AIBU to truly want to walk out the door and never ever come back?

[attheendofmytether]

And would I really regret it? I'm not sure anymore.

I have 3 DC, youngest being my 23mnth old DD, and honestly, my other DC (both DS's)have never ever been so destructive and defiant as my DD.
My eldest DS is 15, DS2 is 11, and I don't remember it being this hard.
It's more than hard, it is driving me to the limits of human endurance.
DD seems to have an obsession with anything which doesn't belong to her, dustbins and books. That's all that interests her.

Every day without fail DD gets up and is the equivalent of a tornado in my house.
I try so bloody hard to distract her, play with her, but she is on the go from the moment she wakes until she goes to sleep again, destroying and wrecking as much as poss during the day. (That is all she is happy doing!!)

In the last 4 weeks, she has broken:
my mobile phone
my cordless phone
the door handle to the fridge
my keyboard on my pc (It's taken me 33 mins to write this much because the keys are temperamental now after DD bashed and smashed it so many times)
her bed
amongst other things

She pours all the bubble bath/shower gel away (when I try to brush my teeth/use loo), puts things down the loo (when I try to shower), rubs yoghurt, fruit, chocolate in her hair and all over her body, pours sugar everywhere in the kitchen, empties the contents of every single bin in the house and rubs it all over herself, throws books across the room no matter how often I run around after her.
She is up the stairs at least 18 times, smears any dirty nappies she has on (before I have chance to change her) all over my sofa and floor, then over DS's things.
(I don't have stairgates, I am on benefits and cant afford them.)

This is all every single day!!!!

She will drag tables/chairs/anything across the room to stand on and get into cupboards, reach things I've deliberately placed high out of her reach.

I just cannot possibly watch her 24/7. She can reach all the door handles, and I can't always keep her in my view every second. I sometimes need to wee (never have a No2 while DD is awake anymore, even though I have bowel problems and cause more problems by holding on.) I sometimes need to wash my hair, or shower although it is less and less frequent tbh).
In fact, it is becoming impossible to brush my teeth, because DD will use this as an opportunity to grab and open bottles of shampoo/shower gel etc.

I try to keep these things out of her way, but somehow she always manages to get hold of something, or she is emptying the bin in the bathroom. yukky.
I can't cope much longer. I am exhausted and mentally at the end of my tether.

When will DD understand that if I have said NO 30 times already, the answer is still going to be NO, and even after I have said NO, she just carries right on.
I try to give her attention when she is not destroying my home, but she carries on. Nothing seems to get through to her ever.
I say No, she does it over and over.

I am consistent, I have no problems with DS's, but DD has totally flummoxed me.
Nothing, absolutely nothing at all works with her.
I want to drop her off with XP and just drive and drive and drive, but XP doesn't have the DC very often. (Too busy having a good time childfree.)
I can't bear the thought this is it, for years and years to come.
Why doesn't my DD learn any good behaviour?

From what I've seen kids love the bouncers too.
Forgot to mention nursery, that's a good option to try, gives you a time out too.

"OP's daughter does sound quite hyper, but i dont understand why you cant be in the same room as her at all times."
Dubs, why not ? because thats not normal. OP may have to do it temporarily, but it is draining. and its not right. parents should be able to 'pee in peace'.

If she wakes at 4.30 am and then is that lively all day, i think you must be (very) tired so it may be hard for you to think laterally about how to 'child proof' etc.

I think you should get some stairgates, safety catches etc. I have some in my shed but am too far from you, but i expect another mner closer to you will have some they dont need anymore.

Go around the whole house and move stuff out of reach, i expect with older children you have fallen out of the havbit a bit.

see if there is a surestart creche near you and put her name down for nursery and consider taking her out to more toddler groups etc. (walking if poss, even if reins are required too increase toddler tiring)

I am so pleased I started this thread now.

I do have a surestart playgroup once a week. The surestart centre is in the next town, but I will find out about their times and what I can take DD to there.

There is a playgroup near me that is not surestart, but is on a different day of the week, so that means DD can go to 2 playgroups as well as the surestart centre when I find out where it is exactly and what they do there for DD's age group.

I agree that I have fallen out of the habit of having a baby around, with the DS's being older.

I am feeling so much better knowing that DD is displaying perfectly normal behaviour.

I sometimes forget she is just a baby, and probably expect too much from her.

Thank you to everyone with the very kind offers of sending me safety stuff for DD. I truly appreciate it. I don't have CAT, but am happy to share my email address if that's possible.

You have all been understanding and lovely.

Sometimes, it all becomes overwhelming, but you have all made me feel so much better, so a big thank you to each and every one of you.

To all those saying 'tire her out' it isnt always that simple, my own two have been out walking/ running in the countryside all day today, flying uphills etc, a 10 mile walk at least, not to mention they went for a swim.

Get home, after a quick drink and some dinner theyre now climbing the walls again, in fact ds has just gone out on his bike with dp.

Some kids are just a lot more hard work than others, only the parents of those children can fully understand that and don't deserve criticism. OP I FEEL YOUR PAIN !!

Rather than surestart, could I suggest Homestart? They are similar, but the person comes to relieve you of the child in your home, so you can do stuff while dd is entertained.
She does sound very energetic, but overtiredness can make little children hyper. Is it difficult to get her off to sleep? I would suggest trying to get her to have a little more- just 10 or 15 mins a day, then gradually increase, but I realise that can be nigh on impossible for some children.

If she's almost 2, make sure you get her name down soon for her free nursery place (they start at 2 in some areas- your HV will know if they do in your's).

Her understanding will be fine btw- she is just being wilful! Behaving like this gives her your attention, and she is reveling in it.

I hope you get some respite soon, and she settles down a litlle.

if you can let me have your email address I'll contact you for your address.
So glad you are feeling a little better

Thank you so much Downdog.

My email addy is twigs0002 @ yahoo . com

but no spaces.

I do sympathise, if DD didn't like watching Peppa Pig I'd never get a minute free all day, toddlers are hard work! Do you have a high chair still? I sit DD in hers when I have a shower.

My DD is a handful too. She gets put in her cotbed when I need to go to the loo / make a phone call / brush my teeth / cook etc. Or I try and do things (washing / emptying the bins) when she is strapped into her booster seat at the table and can't get into mischief.

I shower after the dc's are in bed. I dread to think what would happen if I couldn't see / hear them.

We have a stairgate accross the kitchen door as there is no way either of them are going in there until they are older.

She sounds much like my son!!

I find getting out of the house every morning a godsend. We walk 2-3 miles now (DD in a buggy, DS walking). Every day. Then morning snack outside (picnic) and I have a cup of tea.

It's free, it's good for them and it means my house is not destroyed.

Other than that, I have a playpen. It's my fail safe... I can't watch you right now and I need you to be safe.

Got mine off ebay for £10. And it folds down too, so I don't have to keep it up (it's quite large)

Sounds like my two - who work together to distract me I swear

What we have done is made the living room as safe as is possible - there is nothing dangerous she can pull down or out or reach. She could climb but only onto sofas etc. We make an effort not to leave anything dangerous in there.

We then have a stair gate across this room so we 'lock' DD in there whilst we are doing other things (I mean quick other things like going to the toilet, making a sandwich etc can still hear her). She doesnt always like it but cant harm herself. All her toys are in here etc.

Cuts down on stairgates elsewhere as we just make sure we are watching her if she is out of the room as she will be straight up the stairs! We also have basic safety things around the house e.g. no bleach etc within reach.

Jenbot - Peppa Pig must be one of the only programmes that DD will watch for 3 mins. I prefer Little princess myself.

DD doesn't have a highchair or a playpen.

It's amazing how much better I feel when she is tucked up in bed.

I rarely go on the internet during the day now, and that has improved her behaviour a little, so I can see it from the wanting attention perspective.
DD does seem easier to handle if we get ut during the day.
It's not possible to watch her every second though.
I was just warming her some milk before bed this evening, and turned my back for 2 seconds while I opened the fridge and poured the milk out. DD had had a bath and was lovely and fresh in pyjama's. I turned around and she had got a yoghurt pot out of the dustbin (her favourite thing in the whole world I think) and was rubbing the yoghurt into her freshly washed hair/pyjamas as well as trying to eat it using her hand as a spoon.

I suppose these things are to be expected.

Tomorrow is another day. I will try harder to watch her more.

If it's any comfort ds is aged 3 - the youngest of 4 children - and I still keep the bins in cupboards behind a child safety lock, all the bath stuff is in a high bathroom cabinet and the kitchen was until only recently blocked with a safety gate. You may find a playpen may help - I never got one for my first two but my last two loved it and treated it like their private space to go in when they were tired. I would put soft cushions and toys and books in there and sit in and read them to them. DS went in there when he was tired. Also it may be that approaching the longest day June 21st in two days time she is simply becoming more and more exhausted. I have noticed a pattern every year at this time where bad behaviour reaches a climax at this time only to get better as the nights start drawing in. x

I dont think going on the internet during the day should be an option at all. If you're doing something else she will see it as you're ignoring her.
As you said, it's improved her behaviour, so maybe the problem is you are not spending enough time interacting with her, you are spending it getting mad at the messes or stressing about them?
What about throwing down a load of newspapers and get mucky with paint then have a bath together afterward?
Or skip the paint and just have fun in the bath? I find activities like this helped me and my DD bond a lot.
Try not to focus on telling your DD not to do something and focus on things she can do that are fun for her.

attheendofmytether - i appreciate you said money is tight, but I have a funpod (there maybe cheaper options), and it keeps DS amused while I'm getting lunch / dinner

he makes a mess (usually I let him play in the sink) but it's controlled and it's safe and it's easy to clean.

Do try to get out for a walk each day. it's my saviour. We are out by 9am each morning (often earlier!!) and not back until after 11am - at which point it's time for lunch and a nap. DS is bouncing off walls if I don't get him out of this place!!!!!!

Afternoons are easier.. a walk to the super market, or to the playpark or even a play in the garden will suffice - enough to tire him out for bed!! (which, in my house is a religious 7pm!!)

You could also get the baby harness, they sell them everywhere, and are cheap, so if you go out strap her up and she can run around in the park, but she'll be safe because you'll be holding her on the "lead".
Worked wonders for me when my DD went through a running off stage!

ok...definiteley need a gate on her bedroom door, so if she wakes early she cant get out and cause havoc. try to leave some toys dotted around her room for her to play with until you get up.
i took my dd in shower with me when she was about 2. she loved it, i could keep an eye on her, and we both got clean at same time.
most importantly though...you have to tell, not ask, tell you ex to get his finger out and take the dc's more often. they are his kids too, why should he get all the free time?
he is not pulling his weight here, and he could help with stairgates, child locks etc if he is working, so get onto him and nag!

Bins... i used to keep my kitchen bin in the shower, because the bathroom was next to the kitchen and I could lock the door to keep ds away from it. After a bit I was lucky and got a wooden frame built with a lock on it that I could keep the bin in.

You could maybe try having a bin under the sink with a child lock/bolt on the cupboard door?

If she's this strong, I would try to work towards getting her a bike for her third birthday - ds loved his from day 1 and used up so much energy (stabilizers are very hard work [evil laugh]).

It does sound such a nightmare. A friend with a son who sounds a bit similar lives for the days when he's at nursery. Having said that, now that he is 3, he is unrecognisably easier - he's just very, very, very hard work instead of absolutely impossible! (he's also the most brilliant, lovely boy )

Phew. I'm so relieved modern mums use playpens, baby gates and reins (harness) too! I thought I was probably speaking heresy

OP, forgive me if I've missed this, but have you joined your local Freecycle group? You can put Want ads up, and baby stuff is often available (free).

This is what I do:
keep kitchen bin in cupboard iunder sink unti
use thich rubber bands, or even scrunchies on kitchen cupboard handles to tie them together
use same on kitchen table legs and chair legs (pisses my dh off when he wants to sit down but it works)stops them dragging chairs over to climd into cupboards
have absolutely no ornaments WHATSOEVER until they become teenagers
get locks for fridge from B&Q about £3
we have a plasme tv on wall and a large sideboard underneath it...got so pissed off with them ripping the doors off attempting to climb up to tv i supperglued all the doors and drawers shut on it...bit drastic but it saved my sanity!
keep all shampoo, bubble bath,toothpaste, shampoo, etc in your bedroom wardrobe. take it out at bathtime, put it in bath, then put it back in your wardrobe.
a lot of this stuff is all about keeping yourself sane....remove as much as possible from them and you will feel so much better!

OP you have had lots of positive suggestions here the only other one that I can think of is a 'positive parenting course' I know you have already got 2 older children but it seems like DD is a bit different to your boys. Our local family centre offered a positive parenting course and it opens your mind up to alternatives to the constant NO NO NO - you said yourself No doesn't work and your last sentence just struck a chord 'why can't she learn good behaviour'?
To summarise the course (hugely) you should aim for 5 positives for every negative. I realise this could be challenging but it is very easy to ignore good behaviour and always be negative. examples would be:
well done for brushing your teeth nicely
thank you for waiting
well done for staying still while I did your nappy
what a good girl for eating all your banana
I love it when we can read a book together etc etc
I totally agree with the advice to get door locks and a stair gate to give you one safe room where she can be left so you can pee, make a sandwich, make a phonecall, answer the door etc.
Also finding out about Flying start/surestart creche - should be available to you once she turns 2 but find out more as that would give you a bit of time without DD driving you round the twist.

This sounds like classic attention seeking behaviour to me. You're sat on the bog and she's emptying bins and pouring shampoo down the plughole. She just wants you.

I appreciate how much you've got on your plate with money tight, keeping a home together and older children to care for, but as everyone has said, what she's doing is pretty normal. At the moment (apart from when her siblings are around) her world is you and her, and I daresay you're trying to do chores and get on with other things (like taking a leak) while you're with her, and she's not having any of it.

I remember so well my 20 month year old climbing up onto the worktop (still can't fathom out how she did it), pouring a bottle of calpol (how she got the lid off I don't know) into a sugar canister and shovelling it into her gob. I swear I was only out of the room for a moment but when I came back she was covered in gooey pink sugar all round her chops. I grabbed her, the Calpol and the sugar canister, bunged them in the car and drove 15 miles to the nearest hospital. They weighed her and the various substances, worked out how much she'd ingested and said she would be ok. On the way home she puked gallons of pink sick all over the car which took me the best part of a week to clean up.

Ain't motherhood great!

we went through a phase of taping the bin closed and having it facing in to the wall if you think that might be worth a try??