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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think school have got this wrong?

33 replies

bananalover · 22/06/2010 22:47

Tommorrow at 3pm my DS's school will be showing the England match in the upper hall.
Great, for the kids, but what about the parents?
My DS has just informed me that he wants to go to this screening as his classmates will be there.
Unfortunately, I have a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old who will not want to watch this game, and a DH who has to work.
I realise that the school want the kids to have some fun, but FGS, do they really think we parents can just drop everything to go to school for a football match on the telly?
My DH cannot just leave work at 3pm. I have younger children to look after, who need to be collected from nursery at 4pm. Can't just drop everything , but DS is really upset now as I have explained to him we cannot attend.
Do schools not THINK of these things? I am sure other parents at this school are facing same problems.
And, no, the addition of free hotdogs does not help.

OP posts:

BigFatSepticToe · 22/06/2010 22:50

our school are also doing this, for the kids only not families, but we had about 2 weeks notice!

are you sure you are meant to go too - cant he just stay and be picked up later?

DSM · 22/06/2010 22:51

Confused..

Why can't he go? Can't you just collect him at 4.45? (or whenever it's over).

GiddyPickle · 22/06/2010 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosieeo · 22/06/2010 22:52

Why do you have to be there?

seeker · 22/06/2010 22:53

why can't he stay and you pick him up when the match finishes?

mysteryfairy · 22/06/2010 22:54

Are the school actually expecting you to attend? My three DCs attend three different schools all of which are showing the match and we are not expected to attend at any of them.

Perhaps you can do the nursery pick up and then collect your oldest DS.

Even if school are asking for parental attendance I don't see why other children should miss out because it doesn't suit your domestic arrangements so I would still think YABU

Original poster

bananalover · 22/06/2010 23:02

Yes we do have to be there.
I will have to pick up my DS from school gate as normal at 3pm, then escort him to upper hall...with my 2 year old.
But, I will have to leave at 3.45 in order to drive to DD's nursery to collect her.
Not allowed to leave DS at school unaccompanied. So he will have to leave match with me to fetch DD.
I think he should be able to watch at school annuaccompanied, but after phone call this afternoon, head says no....al children must have parent/s there.
DH at work....what can I do...can't be in 2 places at same time can I?
Am mad now cos DS upset that he can't attend.

OP posts:

seeker · 22/06/2010 23:04

Ask a friend to be his "mother" until you get back - I assume they just want an adult prepared to take responsibility, not the actual parent.

kitbit · 22/06/2010 23:06

Can you ask a friend /parent of one of his mates to look after him?

GiddyPickle · 22/06/2010 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosieeo · 22/06/2010 23:07

What a bizarre arrangement.

It's a shame that your DS can't go but a nice idea from the school. There must be other kids that can't make it on such short notice?

Original poster

bananalover · 22/06/2010 23:08

Not allowed to...head states that each child must have a parent with them...they are not responsible outside school hours..charming.
it's like they set these things up but don't really think them through properly.

OP posts:

TheNextMrsDepp · 22/06/2010 23:09

DD2's school (an Infant school, where, tbh, most of the pupils aren't even aware the World Cup is happening) is allowing kids to be collected at 2.50pm if you want, so you can be home for "the match". As I finish work at 2.30pm and usually have to hang around outside the school til 3.10pm I might pick her up early. But sod the match - I'm going sunbathing!

Original poster

bananalover · 22/06/2010 23:14

God, sunbathing...last time I did that was in 1999.!
Can't ask another parent to take over til I get back...not actually close enough to any of the other parents to do this, IYSWIM

OP posts:

Vallhala · 22/06/2010 23:15

Ask the head what happens with the children who are regularly picked up by a childminder or grandparent. Will she bar those children too as their carer is not a parent?

Bizaare idea! No wonder you're unamused by it.

PrettyCandles · 22/06/2010 23:23

What happens when children are at school for an after-school club? Is the school not responsible for them then, either?

Bizarre. If the school is laying on an afterschool activity, then surely they should also take a dgree of responsibility for that activity?

Goblinchild · 22/06/2010 23:26

That sounds daft to me, if the school is running an activity it's their responsibility to make sure they have enough adult cover. Just like an after-school club run by a teacher.

TheNextMrsDepp · 22/06/2010 23:29

When you have 3 dcs, sometimes they have to learn that compromises on time have to be made. While it is disappointing for your ds not to be able to join the footie party he has to understand that it isn't always possible when he's one of three. To meet everyone's preferences would mean you have to run yourself ragged.

maktaitai · 22/06/2010 23:32

What a pain. Shame you asked the head about other parents, I think I would just have arranged it (I reckon, if they're not taking responsibility, they don't get to make the rules) but in fact, if your ds gets bored or whatever that's quite a thing for someone else to deal with. You'll just have to give him a cheerful 'no'.

bosch · 22/06/2010 23:32

Or, video the whole match, take a few snacks and watch the first half at school, then you all go and collect younger child from nursery, saunter home and watch the recorded second half while you eat lazy tv tea.

Original poster

bananalover · 23/06/2010 11:48

Have spent a very tearful DS off to school today...he says I am worst mother in world for not going to screening with him.
Tried to explain to him that I would have to come to the school, watch 20 mins of match, then we would all have to leave to walk to carpark drive to DD's nursery 4 miles away, drive back to car park, walk back to school to watch rest of game.
He does not want to miss any of the action....but if we do it this way (only way), he will miss a big chunk.
Have told him he can watch at home with big ice cream and pint of beer (NOT real beer, kid's shandy, but he thinks it's real).
Seems slightly placated, but really wanted to go to school screening.
Feel really really bad and have spent morning ringing round to try to get a stand in, but everyone is either at work or will be watching it themselves at home.
Really pissed with school. Like someone said, why can't they suppervise when they organise after school activity like this?

Not bloody fair boo hoo!

OP posts:

ihearthuckabees · 23/06/2010 12:13

banana - you've done the right thing. The school is being a bit thoughtless, but it's not the end of the world and your DS has to learn that he can't always get to do things his friends do. (Plus schools can't please all of the people all of the time either).

Stop beating yourself up about disappointing him. He'll get over it, and be better able to cope when other things don't go his way. Also, you don't have to justify it all to him either , just tell him that's the way it's going to be and let's get on with it.

And ignore the 'worst mother in the world' stuff too. Kids always say stuff like that. I used to take the wind out of my DS's sails when he was angry and telling me he 'hated' me by replying, 'Oh, well, I really LOVE you'. He didn't know how to respond to that .

BigFatSepticToe · 23/06/2010 13:52

what a bonkers headteacher you must have, that is a totally mad idea!! do parents have to attend all afterschool clubs too?

Margeaux · 23/06/2010 14:06

How lovely of the school to try and do something nice for the DC's. Unfortunately there will always be some families who it doesn't suit (it's the same for discos, nativities, sports days etc.). I don't think schools should stop doing these things though - just in case someone can't go.

We can't make the summer fayre this year due to work commitments. My DC's are a little disappointed but they'll get over it.

islandofsodor · 23/06/2010 14:08

I've had to tell my two that they can;t go as well as parents are not allowed and you have to pick them up as soon as the full time whistle goes meaning I would miss the whole second half myself.

And we only found out at 8.30am this morning.

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