to think "was it planned" is a bit of a rude question?

[DetectivePotato]

I am 7 weeks pregnant and told some of the mums at my toddler group today. There was 1 mum who came today for the first time and the first thing she said to me when I told them I was pregnant was "was it planned?"

I did ask my friend this when she said she was pregnant with her second. She is a close friend and didn't mind at all but after I thought it was a bit rude of me.

I answered this mum with my usual honesty, by giving away too much info about how we had trouble conceiving DS and the doc advised us it would take a while the 2nd time so we may as well have started earlier than we planned to. It wasn't until after that I thought "why the hell am I telling a perfect stranger this?" then I thought "why did she ask that anyway?"

Is it rude to ask if it was planned or am I overthinking it?

We were asked this, and it really didn't bother me. I don't/didn't see it as particularly rude. Perhaps because although ds was planned he came along incredibly quickly and dd was unplanned (as a large proportion of babies are, no relationship with whether they are wanted or not, just surprises happen fairly often especially when you aren't being incredibly careful).

It's not something I would personally ask because I'm too busy trying not to show how much I'm thinking "I'm so happy that's not me!" having not enjoyed pregnancy and early babyhood very much.

My Dp has a 19 year gap between his younger daughter and our DS. One of the benefits is no-one EVER asks if he was planned.

Wow some people were up early this morning!

I mentioned it to DH last night and he didn't see that it was rude at all. Men sometimes don't have a clue though. He also thought the response about accidently falling onto a cock was rude. I thought that was pretty funny myself.

I like the "its personal" with a nice smile. I may have to try that next time. I'm also very shocked at how many people comment on things that don't concern them, and how many people say the stupidist things. Asking if the DH/P is the father? WFT is that about? Are they expecting you to say "no its the bloke down the road that I'm shagging on the side" Would love to see their faces at this response though.