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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just want him to put a bit of thought into it?

33 replies

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 12:44

my birthday present i mean.

every year he asks me what i want for birthdays, xmas, mothers' day etc. i am the sort of person who doesn't really ever want anything in particular, so i end up saying oh flowers will do or he will just give me money and say go and get yourself something. but when it comes to his gifts, i plan them for ages, i take the boys and tehy pick out something they want to get him and ds1 makes a card for him (i buy him one too). so this year he has been asking what i want, again i dont know so i say, "just surprise me". he huffs and puffs and says "will a card do? how about i just give you money?" but i told him no. i said that this year, just for once, i want him to put a bit of thought into it. he isn't happy, apparently there are no shops in england

aibu?

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 12:47

YAB a little U - men (I know this is a mass generalisation) aren't great at these things and need pointing in the right direction, shops are like another planet to a lot of them - and he may feel a bit over whemled and generally have no idea where to start...

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 12:51

he has no trouble with shops when he is buying himself clothes. i just think he is being lazy tbh and wants me to get my own present so he doesn't have to bother. i put loads of effort into his gifts so i think he could put a bit into mine.

OP posts:

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 12:53

it actually hurts a bit that he can see how important it is to me but still cant see fit to making just a little bit of effort.

OP posts:

BigFatSepticToe · 22/06/2010 12:54

men are crap at this

Dh - i love you loads but you learnt the hard way - the 1st year we were married i showed him EXACTLY which nightie I would like sometime in november, told him to get size 12, - he left it till xmas eve and came back all bemused saying "they only had size 8 or size 22 left"

dope!

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 12:54

But if you don't tell him what he wants he won't know?

Even though sometimes its a great thought that blokes will get us an amazing gift off the top of their head, most of them need pointing in the right direction...?

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 12:55

You want sorry ... you need to tell him what you want - exactly - like he is 2

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 12:57

he never tells me what he wants but i manage to get to a shop and browse til i see something he might like. i really am not expecting an amazing gift, i am not into material possesions. it is the thought that counts but the thought isn't even there.

and he really isn't crap at it, his mum and sisters all get presents, like perfume or vouchers. i would be happy with that.

OP posts:

BigFatSepticToe · 22/06/2010 12:57

he'll still pop to the shop the day before my birthday and get the first card he sees (well, pick the best of whats there) whereas i will look all year for the perfect card and present for him and buy well in advance for everyone we know!

BigFatSepticToe · 22/06/2010 12:59

OMG I have jsut seen that he is capable of buying for other females in his life - that makes it 10x worse, not surprised you are peed off with him.

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 12:59

and when we first got together he had no trouble buying presents.

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 22/06/2010 13:00

YANBU

Basically he seems annoyed at having to make an effort.

And I don't buy this 'men are crap at shopping' stuff - they are perfectly capable of buying presents for their loved one. Some of them just find it easier not to bother.

I would stop making so much of an effort for him. Next birthday/christmas ask him what he wants or give him some money. IF he can't be bothered, why should you.

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:02

i got upset with him last night and said maybe he should just forget about my birthday because there is no point him getting me a present begrudgingly. it defeats the whole point of prsent buying.

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:03

I think for a lot of blokes they really can't see the big deal - but then if he used to and now doesn't I can understand how that would upset you op.

Have you told him that it would really mean a lot to you for him to choose you a gift that actually meant something and that he has taken time and thought over choosing?

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:06

yep, i have told him why i feel it is important that he chooses my gift. i have told him that i dont feel good about the fact that he doesn't want to put a tiny bit of effort into something for me. i've told him it makes me feel as though i am not worth teh effort.

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:07

What what his response?

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:09

bit more huffing and puffing, excuses about no shops near him (he is in portsmouth, i have been in the gunwharf quays with him just 4 weeks ago and pointed out some lovely things in shop windows), then sighed and said "right, i'll see what i can do"

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:13

I visit there often with my fella as he is based there and there are some really nice shops and it would be hard to go wrong...can he not be bothered with other things generally - like making an effort within your relationship?

bleedingheart · 22/06/2010 13:15

YANBU. He should make the effort. My husband used to be great at buying presents but now gives me money for something I choose or buys me DVDs (that he'd watch but I couldn't give two hoots about). He relies on me to buy pretty much every family member's present now too. I don't know what went wrong. I know birthdays are unimportant to him but they matter to me so I'd like him to make the effort. I too, point things out and get so frustrated when he says 'I don't know what you like, you're impossible to buy for!'

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:19

LA your man navy too?

he is usually good within teh relationship, if we have problems we usually can have agood chat about it and things will change.

bleeding OH is the same, he used to be really good and get really great presents so i know he can. i think because in the last few years i have just accepted the money he has gotten comfortable with that and is happy to let it continue, but the thing is i am not so i think he should recognise that and make the effort.

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:24

Yes BH.

YANBU its not to much to expect to be made a fuss of one day a year

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:29

my thoughts exactly. i'm hoping that he will do it this year and realise that it is important to me so do it every year. well, i can dream, cant i?

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:31

If he doesn't next year book yourself a nice holiday over your b'day to celebrate with the money he gives you - with your girlfriends - and leave him at home

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:33

i think i'll have to. what sort of a holiday would you get for £30?

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 22/06/2010 13:35

A nice foot massage and maybe a bottle of wine

Original poster

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 13:36

that would be lovely, i would be over the moon if he actualdid that. how sad am i?

OP posts:

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