To think BF-ing a 2yr old is, um, weird?

[Lucy85]

Well what do you think? I know it's a very emotive subject, but I've seen it a couple of times and it makes me come over all strange.
I BFed my baby exclusively until 7 months when I went back to work, but the thought of doing it now is just plain odd, - not wrong, it's just I can't imagine doing it to someone who can walk, talk, get their own drinks, eats proper food and is too big to lie sideways on my lap.

Yes Anniebee both odd tbh.

she's American

Flight - I'm not in your shoes and can't possibly have your insight on your own situation so please don't think I'm making a personal attack.

In theory, I think sometimes you have to just make something happen. For me, the situation you describe would be a real problem and I would be working to change it, even if it meant some tears.

But of course everyone has a different threshold for tears... And everyone draws their own lines on mummy's rights and child's rights.

And yes, I count myself lucky that DS didn't seem to notice he'd been weaned, and that he was amenable from early on to others putting him to bed.

articles like that do the perfectly normal toddler-BFers no favours

If bfing a toddler is infantilising them, then so is giving them cuddles, kisses and vaccinations. Breastfeeding continues to fulfil these roles for as long as the child is being fed.

bitty - other mammals wean their young once their immune systems are matured. For humans, that would be age 7.

Flightattendant

You can always leave them to cry!! cruel in some minds maybe, but two/three nights and they they learn!!

I think people that do EBF for reasons like this, and for night waking are making a rod for their own back. I think there is a grey area between "food" and "comfort" and thats what makes some people a bit uncomfortable. someone said "ten times a day", at 7 months I BF my baby less thasn that!

But thats just one opinion.........just an opinion !!! there are some scary people on this thread .....

ReneRusso,
"To those who have said that breastmilk is made to the child's specifications an alters itself according to the child's nutritional needs, how does this work when you are feeding both a newborn and a toddler?"

Milk reverts to colostrum and then back to 'newborn milk'. The toddler can and does drink the colostrum and new born milk with no problems, through the colostrum might cause them to have loose poo, having the same effect on them as it does in a new baby.

goodnightmoon,
"i fully support long term BFing but at some point isn't it helpful for a child to find ways to self soothe or otherwise fall asleep without relying on it?"

My children still learnt to self sooth and learn to fall asleep without milk. They both night weaned at 20 months and slowly move from no sleep without a breast in their mouth to sleeping without a feed. This stage took a while and was very slow in nature and I can't remember the details. All I can say is DS (nearly 2 years old) demands milk for naps/night time and really kicks up a fuss if I put him off, where as my DD (nearly 4 years) can self sooth, fall asleep without a feed and even spends a couple of days away from me and the milk with no ill effects.

Re the self-soothing question, this is making the assumption that all children reach the same stages of emotional development at the same time and in the same way. Which is clearly not the case.

For example, DS never, ever took to cuddly toys - from around 9 months old he always took a hard plastic toy to bed. Today (age 3) it's a car or a train. His cuddly toys have been studiously ignored for 3 years. He's also never sucked his thumb or had a blankie that he sucked on or carried around with him, but I know children who use all these things for self-soothing.

Another example - we moved to a new town last year, and it's taken DS until now to feel completely settled and happy and to shake off the clinginess which he developed after we moved. Another family moved at the same time as us with a similar age DS, who settled within weeks.

I rarely ever used bfing specifically to soothe DS, it was almost always for mealtimes (but obviously when I fed him he found it soothing) but I can appreciate that some families do use bfing this way. Why do some people feel the need to stipulate how and when bfing should be used?

I think the perception of ebf being a problem is not about whether there's a nutritional need, or whether the child is being infantilised, etc etc. I think it boils down to the fact that our society sexualises breasts in a way that many other societies don't, and so bfing makes some people feel uncomfortable. We use our genitals for both urinating and sex, but since their first and most frequent use is for urination, we don't have trouble accepting their double function, or perceiving them as non-sexual organs.

By contrast in the West we are far more likely to see a woman's breasts being used for their sexual appeal - in advertising, in everyday exposed cleavage - than to see them being used for breastfeeding. Therefore we wrongly think the 'normal' use of breasts is sexual. It's not. Breasts are like udders, but they also perform a sexual function.

'someone said "ten times a day", at 7 months I BF my baby less thasn that! '

How lucky for you dd who is 10months and fully weaned still feeds 10times a day, it has dropped considerably from what it was though. the fact that she still has so many feeds says to me that she needs it. Mind you while she was a newborn she was feeding constantly at least 24 feeds a day.

breastfeeding is always about food and about comfort. you cannot separate the 2.

while a 3yo may not need the nutritional value of breastmilk in the UK, surely the fats, proteins, carbs, minerals and vitamins etc in breastmilk is as nutritionally valuable to his daily irrespective of why it is given. (comfort or nutrtion).

Likewise, I would not tell a 3 or a 30 yo that they ought not have that banana because he already has a balanced diet. that the banana does not add any thing to his diet and actually that he ought not eat that banana for, heaven forbid, comfort.

the occasional banana may be more nutritionally significant because the potassium in it may be something which is a bit lacking in his normal diet. ergo the occasional feed.

what if the toddler is going slowly into meltdown because her blood sugar is a bit low or it may be a bit past nap time and you can't get home or to the car just yet (as I vividly recall one day with dd1 when we were in denizens of Ikea with no snacks on hand. that) A quick feed addresses the sugar need (nutrition) and the diverts the tantrum (comfort). Sometimes toddlers are whingy, angry, confused outwardly to us and a breastfeed can address both at the same time instead of having a banana hurled back at me (in Ikea) by a toddler who doesn't quite understand that food is what it needs.

In time a toddler who has his needs for comfort met compassionately outgrows that need and is secure in his independence to move on to the next stage of life.

And why should we have to put conditions on how that child is comforted? Letting a child cry for a few days may work for a large percentage of children or rather spare the drama. This phase of their lives is so short. I've come to see it as a journey for my family which evolves into another one all the time. Along the way I am learning the depths of my compassion and humanity which I could not fathom before. The good and the bad days of breastfeeding is a small but significant part of that journey. My children teach me more about myself all the time.

Soon they will be shutting my front door behind them as they head off on gap year. Why hurry it up? I don't want them to leave home at 14.

By porcamiseria Mon 28-Jun-10 14:55:35
Flightattendant

You can always leave them to cry!! cruel in some minds maybe, but two/three nights and they they learn!!

Porca, you're joking aren't you? If you're not then I'm sorry to say I think that's a frightful suggestion.

I tend to consider it very damaging to leave a child to cry, and this view is backed up by a great deal of research.

Plus I just wouldn't do it, because I care about him and don't want him to work himself up into a state of hysteria.

I haven't encountered any views as scary as your comment, on the thread.

YANBU - I do think it's slightly weird. I BF'd both DD's for four and five months only because it was the right thing but never actually enjoyed it. I'm not the only one to feel like this I'm sure. I was relieved in a way to move on and really wanted to get the physical closeness and sex life back with DH. I'm also not a fan of bottles either and moved to cups before age one.

I can see the benefits of extended BF'ing, and I'm sure it's very handy when they are poorly to have breastmilk on tap however, but I have always been kind-of grossed out when I've seen toddler lifting up their mum's tops or pulling them down etc.

I'm pleased I did make the effort and felt wracked with guilt when I stopped, but now that DD's are 3 and 5 does it really matter?? I don't lose sleep over it.

But each to their own and all that.

Flight, it isn't damaging in the slightest to leave a child to cry, in a controlled environment, there is very little research to say a ten minute cry hurts anyone. Feeding to sleep is damaging for teeth, especially at three. Even breastmilk rots teeth.

But if it's feed to sleep or not sleep at all, I know which I'd choose.

Whatever works for your family is good enough.

OMG! millions and millions of people put their toddlers down and leave them to cry

5 minutes wail, and off they sleep!

This is hardly Baby P land. I get that you dont like it. But many many loving parents do it. I am not accusing you of being scary so dont accuse me of the same please.

slushy, dont get me wrong when newborn my son fed constantly. hourly. I just dont understand why a toddler needs BF ten times a day thats all?

Fanjolina, I can understand your attitude all through the early part of your post, about you personally not enjoying bf and being glad to finish

but how does that translate to being "grossed out" by the sight of a child asking his mother for milk (ie pulling at her top etc)?

It's the "creepy" "gross" thing I just do not understand, and nobody seems to be willing to EXPLAIN it.

I wouldn't call dd a toddler and it was me who said when you have been feeding 10times a day for the past 12months so no one as far as I am aware said a toddler feeding 10times a day. just that my 10month old dd still feeds 10 times.

Fanjolina
I don't understand
are we not supposed to have sex when we are breastfeeding

This thread is now bizarre

I am with all the people who keep posting 'none of my business, to each their own, I don't care either way' etc

I can't really explain the 'creepy' 'gross' aspect. It's just my immediate reaction is 'oh yuk' when I see older children/toddlers do it.

Don't know why exactly.

Maybe it's beacause the people I know who have done this have made a conscious (or otherwise) decision to prioritise the extended feeding over a physical relationship with their partner.

This is my experience I will stress before there comes a flurry of posters telling me TMI about their sex lives.

I am fully aware of the benefits of bf'ing a newborn and would support and encourage anyone to do it/try it.

ok, so you feel that they ahve chosen to feed their children rather than have a sexual relationship with their partners (this is illogical, but nonetheless)

HOW does that equate to "euw, yuk, gross"?

do you feel sad that their husbands aren't getting any sex?

Or do you think the sexual aspect of their breasts is a facet of the extended feeding?

I don't think it's good enough to say "yuk, gross" - expressing disgust at someone feeeding a child - and just say "I don't know why I feel like that

Really you should think it out and establish why you feel that way!

Posie, it would be more than ten minutes believe me

I'd just rather not do it at all.

Porca, I didn't accuse you of being scary. I said your comment was, and that was in response to your saying 'there are some scary people on this thread'.

I will ignore the bit about rods for own backs because I really, really can't be bothered.

Good grief, please spare the flip chart.

Erm, FJ I became pg with baby number two whilst bf baby number one. You can separate your feelings. I kiss my dcs and dh but only dh gets the tongue!!