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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to monitor his own alcohol use while I am in late pregnancy?

41 replies

fifitot · 22/06/2010 20:01

I am 38 wks. We live at half hour drive from hospital. DH will drive us when the hour arrives - whenever that is.

DH likes a drink (probably a bit too much but that's a different thread!) but has been rationing himself for a couple of weeks in view of my pregnancy.

It is his birthday today, he's not gone out but has bought beer which if he drinks it all will easily put him over the limit. He has 'asked' me if he can have it. In all honesty I expect I won't go into labour tonight - but then again who knows?

I am so bloody mad at him. He is a grown man and should be able to make his own decision on this and I know what the decision should be.

I haven't drunk for 9 months, he is struggling for a couple of weeks. I am bloody fuming with him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Meow75 · 22/06/2010 20:03

No, what a div!!!

pinkgrapefruitjuice · 22/06/2010 20:06

yanbu
you need him to stay sober for a few weeks and that is reasonable.

However, it is his birthday.... if I were you and didnt feel tonights the night for going into labour, I would let him drink tonight as long as he abstains from tomorrow until baby arrives.

julybutterfly · 22/06/2010 20:07

Oh but it's his birthday!!

Hmmm, I can't decide if YABU or not

Tootlesmummy · 22/06/2010 20:08

he's being an arse. Tell him he can drink it of he pays for a taxi if the need arises.

MumNWLondon · 22/06/2010 20:09

As long as you can afford a taxi to the hospital (or someone else can drive) YABU. It probably will not be tonight, and let him enjoy his birthday before the baby comes.

cheesypopfan · 22/06/2010 20:12

If this is the one time he has done it, then i would go easy - it is his birthday after all. I know its frustrating when you can't drink, but nevertheless...if its a one off, then let it lie. He prob asked your permission cos he was feeling guilty and knew you would be cross but was hoping you might 'let him off'.

auntpolly · 22/06/2010 20:17

It's his birthday though!

If you do go into labour tonight you could get a taxi to the hospital? Probably not much more expensive than the parking.

driedapricots · 22/06/2010 20:27

my dh was the same - it was new year's eve and he sat in drinking. i went into labour at 5am the next day...he was fine to drive and support me thru the labour as we didn't go to the hospital til midday, but he's refusal to not drink niggled me like it does you.. six months later he admitted he had a drink problem and we have battled this ever since. he's currently going to aa and has been dry for 2 months...

pinkypanther · 22/06/2010 20:29

I agree with the general principle that he should be starting to think ab out watching his drinking, but it is his birthday so YABU on that basis... the chances of you going into labour tonight if you are not already having twinges are fairly low.

For what it's worth, my DH rang me after work on a Friday and I told him I was having some contractions. He said ok pinky, I'll see you a bit later, I'm just going to the pub for a drink (this was our first baby so I suppose he thought it might be his last chance).

I was expecting him to have one and then come home so I was a bit when he came home at 10pm, 4 pints down and well over the limit! He was sooo lucky that DS took 38 hours to come after those first contractions...

minipie · 22/06/2010 20:29

so you're not due for another week or two... and it's his birthday.

YABU tbh. But you're very pregnant so it's understandable.

bibbitybobbityhat · 22/06/2010 20:30

In effect you are saying that you expect your dh not to drink from now until you deliver the baby. Which could be 4 weeks away. Why don't you just spell it out to him and ask him not to drink any alcohol until he is wetting the baby's head? See what he says.

Meglet · 22/06/2010 20:31

As long as you can afford a taxi and he only has a couple then I think you should let it slide.

But if he's going out and getting bladdered this close to the birth then he needs to buck his ideas up.

MissTrumpton · 22/06/2010 20:34

I think the OP is cross about the "He has 'asked' me if he can have it" bit rather than the getting drunk bit. I may have it wrong though. fwiw I get mightly pissed off about men people 'asking' to do things rather than owning their own decisions.

Original poster
fifitot · 22/06/2010 20:34

No he's not getting bladdered at all. Feel bad now as tbh have been a total bitch these last few days - hormones, heat, pregnancy etc.

Think I will lay off him a bit. Thanks!

OP posts:
domesticdiva · 22/06/2010 21:42

YANBU! I've missed two birthdays and two christmas' now due to either being pregnant or BFing, would expect the DH to abstain for just one if I was in your shoes. Tell him he can get bladdered in a couple of weeks (once he has to deal with new baby nappies with a hangover he'll soon change his mind!)

thesecondcoming · 22/06/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeydragon · 22/06/2010 22:42

this is no real help, but in latter stage of pregnant with ds my dh used to say you having this baby tonight or can I have a drink?

I would smile say "nah not tonight" or "what ever" and he would have a couple of glasses.

Sods law intervened at 38 weeks - he had come home from work after a shit day,can't emphasise how really shit it was. By 9pm he'd drank a bottle of wine, as the news at 10 hit its 4th bong my waters broke .

Much coffee was consumed etc, and he was sent to bed pronto. Impending fatherhood also speeded up sobriety.

You yanbu not feel like you do, but it is his birthday, he did ask and you have the opputunity to say no, and I am sure that if you go into labour and have to get to hospital - that you will get to hospital, and even if he is over the limit to drive youhe'll still be able to step up for the important bits (and if you don't go into labour as my dh say "thats one to bank for later").

FortunateHamster · 22/06/2010 22:47

OP and MissTrumpton - I also get really annoyed about being asked for permission! It just means they're not willing to take responsibility for it themselves. I mean drinking on his birthday isn't necessarily a big deal if there are other ways to get to hospital, but asking, so you either have to be nice or be the baddy is a pain. Sympathies, but I'm sure you'll be fine

Original poster
fifitot · 23/06/2010 10:07

He drank his 4 cans and I didn't go into Labour.

Just annoys me though - men just like beer sooooooooo much. I mean I like a drink but can easily go without. Still it was his birthday I guess.

OP posts:
honeydragon · 23/06/2010 13:28

glad you feel better now fifitot

diddl · 23/06/2010 13:38

It´s his birthday-so what?

It´s not impossible to enjoy a birthday without getting drunk, or indeed having no alcohol at all!!

I can´t think of anything much sadder that sitting at home getting drunk on cans-even if it is your birthday!

OP-glad everything OK.

But really-why doesn´t he just not drink in future?

Of course YANBU to think he should be able to decide for himself when enough is enough!

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/06/2010 13:46

So what if it was his birthday.

I missed drinking on 2 birthdays, 2 christmases, 2 new years, umpteen barbeques and numerous parties due to pregnancy.

Not a lot to ask imo.

driedapricots · 23/06/2010 13:50

well yes, perhaps men and women have different views on drinking contexts ..and there's always an excuse. football today for instance! anyway, sounds like it's not a major problem in OP's home so as long as they're happy with situation that's all that matters

proudnsad · 23/06/2010 13:50

You are NBU obviously. My dh drank til the bitter end (42 weeks with both dc) despite my pleas. He even hid empty bottles (again, different thread!) and kept saying 'don't worry we'll get a cab if needs be'!!
ps telling my dh not to drink on his birthday would be like telling the bears not to shit in the woods.

diddl · 23/06/2010 13:53

Perhaps it´s just me married to someone who doesn´t really drink then?

And certainly never if driving?

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