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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh could pay a bit more attention?

27 replies

Jux · 23/06/2010 15:15

DD (10) in Y6 has got a place in a really good school just across the county border, about 15 miles away, 20 odd minute car journey.

I don't drive (ms related, please don't flame me!). Currently dh drives dd to primary school which takes all of 5 minutes. He has said categorically that he will not drive her to this secondary school (shame he didn't think about that before we applied).

There is a bus, run privately by one of the mothers, which runs from outside our house to the school, but it is full and it is unlikely anyone will drop out to make a place available for dd.

I have spent the last hour and a half trying to google bus routes, times, fares etc from here to the new school. I have finally found the easiest way is to catch the train from here to a town near the school and then get on a bus. I have the times and fares etc.

I have just tried to tell dh the results of my hard work and HE IS WATCHING CRICKET and murmured "that's fine, well done".

AIBU to think that, actually, it would be a lot easier if he were to drive her, and also that he might just listen for a bit while I try to tell him how our pfb is going to get to school? He told me to try to find out. I was only doing it because he wanted me to!!!!!! and then he wouldn't even listen to me!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 23/06/2010 15:16

I should add, bloody men

OP posts:
diamondsandtiaras · 23/06/2010 16:23

bloody men indeed! What are is reasons for not wanting to drive her to school? Seems v unreasonable to expect you and DD to get a train and bus when he could just get in the car!

foreverastudent · 23/06/2010 16:28

why wont he drive her to school?

Original poster
Jux · 23/06/2010 16:30

He just hasn't thought it through - he never does. That's why it pisses me off when I get all the info and try to give it to him. I think he just likes to have his own version of reality and resists any intrusion.

I will indeed have to travel with her - certainly at first. He says it costs £5 if he drives her; he hasn't thought that with me and dd doing the journey by pub trans, it will cost over £11, and that's if I stay there all day.

Sometimes he's just a tosser really

OP posts:
doggiesayswoof · 23/06/2010 16:36

And again... WHY won't he drive her?

Send him an email with the costs of the different scenarios in bold.

(Or would that be childish? I sometimes get a bit childish when my DH does this sort of thing)

diddl · 23/06/2010 17:02

Have you looked into the private bus?

Someone might be leaving?

Why should he drive her?-it´s secondary school!

trixie123 · 23/06/2010 18:34

I used to have a 10 min walk, train, bus then another 15 min walk to my secondary school. Assuming your DD is fairly confident and capable she should be ok after the first few days (especially if there are others she could go with). However, if the point of the post was "bloody men" then absolutely on board. DP is great really but why is it that every single day he asks me what DS is having for tea - why can't he decide? Why is it always me who thinks ahead and researches the next car seat / shoes / whole weaning process etc? Sorry, getting carried away...

He should be made to face the real logistics of his decision

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 18:36

Sorry - this may well be irrelevant - but why does he drive her a 5 minute journey now?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 18:36

But I do understand the point about him not taking an interest and helping sort out the logistics

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/06/2010 18:37

Does he work in the same direction as the school or is it going to add alot of time to his journey?

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 23/06/2010 18:40

Well, if he wasn't listening, just say that while he was watching the TV, you told him you'd found out the public transport was too awkward, so he'd have to drive.
He said, 'That's fine, well done'
Job done.

Original poster
Jux · 23/06/2010 18:42

If it were a simple journey by bus then dh really wouldn't need to drive her.

Unfortunately, the least complicated bus route will involve 3 different buses, changing in places where I've never been, let alone her. It will require her to start her journey at around 6.30am as the later buses only go part of the way - and not as far as the next bus she would have to catch. I suppose there might be one which would then move her on a bit, but in the end it would be 5 buses (perhaps more), all to be caught in places she doesn't know.

The train and then a bus is by far the simplest and I would only be going with her until she was certain of what to do. Even then, she'll have to leave the house by 7.30.

The private bus doesn't have spaces atm. It is unlikely that it will (I have spoken to the woman who organises it; dd is the 2nd on the waiting list, but she's very doubtful about anyone dropping out now).

DH doesn't want to drive her because he doesn't want to. It will cost £5 in petrol, he says, and take about 1/2hr each way.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 18:47

That is an awkward journey. I am going to say my second annoying thing, which is - surely the travel should have been a big part of the decision to apply to the school? (sorry, not meaning to be annoying) - what did he say at that point - did he say he would drive, or did he say nothing?

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/06/2010 18:47

Does your dh work? Tbh I wouldn't be keen on that journey on top of ft work.

Its going to be about 3 hours commute for her each day. Thats a lot on top of school and homework etc. What if she joins after school activities. She won't be home until really late.

Original poster
Jux · 23/06/2010 18:54

DH is a musician and gigs on w/e nights (not usually Sunday though). During the week he does not work.

Jamie, you're right about the travel being a part of the decision, but as I say, he didn't think it through. We knew where the school was, we knew the private school bus was pretty full and it would be lucky if we got a place on it. When he didn't seem to think it would be a problem I assumed he would drive her. What I didn't realise was that in his reality, there would be no problem with the private bus; somehow it would grow another seat for her.

The reason he drives her now is because he does. She is perfectly capable of walking and often walks home, but for some reason he always drives her there in the morning. I think he just likes to have something to moan about.

Bloody bloody bloody men.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 18:55

Oh dear

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/06/2010 19:16

Tbh I think the travel is not going to be conducive to your dd making the most of her school years. Such a long commute is likely to have a negative impact on her education.

If there is no other way around this then personally I would be looking at another school.

Even if your dh would drive her, 15 miles by car is unlikely to be a 20 minute journey during school run times. Probably more like 40 minutes minimum.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 23/06/2010 19:51

If there's someone else on the waiting list for the bus, maybe you could share lifts with them...?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 19:58

Oooh Good idea Heathen

domesticdiva · 23/06/2010 20:56

I'm sorry but I really can't see the reason why your DH will not take her? Does he not care? If not why on earth are you with this loon?

Original poster
Jux · 23/06/2010 21:04

It's a great school, and it's pretty common for children from our town to go there - hence there has always been a private bus running.

They've increased the intake a bit for next year, which none of us knew, and I think this may be why there's a problem with bus places.

Of course dh cares about her education, but he is a bit wiffly about putting his money where his mouth is.

Heathen, that is a good idea. I shall try to find out who it is. For all I know there may be loads on the waiting list after dd, and I could get another bus running!

OP posts:
domesticdiva · 23/06/2010 21:16

Right, so he's happy for your DD to go on her own at 10 on a couple of buses by herself, which come the winter months it will be dark??!!

I'd be having words with him, has he said he will definately not take her and what suggestions does he have if you can't get this private bus thing? When I said 'cares' I meant the whole picture i.e her safety and wellbeing not just her education!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/06/2010 21:24

I used to go on a normal bus, sometimes had to change buses -30 minute journey. Mind you, bus was full of other school children 3 schools along the same route. Loved it

yousaidit · 23/06/2010 21:29

Tell your dh that the journey and especially the timescales using public transport are unreasonalble and if he won't'pay' the £5 daily cost of driving her he can pay the taxi fare to take her and pick her up?

FakePlasticTrees · 23/06/2010 21:32

switch off the cricket - tell him this is serious - show him the options and say it won't be practical her taking the train and the bus each day. So will he drive her until (if ever) a place on the bus becomes available, or does he want to discuss other schools?

sometimes you have to shove these things under noses....

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