to just want him to put a bit of thought into it?

[booyhoo]

my birthday present i mean.

every year he asks me what i want for birthdays, xmas, mothers' day etc. i am the sort of person who doesn't really ever want anything in particular, so i end up saying oh flowers will do or he will just give me money and say go and get yourself something. but when it comes to his gifts, i plan them for ages, i take the boys and tehy pick out something they want to get him and ds1 makes a card for him (i buy him one too). so this year he has been asking what i want, again i dont know so i say, "just surprise me". he huffs and puffs and says "will a card do? how about i just give you money?" but i told him no. i said that this year, just for once, i want him to put a bit of thought into it. he isn't happy, apparently there are no shops in england

aibu?

Aw he should think himself lucky - I know some women who expect a lot of money spent of them on jewellery etc - which I think is bad.

magdelena i agree, it is only because i have accepted 'less effort' these past few years that he is now huffing about having to put in more. i feel that by making my point now, it is letting him know that it is not on and that he should put in the effort. i am trying to set the standard for all the years to come. i have to be honest and say that if we have the same row next year i will be really upset.

oh i have said all that mag, i think it is a case of me saying,

"if you care about me as you say you do then surely it wouldn't be hard to pick a present for me."

and him thinking

"oh bloody hell, she's turned on the guilt trip, i'm actually going to have to get her a present arent i."

but i really am not trying to guilt him. i dont want him to get me a present out of guilt. it wouldn't be worth having. it wouldn't be a real present iyswim. i want him to want to spend a bit of time thinking, "what would boo really like?" it honestly does worry me what that means for us if he doesn't understand that. i cannot spend my life with him knowing i am not even worth spending half an hour in a shop once a year.

For Christmas Igot 2 books, a dvd and a memory card. All of which more suited to my Dp than me. One book has been half read and abandoned in boredom, the other I haven't bothered to pick up as I know Iwon't enjoy it. The dvd has been half watched we both found it dull.
Give him more direction, men are rubbish at this sort of thing. I've learnt my lesson and will specify exeactly what I'm after in future.
If you normally say "flowers will do" then you cant expect him to suddenly know what to get you.

Men are only rubbish at this sort of thing because a series of women, starting with their mothers, let them. And then moan about it.

well, just to update you all. a parcel arrived this morning and i am to expect more, i am also under strict instructions not to open any until he is here. it's looking good ladies.