Mama drama- help!

[oremstango]

So long story short, my friend and I both have 3 year-olds. She took mine overnight when I had my second 6 weeks ago, and I was first on her 'go to' list when she goes into labour around now.

In parallel my husband quick his job and wanted to book a holiday. The best option was for a week after her due date, and I explained this a week before we were due to travel.

She is now extremely upset at me and feels I've let her down hugely and is refusing to speak to me at all. I can understand where she's coming from but also assumed a week was fair notice and that she had back-up options (which she didn't really). Any advice on how to approach as she won't speak with me at all and I did not expect this blow-up.

Oh, that is difficult. I can see it from her side, if she really was relying on you then it was unfair to call off.

Could you go on holiday a different week?

TBH I would be annoyed with you too. I wanted everything to be perfect for my DS when I went into labour, and I prepared him for ages beforehand, saying who was going to babysit him etc. You've thrown her plans at a time when she's nervous and anxious anyway.

I would be annoyed/upset too I'm afraid. As Bessie says you've turned her plans on their head at a time when she needs support the most. Can you pick a different week to go away?

I can't offer any advice on how to approach her, as, putting myself into your friend's shoes, I cannot imagine you can say anything that would make me feel better.

Other than 'I'm sorry, I've realised how badly I've let you down. If you still want me to help, we'll cancel the holiday and be here for you.'

You were doing each other a favour. She's done her bit and now you're ditching her for a holiday before you can return it. I'd be pissed at you too!

Especially as the holiday must have been a last minute booking made after you knew her due date.

A week is not fair notice in these circumstances.

She's very very stressed no doubt. Childcare for DD1 was my biggest anxiety throughout my pregnancy with DD2.
This would be a responsibility I would feel duty bound to uphold, especially given she has already been there when you needed her a few weeks ago

OP, you are letting her down at a time when she needs you the most. She looked after your DS and was expecting the sme in return - which you had agreed to.

I would be terribly upset if I was your friend and I do think that the only fair way you can rectify this situation is by altering your holiday plans.

Your DH quit his job and booked a holiday? You discussed the times though? If he started a new job the new employer would have to honour the holiday dates.

Cancel your holiday. Apologise to your mate.

So she's actually due around now? And you've booked a holiday in a week's time and just given her a weeks notice?

I'm not sure what you can do tbh. You've completely messed up her arrangements - sounds like she was (understandably) relying on your help/reciprocation and you've let her down majorly.

Okay then, thanks for the feedback here.

"The best option was for a week after her due date, and I explained this a week before we were due to travel."

can you please make this clearer because from the above I understand that you informed her on her due date

I would be annoyed too. I am on standby for a self employed friend to take over her work if she goes into labour early and would not dream of booking a holiday now just in case.

I'd be annoyed too. I don't have many friends at all who would agree to do this so to let her down when she's anxious, especially when she's done her side of the bargain, is very unfair.

One of the biggest stresses I had around DDs birth was who would look after DS - if I had been let down at the last minute - particularly by someone who had recently experienced the self same thing, our friendship would be beyond redemption.

I'm sorry you've had some harsh responses but you did ask

"I'm sorry you've had some harsh responses but you did ask"

And this is AIBU too!!

YABU - no wonder she doesnt want to talk to you, you have let her down royally!!!

YABVVU

Not surprised she won't speak to you. What a horrible thing to do.

OP i am sure you feel terrible, what do you think are you going to do about it now? Are you in a position to canel your holiday?

I hope it works out, good female friends are worth their weight in gold.

Sorry OP, you are bang out of order. This is a huge and stressful time for here...did you really think heading off on holiday at short notice (a week IS short notice for this kind of thing) was going to go down well?

What are you going to do?

Wow, she'll be re-evaluating who her real friends are right now! You need to cancel your holiday, do some serious grovelling and hope that looking after her ds without any change of plans will be apologies enough, imo. Good luck!

I'd be fuming, and unlikely to speak to you again, tbh.

This isn't AIBU by stealth is it? Are you actually the pg friend?

You gave her a weeks notice and are surprised she is upset? What do you expect?