarious piece of comedy.
As I say it all depends on the context and delivery like most comedy

Magalyxyz · 28/06/2010 15:33

Hmmm, well presuming you're not matt damon, why don't you trial run this experiment MQ, you play you, and you can eulogise in your video about the hotness of some 22 year old blonde girl in your office... It'd be really fascinating to see how that played out!!

FioFio · 28/06/2010 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chipmonkey · 28/06/2010 17:22

link to youtube and we can all comment thus?

mayorquimby · 28/06/2010 17:56

unfortunately I'm neither a comic or a musical talent so I can't.
As I said earlier it's impossible to know wether or not he's pulled off the joke without seeing the content.
Hence my point about the Sarah Silverman video before.
Dittany suggested something as a revenge when written down in black and white seems insensitive,cold and bang out of order, yet Sarah Silverman did pretty much exactly what she suggested but because she got the tone right and pulled off the comedic element of the song it worked and people praised her for it.
It's quite possible that the song is in unremarkably bad taste, has no comedic value and is simply hurtful.
It's also possible he nailed the comedy side and that it's quite clear that it's a satire/comedy song and no one would ever view it as anything other than that.
without seeing it it's impossible to know.

EmmaBemma · 28/06/2010 18:37

The whole thing about the Sarah Silverman Matt Damon song was that it worked as a joke because Jimmy Kimmel (her boyfriend at the time, and presenter of the chat show it was featured on) was obviously in on it. It wasn't done behind his back, for everyone to yuck it up at his expense.

FrogInAJacuzzi · 28/06/2010 18:50

He's having a cheap laugh at your expense - definitely not on. He probably did it because he doesn't have a sense of humour and couldn't think of anything that was actually funny.

mayorquimby · 28/06/2010 18:58

well no he wasn't in on the making of the video. He had a long running gag with Matt Damon and did comedy routines with him before.
She made the video without his knowledge (originally as a birthday present I think) and then presented it to him on his show, he wasn't informed so that there'd be added shock/suprise factor laughs etc.
He however took it in it's intended purpose, as a joke and piece of comedy later going on to do his reply of I'm fucking Ben Affleck.
In fact the joke probably worked better because he wasn't in on it rather than the other way around.

lemonysweet · 28/06/2010 19:22

"If your husband wrote a song mocking you and stating that he no longer found you attractive, and you applauded him for that, then you would both have the marriage you deserved. I also wonder if you understand marriage."

a FICTIONAL song? if it was a serious song, and a love song to the woman he really did fancy, then id obviously be annoyed, but a comedy song? really? i thought we were talking about a work of fiction here?
do people thing all the things that happen to the comedian 'on the way here' are true?
if me and my husband take the piss out of each other and call each other fat and ugly, we dont actually mean that the other is fat and ugly, its a joke.
and i do understand marriage, thank you. it means being able to actually SAY to my husband if he has crossed the line [which the OP obviously has, maybe she has reason to believe that this song is actually true, i dont think shes daft enough to think a funny song alone is reason to believe her husband doesnt want her]
if i did something like this and posted it on the internet, id find it hard to show my DH, not because of the content, because its hard to create something and then show it to the people who's approval you want the most. i could show it to my brother, but not to my parents or DH or kids, id be embarassed in case they thought it was unfunny!

Magalyxyz · 29/06/2010 13:17

mayorquimby, i haven't seen the video but from what you describe it sounds like a different set of circumstances altoghether. Even if somethhing has 'comedic value' I don't think anybody has the right to present material which belittles their spouse in the name of comedy. The fact that some people might be laughing doesn't counter zoning in on somebody to use them as the butt of the joke or humiliating them or making it public that you are attracted to better looking people than your spouse.. Funny? perhaps. Decent? Respectful? no.

mayorquimby · 29/06/2010 13:33

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLG3S5WzHig

Well that's the video so you can judge for yourself. Obviously there's a copious amount of the F word in this link.

ImSoNotTelling · 29/06/2010 13:36

The matt damon thing is completely different. It was funny as clearly she was not fucking a mega-superstar who is also her OHs good mate. It was done for the boyfriend as a joke.

This is a song with a bloke singing about how he fancies a woman (a real woman who he used to work with) and he doesn't fancy his wife. Done for him and his mates in his work and not even mentioned to his wife. The one who he sings that he doens't fancy any more.

Slightly different. And as far as I can see Dittany's reponse is entirely apt.

The fact that the song is all about real people, in his real life, and now (not harking back to his teenage years or something) makes it really horrible.

Would be interested in seeing it, but honestly there would have to be something completely unexpected in the situaiton to make it not crap for the OP.

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