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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

really annoyed about this

80 replies

Claire70 · 25/06/2010 18:36

DS lost his jumper at school on Tuesday. He was supposed to look for it on Wednesday and ask the teacher for help if he couldn't find it, but he "forgot". So on Thursday am, DH asked the TA at drop-off. Nothing happened (i.e. the teacher did not ask the children to check their jumpers or ask their parents to check at home). So I asked again at pick-up on Thursday afternoon. This time the TA said she would leave a note on the teacher's desk. Then today, Friday nothing happened again.
I am annoyed with DS for losing it and not even trying to find it, but he is just 7, so I know it is normal. However I am really annoyed with the teacher because I know she feels it is beneath her to help with these kind of things.

The jumper costs the same as the upcoming school trip and I am very tempted to let the HT know that I will be giving my school trip contrib to the school supplier instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 19:49

I'm not the only parent who has had trouble with lost property this year and bothering the teacher is not good, but if the head asks for this to happen then what choice do we have?

OP posts:
more · 25/06/2010 19:49

Goodness no, I do however iron their underwear (tops not pants though) for some weird reason.

toccatanfudge · 25/06/2010 19:49

posh - the OP's DS only started at school this year, was Home Ed previously .

unfit........I do iron them if they're going to be put away.......if they're taken straight out of the basket and put on they don't get ironed

runnybottom · 25/06/2010 19:49

Are there really schools in the uk that parents aren't allowed to walk into? CRB checks? WTF?

Poshwellies · 25/06/2010 19:52

Ahhh

Oh well one down,many more to be lost!

toccatanfudge · 25/06/2010 19:52

I know runny - I'm still trying to get my head around that one especially as the OP obviously does have a CRB check otherwise she could help with reading

Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 19:52

poshwellies - you do not know my circumstances. Ds only started school at age 7. But as you imply, children loose things all the time, so the answer is to make them cheap enough that replacing them does not cause hardship to the parent.

OP posts:
more · 25/06/2010 19:52

Do you live in a capital Claire70? I find this school and their rules unusual!!

Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 19:55

I can see you debating between yourselves about how the school operates. Maybe all other schools are different. i would not know - this is my first and only one. However I am telling the truth about how this school is set up and I personally can only go into the school when I have a specific thing to do, or a meeting with the head/ a teacher. The head made that very clear to all us parents who help out only a few months ago.

OP posts:
Poshwellies · 25/06/2010 19:55

Well,I'm sure the school wont mind him wearing a cheaper alternative until new term-4 weeks left,they don't need jumper at the moment in this nice weather.

Poshwellies · 25/06/2010 19:56

jumpers

seeker · 25/06/2010 19:57

I would have stopped worrying about the jumper by now - and have turned my attention to the more serious issues - a state school with a prohibitively expensive uniform (not allowed), a school with no proper systems for lost property (batty) a school that doesn't let parents in (dowright weird) and a teacher who intimidates a 7 year old (horrid and scary)

Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 19:58

no its a village school. the rules are a bit OTT, sometimes irrational as well. The head rules the school and will not accept any dissenting voice... it has to be her way. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a good school educationally, which is what makes me laugh at the teacher has "better things to do" remarks, because she possibly does, but it isn't anything to do with imparting knowledge form what i have seen.

OP posts:
more · 25/06/2010 19:59

So you gonna run for the school board next semester? Work the school from the inside!! If you want the school to change you need to do something about it yourself.

more · 25/06/2010 20:00

should you not be looking at a different school for your kid then, if the school is as bad as you say?

Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 20:01

Seeker - you are right: I have much deeper concerns with this school than one missing jumper. On one level I'd happily list them... I think some who have been posting on this thread might be surprised ... but really I thought this jumper thing was a discrete issue, so I only posted this one thing. For the rest, I am seriously considering taking the DC to another school, but I am finding it hard to find any with spaces in both years.

OP posts:
moomaa · 25/06/2010 20:05

Did it have his name in it?

I don't think YABU to be frustrated at the policy not being implemented as laid out. I also think it was ok to contact the head if you don't like the way the school does things, it sounds bizarre that there is no lost property box.

You would be unreasonable to withhold the trip money as it is your son's fault he lost it.

If he is scared of the teacher then that is a seperate issue you need to deal with, by talking to the teacher yourself before he had done it you were letting him off the hook.

Original poster
Claire70 · 25/06/2010 20:11

moomaa - the teacher is a bit strange to deal with. It is hard to explain.... she seems fine at first but after talking to her for just a few mins, you begin to feel uneasy like she's not really all there. She certainly doesn't do empathy on any level, and I think that is probably the main reason she is such a poor teacher. I've tried to deal with the problems relating to her as they've come along but in the end I realise the head knows what she is like and apparently either can't or won't do anything about it (although she is working her notice right now..!).
DS will not speak to her, even to ask her if he can do something at show and tell. only another four weeks and she will be out of our lives forever.

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 25/06/2010 21:25

I can understand the school not wanting to have assorted people who claim to be parents wandering about, but I can't understand that they haven't got a lost property box or heap.

7 year old are bound to lose things all the time, so what do they do with them? Does the cleaner incinerate them? Is it supposed to "teach them a lesson" and make the kids more careful? Or is it possible you have been misinformed?

Is this the sort of school that has a PTA?

skidoodly · 25/06/2010 22:09

"I thought this jumper thing was a discrete issue"

doesn't sound like it is though - you have good reason to be very cross as it sounds like the school is run in such a way as to make such a simple and regular occurrence a nightmare to deal with.

so this SHOULD be with the head (and not the teacher)

LadyBiscuit · 25/06/2010 22:19

I can totally understand you being really cross when all those other things are thrown in. It really doesn't sound like the school is well run (and I honestly thought it sounded like a private school when you said you had to get the uniform from a specific place)

Original poster
Claire70 · 28/06/2010 19:30

update... the HT would have got my email today but as far as I can see, she has completely ignored it. In the email I apologised for bothering her with trivia but asked if she would assist by getting someone to help me find the jumper. Nothing happened.. the email went unanswered and the teacher. TA didn't ask the class to check what they are wearing.

So, now its worse because the HT has decided to ignore me.

I came to my senses on Friday night and gave DS the cash for the upcoming school trip. He handed it in this morning.

However tonight, the school has sent home a questionnaire for the parents. It is anonymous except that they ask the year group and I know the HT has spent time previously working out who said what on other anonymous questionnaires (she told me). The advice at the top asks for honest answers. Examples are:-
"agree or disagree: this is a good school of which I am proud to have my child attend" and "agree or disagree: I feel comfortable about approaching the school with a question or concern".

So 3 options: tell the truth, lie or return a blank form. Which would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Claire70 · 28/06/2010 19:43

@PigletJohn, I might have been misinformed about a lost property box but it must be something of a well-kept secret given that:-

  • I've spent a lot of time at the school and never heard of one,
  • sympathised with other parents whose children have lost things and who have never mentioned a lost property box in their description of the lengths they went to to try and find it (one even had a stand up row with the teacher and she never mentioned it)
  • asked repeatedly about this jumper and no one has ever referred to a lost property box

There is a PTA but its activities are limited to organising fund raising events, so it is not a forum to raise issues such as this. (I was on it, so I know this 100%)

OP posts:
Original poster
Claire70 · 28/06/2010 19:44

Pigletjohn.. sorry that sounded sharp when I re-read it, and I didn't mean it that way. I was just trying to explain how I can be fairly certain that the set-up is as I described. Sorry for any offence I might have caused.

OP posts:
bumpsoon · 28/06/2010 19:48

Ive lost count of the number of jumpers dd has lost so far at school ,even though they are labelled .To be fair though i dont routinely check the labels in the jumpers she brings home so it could be that she has been wearing some other childs for weeks ! I often have to rummage on the cloakroom floor for her jumper or check the lost property box ,which is also located handily in the cloakroom .If i were you i would have a good look at hometime ,im sure the teacher and ta and headteacher would be more than happy for you to look ,rather than keep asking them . By the way i dont think yabu as it is a right royal pita ,you wait till they get to secondary school , my son lost a whole pe kit and school blazer in the space of a week ,that little lot cost just over £100 to replace

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