not trusting other bloody woman

[Euro1]

Read a very heartening thread on here about ex and new wife getting on and having good relationship -something I would strive for.

However, dh went off with very good family friend 3 months ago. Someone we have been on holiday with etc etc.

In her attempt to break us up, she has told some unforgiveable lies about me and the DC. Like I had secret terminations, got pregnant deliberately to trap him ( we have been married for 12 yrs!) did not tell him I was pregnant when I knew for at least a month, had secret tests done to establish paternity etc etc.

My dh went from being a fab dad to someone who was so angry and abrupt with the DCs that it was hard to watch. I thought he was upset over something else but now realise what it was.

I now do not fundamentally trust this bitch to have my DCs best interests at heart. She says they are equal to hers and will not be treated differently, but in a 3 bed house where her two kids have a room each and mine are expected to sleep on the sofa/ mattress on the floor when they are round there - this is not on. Anyone who is callousness enough to try and break up the relationship between parent and child for her own gain - does not, depsite her screamings, have the children as the most important thing and definitely not mine. Suggestions of shared rooms -2 girls/2 boys is met with derision.

They may not stay together which would be great but in the meantime, my two 3.5 and 20 months are at her mercy and unable to respond. I know four months ago I trusted her to look after them but now I do not and I can not move forward.

I hurt for so much that has been betrayed and so many lies been told but I am scared for my DCs when they are with her.

AIBU and how do I move forward with this. I fell like I am giving up everything and dancing to her tune for the sake of the DCs and she is jsut laughing at me.

No intention of moving out - my every day life is actually going on. I go to work, DCS go to nursery (very happy) love seeing their little friends and running around like mad.

Have managed to increase my hours at work a little which will give me a little bit of extra cash for any short falls with out having a huge impact on DCs, but have a feeling that may blow up in my face if things get nasty. As I am being painted as the career woman who puts her kids in nursery whilst stay at home mum provides proper child care because she does not trust anyone else to look after her children.

My biggest fear is they are going to go for custody of DCs on the basis of being in a family unit with stay at home - that thought terrifies me.

Yanbu
how arrogant they are to ask you to move out

Thsi is unbelievable! You poor thing going through this at teh hands of someone who was supposed to have loved you and the dc's.
Obviously don't move out and I doubt very much (though I'm not a family lawyer) that they'll get custody over you, their mother!!

If it were me I wouldn't send them on anymore overnighters, is your youngest one 20 months? And sleeping on the sofa?!!?! If you think she is favouring her own/not treating your very nicely then stop sending them as you cannot trust this woman with your kids.
Yes, they have a right to see their father but he has a responsiblity to keep them protected and do teh right thing by them.

Anyway, that aside why on earth are you sending your small kids to stay overnight with a father that doesn't believe they are his and a crazy woman!!!!!

What does your legal advice say?

Am reading this and absolutely fuming on your behalf.

They sound like a pair of absolute bastards!

Definitely get a bloody good solicitor and get armed with as much good advice as possible.

I honestly don't think they would award full custody away from an obviously loving mother. Plenty of mums work and if your ex makes an issue of the fact that you work, offer to pack your job in and let him support you to be a sahm.

Honestly I'm so angry for you.

Hope all works out for the best, and keep us updated.

Cyber hugs being sent xx

This is bullying isn't it? Two adults against one. I'm getting hassle from my soon to be exH and am wondering more and more whether the OW is involved in this hassle.

He went to see a solicitor to see if he could get me out of the house. The solicitor said if I could pay the mortgage then he wouldn't be able to get me out. Do you have a mortgage that you're paying?

Hope it works out for you. Good that you're managing to work, the stress is immense when they keep moving the goalposts, you never know what they're going to hit you with next.

No more staying over. You have to remember we have both had each others kids stay overnight in the past so my issues with safety do not hold much weight.

This has stopped as of this week. Deep down he knows that he is the father and there is no disputing that, the paternity issue is I think for her benefit and for her to hide behind the fact that she does have a few concerns about the paternity of her own DCs.

We are in the fortunate position of not having a mortgage = so yes I can afford to stay here. For them it would be the cheapest easiest option, everything is here - no effort to make in setting up somewhere else.

I feel like me and the DCs are an inconvenience and if we disappeared they would be happy

Surely you had each others kids before all this. It was an occasional night and before there was any difficult situation/ unpleasantness.

Get legal advice and speak to social worker as you are 'concerned about your children's welfare' - over the allergy and sofa sleeping, it might be useful in the future if there are disputes (which seems likely with this pair).

The law is the law and if you err in some way you might not have a leg to stand on over custody etc - speak to a lawyer and find a good one.

Glad you're not even considering moving out, no way do that. Under any circumstances. That is yours and your children's home.

JosieZ has good advice about the social worker too.

The more you can get in writing the better I think.

Oh god it gets worse - I swear I am living in an episode of Hollywood wives but I am not - this is real and happening to me.

Could someone please wake me up when this is all over, they have both decided what they want to do and I can carry on with my life.

I am beginning to think I ma imagining what is happening - but this am found her knickers under my bed. Well if they are not hers then DC 1 has started cross dressing and buying his own clothes, I have gone from a 14 to a 10 and DC2 has suddenly become very mature and bloomed from a toddler to an adult who wears thongs!!!

Yuck, tell them they can have the bed!

this is so bizzare you could sell tickets,the fraught account,adultery,paternity,trollops knickers in your bed

apart from blow by blow account on mn
what are you doing about this?

have you sought solicitor
is it joint mortgage are you on title deeds

i don't think 20 month olds and 3 year olds should sleep on sofas and mattresses. i wouldn't allow them to stay over night.

as for ow, she sounds like a nut job and i hope your dh comes to his senses - i'm sure he will.

poor you

"They would now like me to move out of the house and her move in, it would be easier for all concerned apparently. I had said when I first found out that was going to find somewhere else but there really is nothing that I fancy moving in to. No suggestion of buying me out and her contributing etc..."

As if!!!

As has been said, get a good solicitor and get one right now! Get a court order re custody/access. Get everything in writing through your solicitors. Don't have any further contact with them that isn't mediated through solicitors.

Angry as you are, you are still falling into the 'nice girl' trap of not wanting to wind them up, but they obviously have no problem with trying to nick your house and take your kids away from you, so it's time to be as hard nosed as they are.

See a few solicitors and don't settle on one until you feel that this person is totally on your side and will absolutely fight your corner every step of the way. Then ask that solicitor to contact your ex and instruct him that - since he's questioned paternity, made you have tests, threatened to take your children and tried to order you out of the house without making appropriate legal arrangements - he is now only to contact you through your solicitor unless it is an emergency concerning the children. Bullies only understand one language and it ain't making nice...

Paternity results as expected and a very sincere apology for doubting me completely ruined by yes but... to justify his actions.

Still very sad and other woman now trying to turn it into my problem. I am making life difficult in not wanting the children to play together. As I appointed out, have no problem with the children just trusting her and DH to consider our DCs as equal.