AIBU to truly want to walk out the door and never ever come back?

[attheendofmytether]

And would I really regret it? I'm not sure anymore.

I have 3 DC, youngest being my 23mnth old DD, and honestly, my other DC (both DS's)have never ever been so destructive and defiant as my DD.
My eldest DS is 15, DS2 is 11, and I don't remember it being this hard.
It's more than hard, it is driving me to the limits of human endurance.
DD seems to have an obsession with anything which doesn't belong to her, dustbins and books. That's all that interests her.

Every day without fail DD gets up and is the equivalent of a tornado in my house.
I try so bloody hard to distract her, play with her, but she is on the go from the moment she wakes until she goes to sleep again, destroying and wrecking as much as poss during the day. (That is all she is happy doing!!)

In the last 4 weeks, she has broken:
my mobile phone
my cordless phone
the door handle to the fridge
my keyboard on my pc (It's taken me 33 mins to write this much because the keys are temperamental now after DD bashed and smashed it so many times)
her bed
amongst other things

She pours all the bubble bath/shower gel away (when I try to brush my teeth/use loo), puts things down the loo (when I try to shower), rubs yoghurt, fruit, chocolate in her hair and all over her body, pours sugar everywhere in the kitchen, empties the contents of every single bin in the house and rubs it all over herself, throws books across the room no matter how often I run around after her.
She is up the stairs at least 18 times, smears any dirty nappies she has on (before I have chance to change her) all over my sofa and floor, then over DS's things.
(I don't have stairgates, I am on benefits and cant afford them.)

This is all every single day!!!!

She will drag tables/chairs/anything across the room to stand on and get into cupboards, reach things I've deliberately placed high out of her reach.

I just cannot possibly watch her 24/7. She can reach all the door handles, and I can't always keep her in my view every second. I sometimes need to wee (never have a No2 while DD is awake anymore, even though I have bowel problems and cause more problems by holding on.) I sometimes need to wash my hair, or shower although it is less and less frequent tbh).
In fact, it is becoming impossible to brush my teeth, because DD will use this as an opportunity to grab and open bottles of shampoo/shower gel etc.

I try to keep these things out of her way, but somehow she always manages to get hold of something, or she is emptying the bin in the bathroom. yukky.
I can't cope much longer. I am exhausted and mentally at the end of my tether.

When will DD understand that if I have said NO 30 times already, the answer is still going to be NO, and even after I have said NO, she just carries right on.
I try to give her attention when she is not destroying my home, but she carries on. Nothing seems to get through to her ever.
I say No, she does it over and over.

I am consistent, I have no problems with DS's, but DD has totally flummoxed me.
Nothing, absolutely nothing at all works with her.
I want to drop her off with XP and just drive and drive and drive, but XP doesn't have the DC very often. (Too busy having a good time childfree.)
I can't bear the thought this is it, for years and years to come.
Why doesn't my DD learn any good behaviour?

BabyDubs - My DD doesn't watch tv, (I wouldn't mind her watching a bit of tv, but she has never shown an interest) and she doesn't nap.

Thank you for your advice. I am making a mental note of it. This thread is helping me alot. Thank you everyone.

Again, my dd didn't watch tv or nap. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong, but do give the HV a ring?

Dubs "Dont ever shower whilst she is awake unless someone else watches her for you." That's mad advice and not always possible. How on earth do you ensure that both your children are in the same room at the same time?? You have either cloned yourself successfully or are stifling them by not allowing them any freedom to play! (or you sanity to have a moment to yourself in the day!)

She sounds like she needs loads of exercise, more than you'd possibly think she'd need
can't the older kids watch her after sch so you can get jobs done

Great nickname, OP

Know how you feel. I have just spent an hour washing sudocreme off both my toddler dds (will be 2 and 3 in Sept) and the bathroom.

That was while they were in the bathroom whilst dd1 was on the toilet and I was outside the door as she doesn't want to be watched doing a poo..

Took them about 3 minutes to cause utter havoc..

Thankfully this is rare behaviour from them though.

We also have a spare stairgate but we are in Surrey. Try putting an ad up at your Surestart centre for one.

Do you think she could be over tired? if she doesn't nap and wakes at 430 it could be that?
My two most definitely naughtier if they haven't had enough sleep.

She is just like my dd1, and it does pass.

I learnt to have locks on all cupboards, and keep everything including toilet brush etc out of her way - and made dame sure she was never left alone for long enough to get these things. It was very hard and she did things that I would never dream of, like taking out her hair clips and and scratching a pattern on the wardrobe. And I spent hours with her at the park/swimming pool just trying to use up her energy.

She is now six years old and still very strong and lively but generally a lovely little girl.

I'm so glad she was my first child because dd2 was a breeze in comparison. Ds is lively but still nothing on dd1.

and I only had two bins in the house, one behind the stair gate and one in a cupboard with a child lock, ie. both out of her way.

she learnt to pole vault the stair gate by 20 months though, as well as her cot.

I shower at night when they are asleep, tricky in itself as they are terrible sleepers, showers can take three attempts
Oops wasnt demanding the op doesn't shower, should have been I Dont ever shower whilst they are awake.

With ref to keeping them in the same room, yes, they are in the same room and i follow them around like a muppet, there are safe zones i spose, living room mainly consists of their toys which they can do what they like with, this equals mumsnet time

when older one gets bored i grab the other one and head off to do something else in another part of the house, garden...

OP's daughter does sound quite hyper, but i dont understand why you cant be in the same room as her at all times.

BabyDubs - bit harsh on op perhaps, am wondering if you are a lone parent who only gets a break to do food shopping?

Op- I feel you're pain!! My DH works away 6 days a week and is no help when he's there anyway (but that's another story). DD (DC4) is, tbh, an absolute pain in the rear end if she is not kept occupied.

She was a complete shock to me after DS/DSS's who it was possible to leave for a couple of minutes at a time. It is very hard to watch a toddler all the time.

Do you have a SureStart centre near you? Mine is an absolute godsend.I purchased very cheap second hand stairgates from them and I also go to a play and stay or toddler group pretty much every day at the centre. DD makes a mess that someone else will clear up, and I get a chance to remember that she's not that bad!!

I think it is harder when you have got used to the relative sanity of having older ones though- it makes you complacent...plus you are older and more knackered

Agree with BE, you do have to have them within your line of vision at all times, I suppose after having three children under four I got used to this and it's second nature to me now. I did find it very hard with dd1 though, she was a shock.

Sorry wasn't meant to be harsh, i appologise, just straight talker with crappy tact, sorry

No not a lone parent, married with two and have my shopping deliverd because im agraphobic.

I also had 3 under 4 and, yes, you mostly do it but it is exhausting and frustrating and so you come on here for sympathy and advice. Which is what I'm trying to give.

as long as the computer is strategically placed so that you keep an eye on the children and mumsnet at the same time

What about one of those doorway baby bouncers? They're safe right? And I'm sure you can get them fairly cheap, or is she too big for one of those?
I always found the playpen useful when I needed to clean up and needed my DD to be in a safe place where she couldnt get into things.
If things are really that bad can you strap her in the pram (indoors) whilst you do a wee/brush teeth/wash up etc?

o.k. you have our sympathy. she certainly sounds like a handful. sometimes you just get a child that needs to be watched like a hawk. but sympathy and advice is all we can offer. this is the way it is. hard i'm sure. ds2 is a bit younger and he plays on his own for ages, whilst i wash up or have bath or anything, or cook a meal. i do appreciate that i am blessed in my fortune on this. you are not. but you have been offered good advice on different ways to handle her.

Am so rude, didnt read all of thread properly! So,SureStart worker came and was not great, doh.

How much help would your family be prepared to offer? Could you speak to them and tell them that, right now, you are finding it all hard work and could use a break ocassionally? After DD2 was born my (lovely) family did a rota for about a month of coming to help with tea and bed.Was so good to know that someone would be arriving and I ight get a chance to poo in peace

Every two-year-old I've looked after has been like this! Tbh, I'd be worried if they weren't. They're going through such a rapid learning & development stage ... and, yes, it is EXTREMELY taxing!!

You don't need telling that your own tiredness/irritation/frustration will rub off on her, making her fractious. Unless you're actually sitting on a cloud, polishing your halo right now, though, that knowledge isn't a fat lot of use. For your sake - and consequential benefits to the child _ I recommend a few strategies that will get me hung, drawn & quartered around here.

I have used toddler reins. Plonk DD within reach of many interesting items (a dustbin??) and a pile of nice cushions, where she can see you. Affix reins to door frame, get on with household tasks.

I have used play pens. As above. You could also shut her in a suitable room, with a locking baby gate - as long as she can see you, she should only howl for 5 minutes (I know!)

I am a tremendous fan of the television

I have used baby slings - this is a major pain (literally) with a child of that age, but some little'uns need a great deal more physical contact than others (erm, especially if they've been in the play pen for 2 hours ...) and the proximity soothes them.

Strategically wearing her out is both healthy and obvious. The trick is to make her walk as much as possible, and go somewhere with LOTS of stuff to investigate. Hopefully, she'll work much harder than you during your visit, giving you some p&q when you get home.

Share her with another toddler mum. You can either swap kids alternately, or go to each other's houses in shifts. Helps to ease the burden on all four of you!

Oh, and ... take some soothing deep breaths, then engage with DD in whatever fascinating exploration she's doing. You may as well get some fun out of it, too

Sounds like she needs a 2 mile run outside morning and night, she obviously has a LOT of energy to get rid of.

Put her name down for a nursery (free), see if you can get to the local surestart centre...get her well tired out physically.

She will get better behaved but it does sound like a lot of excess energy and a desire to get your attention.

Tire her out!!!!

BabyDubs - sorry, also mouth running away, I think weekends are particularly bad when you're on your own and today has been a particularly bad Saturday.

Forgot about baby bouncers! Second fyimate wholeheartedly on that. Yes, you can get them to suit up to about age 3

I'm sure I have some safety stuff (just a few locks etc) somewhere I will never be using and would love to post to you. I will take a look late this evening if you want them. It's no trouble at all & I need to clear some stuff - will put on freecycle if you don't want/need them

big hug - and much sympathy. I do feel for you having such a dreadful time

Any chance of bigger kids helping out occasionally, perhaps agree to watch her for an hour a week so you could have a bath in peace?

Also, DD can be distracted for a long time by a kind of treasure hunt in garden. I hide a few toy cars and she tries to find them, if I want to sit for a while then I hide a LOT of cars.