By not wanting to tell dad to be of my pregnancy??

[xstaceyxcatx]

long story short was seeing this man 10 months we parted ways in march due to the relationship not really going anywhere and both of us not wanting it to become anything more. Have kept in contact regularly which lead to a few random meetings when both of us had free nites.

Yesterday i found out im pregnant and am terrified to tell him due to him being slightly younger than me and also due to me already having a 6yr old.

Would it be unreasonable to leave it until i pass 12 weeks? As im scared the arguements wil cause me too much stress that i cant afford due to suffering badly from endomitreosis and this baby literally being the miracle i never thought would happen.

All comments appreciated

How many weeks are you now ? I think you need to give him the opportiunity to be there esp for the 12 week scan etc.
From what you've said you still have a friendship and reading between the lines you arent expecting a marriage proposal ets So why not explain all that to him and give him the chance ?
Or is there something that makes you think he'll be awful ?

Congratulations BTW.

leaving til 12 weeks is okay
never telling him or leaving it much later than that would be unreasonable

im 7 weeks today and only found out yesterday.

im scared as i know his family wont be amused and that certain people already think im not good enough for him.

also scared that he will tell me he isnt interested and that will upset me even though im not expecting him to get down on one knee.

thank you for my congratulations :D

this baby is my wee miracle and im overjoyed

Blimey, that's a difficult one.
Do you think there's a chance he would be pleased? Why would it cause arguments? If you think he wouldn't be sensitive to your situation then don't tell him.
If that happened to me, i think i would have to tell him, but then i don't know your particular circumstances.

Sounds as though you have a reasonably good relationship at the moment, and if you want to keep that good relationship I personally think deliberately concealing the fact that you are pregnant probably won't help. I realise you don't intend to conceal it indefinitely, but if I were him, I'd be upset and possibly angry that you didn't tell me earlier, and probably excluded me from the 12-week scan.

Why do you think there will be arguments? Do you think he will want you to have an abortion or something?

I dunno he is only 20 and if im honest im scared it will ruin his life. I understand it takes 2 but i wouldnt want him to feel pressured to do the right thing if that makes sense.

He has a really good homelife and a great job but a baby is a huge responsibility especially with someone you dont plan it with.

The reason im scared of arguements is that last year i was told id never concieve naturally and this baby is a blessing for me and i dont want to risk upsetting myself.

I think leaving it till 12 weeks it's ok. But you have to tell him otherwise you will live with guilt, and someday you might think what if...

Congratulations!!!

I think he would prefer me to have an abortion but im against them and wouldnt ever consider it.

I dont think he would pressure me but i know how much he wouldnt want a baby with anyone at the moment let alone with me.

Well you def know how you feel and that you are going ahead with this pg.
I just feel that he could miss out on the early part and if theres no real reason not to tell him his family shouldnt be an issue if you make it clear to him you dont expect anything you just feel he has a right to know.
Its still your miracle I dont think any reaction from him will change that.

I think leaving it til 12 weeks is fine too. Don't get the "he might want to be with you for the scan" argument. Congratulations on your news.

Im prepared for him to walk away and i will be making it clear that i dont expect him to contribute emotionally or financially if he doesnt want to.

Its just a stupid situation and has came as such a shock. Already being a single parent i know i can cope and have the most amazing friends and family but just wish i was in a different situation.

How are you going to support the baby? Can you manage without his help?

I think i know deep down telling him has to be done as i could never hide that from him. Plus once it becomes public knowledge he will guess as he is the dad as he is only person iv been with in over a year so i guess its best being brave rather than taking the easy way out.

Some of my friiends think i should leave telling huim but then agian they've never liked him so i think listening to them would be a silly idea.

I start work full time in 2 weeks and can financially afford to support both bump and my 6yr old.

I know a lot of people dont agree with dads not supporting kids but i cant ask him for money for a kid he may not plan on getting to know

So you've told some friends? Tbh I don't think that was the best decision but as it's donw now I think you do need to tell him asap now so that he doesn't hear it from anyone else. That would definately Not be Good!
Could you write him a letter and get it in the post tomorrow - then you don't have to deal with his immediate reaction....

Well as bad as it sounds i was planning on texting him as i cant remember his full address.

Luckily enough we dont have mutual friends and iv only told my 2 closest friends so far.

I know telling him is the only thing to do and that my fear is probably silly but i think its a case of being burned before thats making me feel this way

Please don't text him. You need to at least ring him, or ideally meet up with him.

i was thinking of asking him to meet me but i know i'll cry and he doesnt cope well with tears etc. Maybe telephone is the easiest way. That way he can decide if he wants to come speak to me etc.

ittlesilver the 'argument' for him going to the scan is the OP doesnt know how he's going to react he might be really happy and I know that the 1st scan is a milestone in any pregnancy for the mum as well as the dad. Id prob have said dont tell him if the OP wasnt 100% on what she wanted to do but she is why exclude him unnecessary ?

Ringing sounds fine. That way you can have a brief conversation then let him go away and digest the news a bit before having a proper discussion.

TBH i'm going to go against the grain but based on my situation I wish that I had never told himself about the pregnacy.

He wanted to be part of my dd life....I put him on the birth certificate (giving him parental responibilty). He has seen DD twice this year so far even though promises regularly to visit weekly. He has not contributed a single penny since 2007 to her upbringing. Does not buy clothes, gift etc.

And now he is holding me randsom over the parental responsiblity...he is refusing to sign a passport form.

I honestly wish, that I had deleted his phone number from my phone the second I walked out of the doctor office.

I hope whichever you decide, that it works out for you and your children.

How many years older are you ?

I was 24 when my then boyfriend and I fell pregnant, he was 19.....12 years later, 2 children, married and he is the best dad in the world.

So a very very happy ending here x

Charley24 im only 22 not much older but mentally im older due to falling pregnant at 15 and subsequently keeping my little boy. Its nice to hear of happy endings and i hope that whatever the decsion he decides in the ong term that it makes him happy.

As he isnt a bad or horrible person and i have tonnes of respect for him. I dont want to exclude him without giving him the chance which is why i will tell him, probably over the phone as im not strong enough to do it face to face.

TinyPawz my mum went through similar situation with passport you can write a letter to passport agency explaining situation and they wont need his signature thats what my mum had to do. Men like him are wastes of space and dont deserve to have the wonderful kids that they get.

x