I saw something yesterday

[mrspir8]

My freind has a son who is 5, we were at a BBQ of another mutual friend. The boy was playing with my DD (2yr10mnth) and he would not share his toys with her and took one back from her. My dd wasn't at all bothered by this, it was a very minor scuffle, no anger involved but cue this boys dad, who is also a freind by default but I have very little to do with him, we used to be avery close pair of couples, but we have drifted apart and the lads are no longer freinds.
He comes storming from end of garden, dragged boy up to the top of the lawn proceeded to tell him off in a very quiet voice while gripping his wrist really tightly the whole time. The lad came back with horrid red marks all over his wrist.

I was very very uncomfortable and felt this was both excessive and cruel.
So putting on my judgeymcJudgey hat I pass the floor over for your comments.

I took me a while to figure out what it is about your OP that makes me share your unease. It's the part where the dad takes his son away from the other people for the telling-off. The child is 5, not 25. It's perfectly acceptable to tell him off in front of other parents - unless your manner of telling off is one you know the others may find offensive.

Guilty, m'lud.
Poor little boy. Maybe he's possessive over toys because he feels dis-entitled? Heading for a downward spiral, if so

Maybe the dad was taking the child away from the toys so he'd have the boy's attention, or to remove him temporarily from the situation so he'd get the message that not sharing nicely meant he'd not get to play with the toys, IsGraceAvailable. I've done that with my children in the past and I don't think it's sinister at all.

"It took me a while to figure out what it is about your OP that makes me share your unease. It's the part where the dad takes his son away from the other people for the telling-off. The child is 5, not 25. It's perfectly acceptable to tell him off in front of other parents - unless your manner of telling off is one you know the others may find offensive"

Oh what nonsense!

I marched DD (4) out of a party room at the weekend, firmly grasped by the wrist, to tell her off on the corridor and so she could calm down before taking her back into the room. she was behaving like a spoilt brat and spoiling the party tea for everyone. I certainly don't think anyone would have found my manner of telling off offensive, nor was it appropriate to tell her off in the party room and further spoil the atmosphere.

No doubt she had red marks on her wrist for a short while due to squirming on the way out.

SD, your DD was throwing a strop. As you say, you needed to remove her to get her somewhere quiet. The child in the OP wasn't tantrumming, just displaying poor manners. Afaik, it's considered wise to reprimand sharing failures in front of the other kids, since they all have to learn the same thing.

Still. Different strokes for different folks.

As I said, IsGraceAvailable - perhaps he was also taking his child away from the toys, to show him that if you don't share nicely, you don't get to play.

Not sure how I feel about this one really and I wasn't there etc but I would say that my son gets a red mark if the cat's tail brushes past him or a leaf falls on him or an ant marches down his leg. What I'm saying is he bruises like soft fruit and marks easily. I just experimented on him by encircling his wrist with my fingers for 3 seconds and it went a little pink. Perhaps he is as sensitive as my sensitive little dumpling?